Gutsy move: Whole Foods Market will soon give higher discounts to workers that stay fit.
Despite what most fat people would like us to believe, being fat isn’t an ethnic background or a disability: 99% of fat people are fat because they have serious self-control issues. Being fat is unattractive and unhealthy, but unlike being Jewish, most individuals can WORK HARD to become thin.
Props, therefore, to Whole Foods Corporation for having the balls / marketing know-how to reject political correctness and put their money where their employees’ fat fucking mouths are:
Beginning in March, thin Whole Foods employees will officially get bigger in-store discounts than fat Whole Foods employees.
C’mon:
We’ve all shaken our heads at the morbidly obese woman who thinks she has “just as much right” to an airplane seat as anybody else.
We’ve all marveled at the irony of a fat guy ranting about how unhealthy alcohol and cigarettes are.
Maybe you’ve even asked yourself my own pet question: Why is it socially mandated that we treat cigarette smokers like irresponsible drunk-driving child molesters, while we’re required to collectively lick the chubby taints of Fatties as if they’re disabled Jewish black people?
Horseshit.
They are fat, and it’s dangerous, and it’s greedy, and it’s gross.
Listen:
-If you have a gland problem or you’re on cancer medication that makes you fat, congrats — you’re in the top 1%. You should be allowed to appeal to Whole Foods Corporate for an exception.
-If you’re a weightlifter or The Situation or some shit and your BMI is high but you’re as fit as Richard Simmons, then congrats — you get an exception …
… but don’t front and say that more than 1 fucking % of fat people are not just fat lazy slobs.
Whole Foods made a smart calculation here: Obviously they knew that PC jerkoffs would whine and bitch about how it’s discrimination, or about how BMI isn’t a reliable metric of taint chubbiness, yada yada yada.
The point is this:
Whole Foods pretends to be a HEALTH FOOD store, so projecting good health is of paramount importance to their brand. They can’t have big lardasses giving their sucker yuppie customers advice on which non-fat soy milk to buy — that’d be about as convincing as a white rapper.
Is it a privacy violation? Yeah; that’s kind of fucked up -0 but again, it’s not like it’s mandatory Post Office-style drug testing — HAIR testing — which measures drug use for the last 10 years. (So wait, no one at the post office has smoked a joint for at least 10 years? Jeez, I wonder why one of them blows 20 people away with a Tec-9 each year like clockwork.)
Relax: If you work at Whole Foods and you know you’re a fatass, you never have to submit yourself to Corporate’s probing, Nazi-like body mass examinations.
Is the policy discriminatory? Yes. But keep in mind that “discrimination” is a word that has been hijacked to mean “Racist, Rosa Parks’-corpse-fucking scumbag.”
“Discrimination” shouldn’t necessarily imply something negative. Employers NEED to discriminate against people who don’t perform the services they need — as long as it’s something that’s within an individual’s control, it should be fair game.
If our society didn’t discriminate, we’d live in a fast-collapsing shithole: namely, Britain. Just look at where the uppity limeys have landed themselves.
Can you believe that one? That shit is so PC it makes the Park Slope food co-op look like the third Reich.
Fortunately for most of our staff here at SBTVC, our Corporate Office has no such policy; Street Carnage is an equal opportunity employer and doesn’t discriminate against fat people or shitty writers. This policy has been a godsend for me personally: Remember, I’m not just the Executive VP of Post-Racial Humor; I’m also a fat piece of shit.
This is discrimination to the effect where this policy benefits gay dudes the most. However, fat lesbians cancels this out.
It’s a privacy violation and total bullshit, and I’m not even fat.
I think I would trust a fat person’s taste in food more than a skinny little fake-meat eating pansy’s.
That story about the english job centre is unreal. Nice pic.
