My grandmother isn’t so great with the computer: the last thing she “forwarded” me was a print-out of a newsweek.com article about the Guitar Hero Video Game Phenomenon – It was stuffed into a stamped envelope and mailed from her old age home in 2007.
My grandmother isn’t so great with the computer: the last thing she “forwarded” me was a print-out of a newsweek.com article about the Guitar Hero Video Game Phenomenon – It was stuffed into a stamped envelope and mailed from her old age home in 2007.
Her letter came at a time when I was in a particularly tight period of financial difficulty. Enclosed with the Guitar Hero article was a 3×5 notecard bearing a single shaky sentence, hand-written in her own personal Parkinson’s font: “YOU COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS!”
I can only imagine that in a similar manner, every 20-something in the country was recently forwarded this article from last week’s Sunday Times: What Is It About 20-Somethings?
Now as much as I love mocking hipster douchebags, and as much as I HATE the 20-something tone used in this unreadably smug refutation, I do have to concede that the NYTimes article is a pile of smelly balls.
Conventional wisdom is that 20-somethings’ parents gave them so much praise as kids, that upon college graduation they were dumbfounded by the harsh realities of a job market which didn’t have to love them.
Sounds good, creates buzz, sells papers – but as a scientific theory, it can be inductively DISPROVEN using my own anecdotal experience:
One sunny morning when I was four years old, I took a now legendary dump in the Leo household. After I was done, and without wiping, I stood up from the toilet and turned around to look inside the bowl.
As I looked in the toilet, shit juice running down my legs, I noticed that I had pooped six balls of doody: three big ones and three little ones, and that each were mysteriously paired together: big/little, big/little, big/little.
I instantly screamed for my mother: “MOMMY! I POOPED THE THREE BEARS!”
When my mom rushed into the bathroom, I explained that the artifacts of my bowel movement resembled the scene in the popular Brothers Grimm fairy tale Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
Realizing that each big poop was a bear and each little poop was its respective bowl of porridge, my mother burst into tears. She whisked me into her arms, proclaimed my genius, and got the shit juice from my legs all over her flesh and clothing.
That formative embrace, with my mother and I covered in my shit and her tears, defined my ego and sense of entitlement forever.
So you see, NOBODY’S mother sucked their dicks harder than mine did – and yet I got a REAL job right after college. Ergo, giving head-jobs to one’s children is NOT SUFFICIENT to turn them into jobless jerkoffs.
I’ll tell you one thing though, Mr. or Mrs. New York Times Reporter, hiding behind that gender-ambivalent name: Don’t go rationalizing sponging off one’s parents all throughout one’s twenties by giving it some fucking Official Sounding Name.
Fuck outta here, tryina make kids feel ok about living with their parents until they’re 30 just so you can get a writing credit.
Emerging Adulthood, nigga please. Don’t write it up to longer lifespans, cultural changes, being gay, birth control, cockin fuckin BULLSHIT. The important thing is one thing and one thing only, and EVERYONE needs to follow this rule: Ya can’t live off your parents after age 21.
Just because your parents fucked up the economy so bad that it’s unbelievably difficult to have the career of your choosing, it’s still possible to make sure you’re not a drain on society. Even if you had your balls licked as a kid, the best way to achieve this goal is to have a father who transforms into a psychotic drill sergeant as soon as you turn 18. In case your father figure was killed or fled like Kanye’s, put your tiny hand in mine:
1. You’re allowed to do whatever you want as long as you can pay for it. That’s America.
2. Get a job anywhere that provides health insurance. Make sure your salary is at least twice your rent. Because it’s our job and we love you, your mother and I will GIVE you first / last / security deposit, but DON’T FUCK THIS UP.
3. Write your music or do your art until you can trick someone – NOT YOUR PARENTS – into giving you money for it.
4. If you want to get laid by women over 26, make sure you have a bedframe and not just a mattress on the floor.
5. If it didn’t suck they wouldn’t call it work.
Steers and queers, boy; steers and queers.
I would have actually read this post if there wasn’t A FUCKING CAR AD POPPING UP IN THE FUCKING CORNER OF MY SCREEN.
