Posted by
Kyle McInnes
• 06.04.08 03:02 pm 
This guy was one of the funniest stand ups to ever be. He had crippling stage fright though, and used to do some shows with his eyes closed.
This guy was one of the funniest stand ups to ever be. He had crippling stage fright though, and used to do some shows with his eyes closed. Eventually, he turned to heroin to ease the pain. Then he got all caught up with a really cunty girlfriend that wished she was funny and ruled his life. Then he died. We miss him and his amusing ways. He invented a new way of talking. Once he said, “The other day I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt. You don’t have to give me a receipt for a donut. I gave you 80 cents. You gave me a donut, end of transaction.”
I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this guy.
My favorite joke was “If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.”
ALSO “I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk. I said, “Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete. Don’t fall asleep or I will tip you over!”
the best way to deliver a punchline with friends is always in that mitch hedberg way.
my favorite joke is “i bought an ant farm. those fuckers didnt grow shit.”
Mitch is the best. period.com
this guys act is on the comedy network in Canada like 5 times a day
Mitch kicked ass, but Bill Hicks was the best ever.
The Quadruple Tree Hotel
did you sbtv guys just discover that we’re missing someone as awesome as mitch? ehh
“We do not need to bring paper and ink into this.”
“I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating grass, drinking a glass of water. I said, “Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete. Don’t fall asleep or I will tip you over!”
Otherwise he’d be a cannibal cow?
“my friend once asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said no….but I want a regular banana later so….yeeah”
“I was getting my teeth whitened, but I said, ‘forget that – I’ll just get a tan instead.’”
I miss him too.
“I saw a hobo eating grapes, and I was all ‘Dude, you hafta wait’”
Ilikethisguy is a retarded smegma eating, douche drinking, spammer who’s clit needs to be ripped off.
“I don’t have a girlfriend. I just know this chick that would be very upset if she heard me say that.”
And on a side note: I used to work in a shopping center and would often walk to Subway to get a sandwich. One day (about a week after Mitch died) a co-worker asked if I could just get him some bread to eat with the soup he brought. As I checked out I asked about the bread and they said that they don’t normally do that, but since I was a good customer they would sell me bread for a buck fifty. They asked what it was for and I said “I have a duck.” AND THEY GAVE ME THE BREAD FOR FREE! As soon as I walked out of there, I nearly pissed my pants laughing. Ducks really do eat free at Subway!
“I don’t have a girlfriend. I just know this chick that would be very upset if she heard me say that.”
And on a side note: I used to work in a shopping center and would often walk to Subway to get a sandwich. One day (about a week after Mitch died) a co-worker asked if I could just get him some bread to eat with the soup he brought. As I checked out I asked about the bread and they said that they don’t normally do that, but since I was a good customer they would sell me bread for a buck fifty. They asked what it was for and I said “I have a duck.” AND THEY GAVE ME THE BREAD FOR FREE! As soon as I walked out of there, I nearly pissed my pants laughing. Ducks really do eat free at Subway!
“I like sauerkraut on my sandwiches. . .Well then you’re not in the fuckin’ club!” LMFAO. I was listening to this dude while getting stoned for the first time in years. . .probably one of the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
I like when the neighbor’s pounding on the wall because he’s playing his music too loud and he just shouts back through the wall.. “Go around!”
oh and, rice is always great when you’re really hungry and you want 2000 of something.
I miss Mitch too.
alfalfa sprouts, not sauerkraut.
They say that the secret to sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home and theres more to it than that. Want some more home made sprite? not till you figure out what the fuck else is in it.
I want to take a ride in a cold air balloon. You’re scared of heights and you don’t want to leave here? Well, come take a ride in my cold air balloon, cus we ain’t fuckin going anywhere.
I use to always look out for him when he was on just for laughs. It was the first time my brother and I laughed together. I cried when I heard he died two years later.