STREET CARNAGE » NYC

WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT PANTS?

Jen Hanley — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 04:26:29 +0000

I am not sure where anyone got the idea that looking like you’re wearing a diaper with a fresh load in it looked good

I am not sure where anyone got the idea that looking like you’re wearing a diaper with a fresh load in it looked good but the fact that two of these are sold out is so ridiculous I can’t stand it. This horrible trend has been holding steady for a while now and I can’t get into it (like with most if not all trends). These three sort of represent the normal and extreme versions of the ‘drop crotch’ style, with the first playing it very safe and the last being so over the top you have to wonder who is really wearing that. The middle pair are for dudes. There are none left in stock. What were you guys thinking?? Fashion-wise, I’d like to see a lot less of this shit all over the fucking place right now and more of sticking with this…

I know not everyone can pull off leather pants but if you’re one of those people, please don’t go for the drop crotch. There is a happy medium called blue jeans. Admittedly, black leather skinny waxed and zippered are some of my favorite types of trousers. They dominate the closet and wardrobe of both my husband and I and it’s been this way for a long time. Anyway, can you just picture unzipping that middle pair off for a quick sesh? I remember kids wearing fucking Adidas zip off pants when I was younger and how terrible I always thought they were. In a way these are sort of like that except they’re extremely hot.

If you’re interested in any of this it’s all from the most epic of shops, OAK in NYC.

x
Jen
Gnarlitude.com

NYC: THE PAINTED ASS AND THE MANEATER

Jen Hanley — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 14:18:32 +0000

Two art shows you do not want to miss tomorrow night. Don’t worry, they are at the same time in the same space so you don’t even have to pick between the two!

Two art shows you do not want to miss tomorrow night. Don’t worry, they are at the same time in the same space so you don’t even have to pick between the two!

Aurel has been killing it lately with her burn outs but she has been working hard preparing for this show featuring her much more detailed works and having had a sneak peek at them I can just tell you you’re going to be amazed. I have never seen cigarettes and maggots look as beautiful as they do in her drawings.

Kembra’s butt prints are some of my favorite pieces ever. Seeing the process of her making them in her new book, Beautalism (out now on Deitch) was amazing and watching her launch her body paint covered ass onto the canvas from a makeshift ladder all the while with a big smile on her face will make you a believer too.

Do not pass up your chance to see both Aurel and Kembra’s work in person. If you can’t make it to the opening, both shows will be on display until November 1st at the Deitch 76 Grand location.

Jen Hanley
Gnarlitude.com

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HOW TO VISIT NEW YORK CITY

Sam.Metteer — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:57:18 +0000

I come from a tiny town in Northern Canada so when you’re listening to what I have to say about New York City, know that I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about.

When I die, could somebody please dump me into this river? Thanks!

I come from a tiny town in Northern Canada so when you’re listening to what I have to say about New York City, know that I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about. I’ve spent like, a week in New York. If you’ve been before then please don’t read this because you’ll probably get mad. If you haven’t, you should read this because it’s stuff big city people wouldn’t think to tell us.

STAY AT THE GREENPOINT Y, NOT CROWN HEIGHTS

Brooklyn is fucking big, people. Sacrificing location for a few bucks a night is NOT worth it. On my last night in Crown Heights, I had to walk through dozens of NYPD officers and past yellow police tape to get into my building. The cops gave me the same confused look I’d been getting from Crown Heights people all week and a cop asked me, “What’re you DOING here?” I told him that I was staying here, and he was genuinely shocked. He said: “GOOD LUCK WIH DAT.” A kid had gotten his brains blown out onto the street directly in front of my place an hour earlier.

In movies, they draw a chalk-line, but in real life they just leave the hat where it fell. After I snapped this picture, a lady from across the street started freaking out and screaming because she hates pictures.

Call the Greenpoint Y. You get your own private room and maid-service and little plastic cups and breakfast vouchers every morning for $40/night. The Bedford L stop is only a fifteen-minute walk. You do not need more than this.

Actually, you do need more than this. Chilled wine turns a dump into a palace.

SCREW YOUR PLANS

Go to The Lower East Side and the East Village. Get lost wandering on some Flâneur shit. If you need directions, just say: “which way is Avenue A?” It’s our first instinct as Canadians to start out real polite and say, “Sorry, I was wondering if you could help me out…” Cut the preamble. Polite intros are what homeless people do and New Yorkers appear to be sick of that shit.

BARTALK

When you go to bars in your hometown, you maybe walk around until you find somebody that seems interested. In New York, try the opposite: just grab a stool at the bar and observe. Try to ignore the fact that incredibly hot strangers on either side of you are drunk and are asking you about stuff. I’m serious. Don’t be embarrassed that you don’t know anything about anything, either. Keep saying “eh” and then apologizing. It’s way better than a fake Bronx accent.

In New York you WILL get hustled. Just when you think you’ve got all the scams figured out, this girl will suddenly not answer your calls and your favorite hat will be gone forever.

BOOZE + DRUGS = SEX

Try to spend all of your money on booze and drugs only. You will have way more fun this way. Buy lots of drinks for yourself and for your new New York friends until your funds are non-sufficient. The favor will be returned to you in fun. Spending lots of money on eating out is boring, selfish, and it gives you the shits. Don’t eat. Buy shots.

I was going to use a picture of myself at the bar surrounded by babes, but I don’t have any.

LAND OF OPPORTUNITY

Look at Google Maps for a second. Zoom right in. There are millions of ways to get lost, murdered, drunk, fall in love, etc. You can go missing very easily. Just open the door and start walking in any direction. With over 8 million people in the city (more hot girls than you’ve ever seen before) it’s kind of hard not to act like you’ve just escaped from prison. You might make people nervous with your sweating and your speed walking and your huge eyeballs. Actually, fuck it- that’s a great feeling.