I understand you rely on advertisements to support the website BUT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET RID OF THE FUCKING ZOOM ZOOM AD.
I live with my rents and I’ll be first to admit it’s pathetic but still it’d be a waste for me to rent an apartment 12 miles from home and leave my parents with another empty bedroom and fridge full of chow that’ll go to waste. In my opinion whats worse is when people decide to move out just because everyone else is, wasting 600 bones + extras on rent. As long as you got a plan, I see no issue with living with the rents when your 20ish. But then again its been a while since I’ve seen a boob.
i’m with Cool Face…that ad is goddamn persistent…
also can’t scroll down with my mouse all of th’ sudden…
that ad is fucking shit up.
Thinking about all of those fleshy 40-year-old white dudes at the Jew York Times congratulating themselves for conceiving an article that is basically just, “What’s the deal with kids these days?” is my anti-drug.
ya this is like when vice had that annoying cell phone or car ad w timberland. come on guys we love you for not being total whores.
I love this comment from the rebuttal:
As a 28-year-old, I know plenty of 20-somethings who are motivated, employed, passionate and independent of their parents. They will shape this generation – and have started to do so already the arts, music, science, social policy, multiple arenas. I also know many of my age group who exist on the largesse of their parents way into adulthood. They’re generally the kids who are unable to pin down exactly what it is they want to do and exist in dreary jobs (if they have one) because they can’t pull their finger out their ass, identify what they might be passionate about, and go for it.
Hey, I know plenty of people who are “shaping up” the arts/music/medias/etc, and you know what? They live in shitty holes of apartments, and barely make rent, if that. Science, the fuck I know about that, but everything I’ve heard about the grad school medical scene is that it’s gone to the Chinese/Indian population.
You find out from an HR perspective that you’ve got a battle of 200 people per day applying for a 15-20 dollar an hour design production monkey job. It’s an employers market.
I’m not going to get too in-depth, but I ended up getting out of my job a few months ago and I’ve been living on the unemployment stipend. After searching for jobs for the last 3-4 months to stuff that I’ve actually “been passionate for” or things that I wasn’t really too passionate about, but maybe didn’t want to stick a gun in my mouth every day (like the previous job), I’m at the point to looking for jobs in retail/administration, or even temp stuff, because everyone wants a cool job where they collect vinyl toys, play with photoshop all day, and listen to dubstep.
What car ad?
(Turns off ABP in Firefox)
Oh shit, that really is annoying. Whatever.
‘I live with my rents and I’ll be first to admit it’s pathetic but still it’d be a waste for me to rent an apartment 12 miles from home and leave my parents with another empty bedroom and fridge full of chow that’ll go to waste. In my opinion whats worse is when people decide to move out just because everyone else is, wasting 600 bones + extras on rent. As long as you got a plan, I see no issue with living with the rents when your 20ish. But then again its been a while since I’ve seen a boob.’
hope you’re not ever planning on having sex.
“anonymous” can’t be real. I live with my rents? Fridge full of chow? 600 bones + extras? Who talks like that? This sounds like one of those christian shows where 35 year olds try to pretend they’re teenagers like in that one Mr Show sketch. I don’t think the term “rents” has been used to describe parents since like 1998, so either this dude is 30 or fake.
Green alien go ZOOM ZOOM
Live Free Die Hard
@kure kure takora: When I read that comment, I thought to myself, gee, that’s funny, from the last two jobs I’ve had in the past year, I can remember more than a handful of fellow employees who have been paying their own rent from early on; supported themselves through school but dropped out because they were lazy (by their own admission); have zero ambition and are amused by their own deadbeat-ness. And then, another handful of people who, were born with silver spoons in their mouths, like Blognigger, and whose parents continue to float them, but who know what they want and are trying against unfavorable odds to get it. But I guess that reality is nowhere near as convenient as the romantic notion that privilege breeds lazy losers while self-reliance turns people into successful entrepreneurs whose bass-playing revives comatose kittens.
Yes mate. Get a fooking job shun
Unreadably smug.
i thought you loved me
Boner #1309:
She is a video store clerk and he is a waiter at Red Lobster and you caught them coming home from a baptism. They both live with her aunt.