Whole Foods doesn’t market itself as a health food store so much as a luxury food store. If I need help choosing expensive cheese, I want to talk to someone who knows something about it. Gimme a fat dude who tries every single variety.
how funny! I just got back from my screening for this test. They also tested cholesterol, blood pressure, and nicotine level… so being unfat doesn’t hook you up with the 30% discount unless everything else checks out. Most of the hipster contingent at my store opted out of the testing due to their unwillingness to stop smoking, despite that they’re all quite thin. I’m rather cheap, so the discount is way more appealing to me than bumming the occasional smoke. Last time I smoked was about a week ago at a house party, but I somehow managed to pass the test. Sweet. Also, there were hella fat bitches in line for the screening (you can have up to a 29.99 BMI and still get a 22% discount- 2% more than what we already get), so PC nerds have nothing to whine about.
@Crushed Hatian – Are you not fat because you have been flattened beneath a collapsed building?
fat people are only good for fucking when youre really drunk.
whole foods makes sense though, i mean, they are first and foremost in the business of selling food…
you spelled “haitian” wrong. you are stupid and your stupid point is thus made even more invalid. (excuse the “thus,” i know its inappropriate for here (no homo))
I would get the full 30% but I smoke. I’m thinking about lying but I might get fired.
I am staring at the picture. Love the perfection of the partially-obscured swazzi
this aggression will not stand.
no way this holds up. it’s clearly discrimination. unlike a case in which they incentivize healthy living by lowering the price of, say, health insurance, this is offering material and monetary benefits to people just because they’re skinnier.
one plaintiff with a doctor saying his gland problems keep him chubby, and this shit is out the doorsies.
inner lawyer calls bullshit.
Why would the b any fat whole foods employees, all the food at whole foods is fucking terrible! Everything in their bakery tastes like sawdust.
I worked at the Whole Foods in Dallas in the late 80s and almost everyone else who worked there was a dirty, smelly, chain-smoking, hippie junkie. But they were VERY concerned about being organic and not allowing any sort of chemical into their food, only their lungs & veins.
maybe they can provide some free gym memberships then.
Incentives sometimes work, but employing basic laws of physics would be much more efficient…
“In supermarkets, the really fattening stuff should be behind a really thin door. Shops should be full of salads, but if you want to get to the pies and cakes, you’ve got to crawl through a little tube.”
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/4076644/Comedian-Ricky-Gervais-in-attack-on-the-overweight.html
Gee. And I thought the Whole Foods concept meant that you ate the WHOLE bag, WHOLE box, WHOLE can, WHOLE pig….
It sounds like this is simply a form of price discrimination. They can make more from their employees by charging different prices based on different demands.
I work for Whole Foods… this biometric screening thing is completely voluntary, and if you are in excellent health you end up getting a 30% discount, so people whining about it being discriminatory are dumb/uninformed. It’s an incentive for health. And if you’re a fat Whole Foods employee, you still end up getting a 20% discount, so it’s not like the company is run by Nazis.
All these Whole Foods employees are making me sick as does this post. Great, I’m glad you’re either too stupid to realize your privacy is being invaded, or you’re thin enough to have it work for you. Shame on you either way. Stand up for your fellow workers. One time soon, it’ll be you they’re after.
I also work for Whole Foods, and this is basically an attempt to expand their customer base and sales by enticing their employees to shop there, most of whom(including myself) do not make nearly enough to do so. The recession is still dragging ass and business is, at the least, slow. Spending money you earn at your employer, regardless of who they are, works in their favor and you’re just handing back part of your paycheck every week. But maybe I’m a cynic and they are just trying to help me live better, without a raise of course. Pass.
lotta angry fatties on this thread….
the bigger issue here is: how do so many people on this site work for whole foods?
who gives a fuck. you’ll still have to stock shelves.
as long as an employee doesn’t get in the way of me raiding those plastic helmet domes filled with free.
…cheese.
@Steve Jobs’ Newest Liver : Cool name, but you might be retarded. It is a voluntary incentive program. No one is invading anyone’s privacy.
” it’s not like the company is run by Nazis.”
