STREET CARNAGE » dear drew http://www.streetbonersandtvcarnage.com STREET CARNAGE Fri, 25 May 2012 18:15:52 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 DEAR DREW: WE NEVER HAVE SEX http://www.streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/dear-street-carnage-dear-drew-we-never-have-sex/ http://www.streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/dear-street-carnage-dear-drew-we-never-have-sex/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 18:58:37 +0000 Drew Grant http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=7485 Related posts:
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In my last relationship i used to be with a guy who was seriously into drugs and crazy sex. I would almost have considered him to be a sex addict, or maybe just a stimulation addict. I naturally had a lower sex drive than him, and although I

Dear Drew,

In my last relationship i used to be with a guy who was seriously into drugs and crazy sex. I would almost have considered him to be a sex addict, or maybe just a stimulation addict. I naturally had a lower sex drive than him, and although I tried to keep up it never seemed like enough for him. He often would make me feel bad for not wanting to have sex all the time, and threaten to break up with me on the basis that to him a relationship was nothing without constant and interesting sex. I always despised this view, and abhorred feeling bad about not wanting to have sex sometimes. Well, we’ve been broken up for about a year now. I now have a new boyfriend who is everything the other one is not. He is kind, gentle, sober, and reasonable. He always considers my feelings would NEVER pressure me to have sex. The only problem is that since I am lazy and have a lower sex drive, we hardly ever have sex!!! When we do have sex, it is mediocre at best. It is always very vanilla, and sometimes I cringe at the idea of having sex with him because it is so boring and normal. What is wrong with me!! Is it me that has issues with sex?? Or is the entire package of the ideal man just not possible!?

-Ariella D.


Ariella,
Hey, I hear you. Being in that position fucking sucks. You really like someone and you get along and it’s perfect except you guys sleep next to each other like that Asian woman in the Joy Luck Club does when she’s forced to mary that fat 12-year old prince, ‘just rike blotha and sista.’ If I was Dan Savage I would tell you to either break up with him and find someone you’re compatible with, or talk to him and see if you can find something that turns you both on. But that’s bullshit: talking about sex with your long-term boyfriend is like trying to talk dirty with your gynecologist when he’s got the speculam wedged up there.

So you can either cheat on him, or just wait it out, hope for the best, and invest in a good vibrator. Cheating on him seems like a really good idea off the bat if you’re good at keeping secrets and have loose morals, but the problem is that old adage: Sex IS like pizza. But when people say that they usually mean “even bad sex is still sex so it’s worth it” but that’s also bullshit. Bad sex is like chomping on half-cooked Digiorno’s that’s frozen in the middle. And, best case scenario – you find a discreet fuck buddy who rams that shit so deep into your womb that you’re afraid it’ll burst out of your stomach like that shit in Alien- that’s going to taste like Grimaldi’s. And who wants to go back to frozen pizza after you’ve eaten the best slice in the greater New York area?

So you’ll get resentful of your boyfriend and meanwhile you’re lying to him and the whole thing is just more trouble than it’s worth. It’s better to just stick to the shitty pizza so you don’t know what you’re missing.
Love,
Drew

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