ASK BARF: TRANSGENDERED ISSUES

Lesley Arfin — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:53:37 +0000

I’m a sort of average-boring looking 25 yr old girl. I like riding bikes, I work as an organizer, and I’m pretty snarky-charismatic.

Hi !

I’m a sort of average-boring looking 25 yr old girl. I like riding bikes, I work as an organizer, and I’m pretty snarky-charismatic. I don’t have to beg to have boys be interested in me, but they aren’t knocking down my door either. I travel for work, so I like to work boys fast (i.e. hook up quickly) when I meet one I like.

The only hitch is that I have a penis. I know, totally random. I don’t look like a trans person at all, so it’s not like it’s something guys pick up on. So how do I let potential hookups in on the fact that I have bits that aren’t standard issue? ( I tend to move in progressive-y circles where there aren’t many hate-criming types, so that sort of reaction I’m not worried about. )

Should I use something like “trans”? That phrase is good cause it shows absolutely no shame. But it’s bad, cause the boy is going to start thinking about that girl from “Be Diddy’s Assitant”, or they could get confused about whether I mean I’m like becoming a boy or something (which has happened).

Should I be obtuse and say “intersexed”? It’s like sorta true, but not. A normal person would think this would mean some messed up confused looking genitalia, whereas mine is a sorta normal penis.

Should I say “I have a penis”? I really like the straight-forwardness of that.

Or what about looking all serious and scared and vulnerable for a second- and going into a line about how “i’m different”? This is a bit much for a hookup, but can be good for letting a longer term dating partner down gently.

Thoughts on the terms?

Any other thoughts about the dating world for straight girls who ride bikes who have peni?

Thanks, and please don’t use my name!

Dear Straight Girl?

Wow. I have to admit this email confuses me. So you’re a boy who used to be a girl but you have a dick? Or you’re a boy who likes boys but dresses up like a girl and has a dick and boobs? I’m seriously not trying to sound mean. I don’t have a problem with trans folk whatsoever. Some of my best friend’s are trans. I think that the number one thing you should NOT do is “trick” whomever you are trying to hook up with into thinking you’re something that you’re not. It might not get you laid as much as you want, but isn’t it assumed that when you go under the knife (or not?) that things are gonna be different? You made your trannie bed, now lie in it. Embrace who you are and get into the gay/lesbian/transgendered scene. I mean, right? Since you travel a lot, get Facebook about the scene and make sure you have a GLTG friend in every city. Portland’s easy. San Fran too. Brooklyn shouldn’t be too hard and I’m sure LA has an L Word vibe going on. Any other city you might be fucked but I don’t know, I’m not in the scene. It’s fucking underground and cool as shit and I wish I could be. I wouldn’t bust out with “I HAVE A DICK!” but if you’re trans, own that shit and be up front about it. Tricking only leads to bad situations, regardless of what your gender/sexual preference is, but probably worse for GLTG. There are a bunch of transgender support sites as well.

Hope that helps,
Lesley

STREET CARNAGE » transgendered

ASK BARF: TRANSGENDERED ISSUES