Then why was Hitler a vegetarian?
i’m down with this. i worked at hospital for 3 months as a designer (only 3 months cos it sucked and i had to clock in and bullshit like that). anyway, our insurance was pretty great and there were 5 things we could get ‘credit’ for that would lower our insurance. it was like not being overweight, having a bmi less than something, low cholesterol, something else and no tobacco use. well i got all of em except tobacco use and i’m pretty sure those fuckers tricked me into admitting to that one. they draw blood but i don’t think they actually tested it, the bitch just asked and i said yeah i smoke and she marked a box, bitch. at any rate, no one thought that was discrimination, it’s just positive reinforcement.
Why are fat people so angry? The rest of the world wants to help you. You probably don’t want to be fat, and we certainly don’t want to look at how fat you are. Take this as a blessing.
This advert is false http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxJi1QVUH5k
love it love it love it.
Males in the UK are too fat anyways. This law is fine, we dont want to become America for fuck sakes.
I agree with the author here especially about the fact that Whole Foods is trying to project itself as a healthy place to buy food, and anybody crying discrimination should walk on down to a gym and see how many fat people are working there. Unless it’s a Curves (where they go out of their way to hire chubs) there’s no fat people working there. Why? It makes the gym look bad.
My Blognigger!!!
edgyyyyyy
epicsss
This is hacky, wannabe-contrarian crap. A “going postal” joke? Really. The holes in your argument are practically self-evident. I hope you’re not really going for this exclusionist garbage? This has to be a put-on.
By the way, I’ll share with you why we fatties get more consideration than smokers. Because (unless we’re not bathing) we’re not violating the airspace we share with our neighbors. Unless you want to crack the windows open all the time, you’ve got to have some wind carry that cigarette smell away. They’re your clothes, get ‘em as smelly as you want. Just not mine, please.
Good shit Benji.
^^^Mike’s comment is the greatest of all time.
He writes how my man’s post isn’t funny but then reveals that he’s angry and fat!!!
Real live comic book guy here in our studio. Flawless!
“we fatties” ftw
“Because (unless we’re not bathing) we’re not violating the airspace we share with our neighbors. ”
You’ve obviously never sat next to yourself on an airplane, Mr. Fatty Pants.
@Mike
“…and one with extra CHEESE!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzyd91NFx-Y
What the fuck? Shouldn’t Whole Foods reward the pigs, who surely SPEND more money on foodstuffs than their slender counterparts?
^ y would they want chubs to get more of a discount? They’re gonna buy their body weight in groceries every week anyway, y not make as much money as possible from them.
the only thing worse than whining fatties are the comments below the article on the Jezebel site. bunch of insufferable PC fucks. tell you wut…
to me it would seem they should give the fat bastids MORE of a discount on veggies and plain yogurt and such, but make them pay full price for the family size caramel corn they stuff there faces with while looking in the mirror and telling themselves how beautiful they are.
Kind of like Gov. Patersons proposed tax on soda. Less people smoke cause they $10 a pack and ya cant buy a loosey. If grape soda, slim jims and twinkies were taxed more heavily, maybe black children wouldn’t eat them for breakfast on the train every morning while teaching my 2 yr old son the word nigger every three seconds.
If they could discount the tofu and bok choy, they’d all be reading Tolstoy.
No thanks. Hurts, I know.
Its not a privacy violation because being fat isnt private. If your fat everyone fucking knows it.
If I worked at Whole Foods, I’d get all my food for free!
Pocket Bonus Dudes!!!!
“I’d rather eat a pizza with friends than eat sprouts alone”
Thank you on your assist!
If your cholesterol has been tested and being broadcast anyone being paid to do a job. Should do so. No wonder I cannot see anything all the shit that goes with eating unhealthy food with my oes is not being done. For the sake of building link even talking about wol fat. Forum. Ok my part cheap take away can be very rich . If you want to be naughty and clog your arteries then do not watch and be fussy …..u are what u eat.
Itsme