Street Carnage made it to Smut Cave. In your face world! Now we’re writing about him doing a thing on how we blogged about him. Hopefully this post gets mentioned on Smut Cave and we can talk about it here again.

Street Carnage made it to Smut Cave. In your face world! Now we’re writing about him doing a thing on how we blogged about him. Hopefully this post gets mentioned on Smut Cave and we can talk about it here again. The ultra meta death nerd thing of a thing in a thing in a thing goes to infinity and beyond!

Hat tip: Buzz Lightyear

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1. DEAR STREET CARNAGE: I MADE A MUSIC VIDEO
2. OH! THAT’S WHY THAT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT MADE NO SENSE.
3. PINKY MADE A TV SHOW

Neo-Cynicism Now Strictly “For and By the Fags”

Hipster, Punk, Goth, Metal, Hippie, Hip-Hop, Queerbeast; Regardless of the clothing required or language faked, all “scenes” are spawned from exactly the same 2 human conditions: Insecurity and Boredom.

Neo-Cynicism Now Strictly “For and By the Fags”

Hipster, Punk, Goth, Metal, Hippie, Hip-Hop, Queerbeast; Regardless of the clothing required or language faked, all “scenes” are spawned from exactly the same 2 human conditions: Insecurity and Boredom.

In Highschool, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the music you feel most drawn to, dressing like the other people who listen to it, learning a baseball-card-fagload about it, and becoming obsessed. In fact, this full-scale immersion can be the key to getting friends, getting laid, and being happy. Anyone urging highschool kids to “avoid scenes,” “embrace individuality,” and “just be themselves,” has let a little too much time pass since they last stood alone in a school-gym shower, friendless and shrivel-dicked, facing the wrath of jocks with hugely successful portfolios.

As we grow older, our chosen scene begins to bring us value of a more abstract nature: During this phase, our scene is primarily useful in combating the metaphysical boredom inherent in the life of a 9-to-5 drone. Many more adults would succumb to boredom and sorrow related deaths (due, for example, to shotgun-face, openwrist, and the extended boomdrop neckstretch) if they were unable to count-down the days until they and their old nostalgia-droogs were joining up at Pete’s house to head to the next Screeching Weasel gig.

So, not only are “scenes” an American Tradition™ – they’re a goddamn survival technique! Despite the preaching of self-professed Scene-Haters (who as we all know, are hypocritical in their formation of a scene based on hating scenes – see facebook group: ‘people who hate facebook groups’), scenes are clearly a win-win.

…and it goes without saying that our own one-true-scene deserves special mention in this conversation, being that it is so much sweller than all other scenes!

But wait – Listen:

We must never fall into the common retard-trap of allowing ourselves to believe, for even a second, that there’s any deeper “meaning,” or “movement” behind our chosen music-and-t-shirt collective.

Just as we’d all laugh our asses off at a Hippie’s suggestion that they were somehow saving the planet by turning their heads into birds’ nests and listening to The Phish, equally laughable is the idea that cynicism, our scene’s version of a Hippie’s “peace n’ love,” is somehow making our society better. (see Fig. 0.9)

Being cynical is FUN, and it gets you pussy, but that’s not the same thing as it being an actionable worldview that makes you smart and helps the world get fixed: Therefore, never get uppity while you wax neo-cynical – fatal error right there!

Here’s a fun fact: I, me, Blognigger – I do not do anything to make a difference. I sit on my ass, jack it to pr0ns, listen to Daniel Carver of the KKK tapes, and think of funny shit to write. I’m a lazy cunt who for the most part cares only about my own family and sometimes other people’s families, IFF the director on cnn does a good job of editing the segment such that I feel bad and momentarily stomach-heavy.

If you’re like me and mostly don’t give a shit, and you wanna be a punk nihilist and sit around getting high and being an outsider – that’s cool. But let’s get it straight: WE’RE the assholes who don’t give a shit- Not Obama, for example, and not the people who optimistically worked to bring him to power.

Guess what – Obama has already changed the world by bringing hope and healing to B-B-BILLIONS of people around the globe. Neo-Cynisism can’t fuck with that – it’s real.

-”Obama brings hope but who brings the PBR son more pushups”
-”Yah and BILLIONS more are STARVING cause of Bush”
-”This bores my internets, cuntbat”
-”When did Blognigger go from being Dave Chappelle to Robin Williams”

These are all AWESOME responses offered up by FAGS – they are pretty funny! For even funnier ones, see the comments section below. StreetCarnage is funny shit that I read every word of. Love it! But remember that Hipsters are comedians, and don’t get confused and become self-righteous next time the real world issues come around! Remember: you’re a jerkoff.

As far as the actual, important, REAL issues are concerned, your cynisism is as useless as a hippie’s blonde dreads – and from now on, it is obsolete. Obama has proven you gay.

For those of you who say Obama is just-like-all-the-rest, some kind of shill for corporate interest: You’re the shill. What do you think all this hipster shit is? You spend your money on being told what to think until the biggest media empire of all time pays people like Gavin in treasure because they so perfectly control you. I don’t think that track record quite puts you in a position to judge shillage.

You’re the fucking shills.

NOT all of you! I’ve been amazed by how great some of the Streetcarnage readers are, namely the people who told Gavin to “grow up” during his don’t-vote post, or who supported David Cross in his recent email about how neo-cynics have a twelve inch penis growing out of their foreheads and thus can’t see shit since the balls are in their eyes.

Now prepare yourselves: This is an era in which you will find many people becoming inspired by government. You are going to see a lot of regular people asking what they can do for their country, applying to work for the Obama administration, and trying to make a difference in real life.

I myself won’t be participating, because I’m too fucking lazy, greedy, and scared. But I don’t harbor any illusion that my selfish path somehow makes me smarter than the people who are actually trying to help. (Many of you do – you are “Those in the Know,” as vane$$a says – there you go, you dumb racist cunt: you’re famous.)

Never believe that the cynicism you spend on scene-dues is actually legal tender in the real world – it would be as dumb as a Hippie thinking he can fight global warming by fashioning a testicle-choker out of hemp.

To re-cap, from now on:

“I LOVE Led Zeppelin but I HATE stairway to Heaven” = Ha! Funny and cool hipster cynicism. good stuff!

“The primary target of globalizati–” = ah-ah-ah; shut your cunthole.

Take care!

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