Haha! I used to supervise…in an office…these millennial types. Good for two things: scoring hydro + delivery (to work) and posing nude “Oh do you work out? I’m doing some figure studies…”
Shit, B, you dialed this one in, don. My kid’s 8 and I already broke the news that she can’t live with us after she goes to college. And if she returns it’s the couch for $900/mo. and we can only see her for dinner.
Shiiit, back in the day I had to walk uphill BOTH WAYS in the snow to leech off parents.
this is hilarious, bunch of fucking moochers won’t learn how to wipe their own ass till after 30.
Smarmy and smug. I enjoy you most of the time, and it’s not that I disagree or whatever, but could you work on being a little more likeable?
I actually had a nightmare last night that I had to move back in with my mom at the age of 40. My little sisters cute friend was undressing in front of me, so it wasn’t that bad of a dream.
As Dave Mustaine once said: “…get a job, pay the rent and practice, practice, practice…”
“My kid’s 8 and I already broke the news that she can’t live with us after she goes to college.”
hahahahahah
“You could have invented this” is fucking amazing as well.
You want to be creative? No shit, so does everyone else. So get a job on the weekends, or part time or whatever that allows you the time and space to do your main shit.
this article fucking sucked
My parents weren’t boomers growing up, they were poor growing up. Because of that, I was told I sucked/developed a work ethic/moved out at 21. Now we’re friends and we can hate 20-somethings together.
Everyone who doesn’t like this post lives with their rancid parents.
@TY, yeah millennials really are rubes!
get ad blocker you re res. duh! never see that shit again.
ZOOM ZOOM fuck you
Oh, the wisdom!
THEY’RE MAKING A SHOW ABOUT “SHIT MY DAD SAYS”
I REQUIRE DEATH
yeah fuck dem pop ups…
first MIA now this? Wankers.
Whayyy??? I am too drunk to read this shit-ola!!!!!!!!!!
That 3 bears /turd analogy was a bunch of shit.
Who reads this site and can afford a new car? Nice targeted marketing.
i like the article. nonetheless, it is a difficult market for 20-somethings.
My parents are rich. FTW
Hah I commented this morning about how to make the annoying ads go away…and then the comment went away.
hahaha. well said
I thought I was finally going to make it thru a day without having any suicidal thoughts but then that pop-up entered my life. I’m going to get some sleep now, not permanently, just a reg sleep so I feel chipper in the wee morn.
you know what’s insane though? the new mazda2. it’s like concentrated zooming. as soon as i get this feculent, weeping abscess (in the back of my knee – i can only find veins in my feet – oh, 2010, you silly garbage head!) drained on the city’s dime i’m gonna improve my credit, get a huge loan and buy one… do you think i can still get it in Mojito Green™?
i might sell weed into my 40′s.
STREET BONER #1311 is a perfect example…who the fuck wants to hire that suicidal bitch?
I live with my parents and work full time to pay for school. Why don’t you go strangle yourself with your own bootstraps.
HEROES:
Forest
kure kure takora
Eine Kleine Arsemusik
Ty
Norm
Waygood Ellis
GOATS:
Yougotitharv
Penis-Belinis
Dick Nixon
Zippy
Tom thumb
Got a fungal infection in my balls from wearing tight jeans in a warm damp climate. Was wondering why balls smelled extra weird.
There is no reason why anyone with a functioning brain should be unemployed for more than two months. Fucking McDonald’s will hire retards. There are Walmarts, Targets CVSs, Wallgreens or whatever, all over this fucking place. If you can’t get work, you fail at life and should kill yourself. At least then you will be helping by reducing the population by one.
hear, hear~!
Would Gavin McInnes be living at home if he was a 20something today???
I live at home. I pay rent and fix everything that needs fixin… but my mom has become my friend. I miss my mom
you need to carry your fucking weight as an adult. 22+ year old babies making excuses are gonna be worse than aids at this rate.
miss appalachian Says:
i might sell weed into my 40’s.
~~~~~
Money…as long as you don’t do it out of your parent’s basement.
you’re just angry because your parents were too poor to let you stay home.
fuck paying rent/buying food and all the extras.
besides, getting pussy aint hard when you live in a basement suite.
Did not read.