What do you call this situation? You date a guy, you hate a guy, you break up and get back together. You get back together but not really. You break up but wait, were we even going out?

What do you call this situation? You date a guy, you hate a guy, you break up and get back together. You get back together but not really. You break up but wait, were we even going out? He likes you so much he runs around with you all day while you do your errands. You’re grossed out by his back hair but somehow the sex makes up for it. He screams at you and doesn’t answer your calls, you delete him from Facebook and everything else. “We should stop hanging out…but I don’t want anything to change!” The two of you yell across the street to each other like the Titanic is sinking, you’re getting separation anxiety just thinking about him leaving. But he’s angry all the time and passes out drunk and still isn’t over another girl. YES, there are other girls! Secrets, lies, mean spiteful words typed on the keyboard faster than they could ever come out of your mouth. And then there are the allllll the old jokes, The private jokes. The intimate moments of the most laughs ever. You hate him but you still miss him. He hates you too and he ain’t budgin’. What do you call this situation?

You think of a name for it, I’ll provide the soundtrack:

“We’ll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again! (But I’d Buy You a Drink)”

1. No More Drama: Mary J Blige
2. It’s A Hard Knock Life: Jay Z
3. Cannonball: The Breeders
4. There’s No Other Way: Blur
5. Ping Pong Affair: The Slits

www.cafeconlesley.blogspot.com

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New York mag just came out with their big double summer fun issue. They had this one article where they asked certain cool-as-a-mo celebs what they would put on a mix tape if they were, let’s say, going on a road trip or having a block party. I loved that idea, but mix tapes for the road or the block parties are so easy. I mean, what kind of mix tape are you supposed to listen to if you get robbed at gun-point? If you’re swinging with another couple for the first time? Or how about when someone has laced the punch bowl with roofie covered acid?

We all need a music montage for every situation, so here’s mine for today:

Mix Tape for Having Just Lost Your Anal Virginity

1. I Sing The Body Electric: Fame soundtrack
2. Wide Open Spaces: Dixie Chicks
3. Pretty in Pink: Psychedelic Furs
4. Comfortably Numb: Scissor Sisters
5. The Boys Are Back In Town: Thin Lizzy

Listen to any of these songs with a cock in your ass. Trust me. It just “works.”

www.cafeconlesley.blogspot.com

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