All right kids, half a dozen one-hitters and some very pruney fingers later, my superbrain appears to have cracked the three mysteries. By the way, I had a heavy shit epiphany while in that bath and it has absolutely nothing to do with the three mysteries. You know how religious people say, “There’s no atheists in foxholes?”
All right kids, half a dozen one-hitters and some very pruney fingers later, my superbrain appears to have cracked the three mysteries. By the way, I had a heavy shit epiphany while in that bath and it has absolutely nothing to do with the three mysteries. You know how religious people say, “There’s no atheists in foxholes?” How fucked up is that? The only person you can find who agrees with you has a fucking gun pointed to his head. It actually proves the opposite of what it’s trying to prove.
Anyhoozers, here’s the three mysteries solved.
Oh wait, I should preface this whole thing with saying I am a Nature over Nurture guy and don’t believe any of this shit about society making you who you are. We are who we are from the day we are born. This philosophy is proven time and time again by identical twins separated at birth: same car, same dog, same income, etc.
Now, there are obviously some external factors that can fuck you up. Being molested is a one-way ticket into the sex industry. Being in jail for more than four hours is going to give you a pretty shitty attitude. But my dad grew up poor as shit and fought every day of his life. He’s also one of the laziest people I’ve ever met. Despite all this, he has a high IQ and that eventually led to wealth and security, almost against his will.
So yeah, it takes a pretty huge vector to knock your trajectory off course so let’s say life is about 80% nature and 20% nurture. Ok?
1- WHY ARE ALL ARTISTS LIBERAL?
First of all, most artists are NOT liberal. The world is about 50% right 50% left with a slight lean towards liberal during the younger days and a slight lean towards conservative during latter days. The political preference of artists mirrors this. However, this is when we define “artist” as someone who can draw hands and hammer out a half decent landscape, someone born with artistic talent. This is considered a somewhat conservative idea of what an artist is. Liberals think you’re an artist if you fart in your soup and use big words to describe it. Therefore, though an art supply store has an equal number of lefties over righties when it comes to talented artists, there is a huge surge of untalented artists who adhere to the liberal ideology because that ideology allows them to consider themselves artists.
If you’re a shitty guitarist you can either hang out with classical musicians and feel like a shitty guitarist or you can hang out with punks and say you’re doing it on purpose just like everybody else. This is the clientele art supply stores are going for with their “Fuck Bush” magnets in the impulse buy sections, the posers. Without this liberal notion of what an artist is, most art supply stores would be out of business.
2- WHY ARE ALL COMEDIANS DEPRESSED?
This is true but it’s important to note, not all depressed people are comedians. I think someone pointed this out in the comments: Comedians are a contingent of depressed people that have managed to figure out a solution to the hell that is their day to day existence. If you take a humorous spin on the shit that surrounds you, it becomes more bearable. Say your wife was bitching about having to feed your baby and she goes, “Could YOU feed someone every two hours from your body!?” You can start crying because you’re a manic depressive or you can go, “I could if that someone was you and the food was my cum.” There, now you took a grim fight and turned it into an amusing sex jam. This is why a lot of depressed people are not extinct. They managed to figure out a way to turn shit into shine-o-la. The reason we happy people love to see comedians do stand up is it’s like taking an anti-depressant when you’re not even depressed. They give us the tools to make our already pretty good lives even better.
Here’s a new problem however, and it combines mystery #1 and mystery #2: Why are all comedians lefties? If you asked every single comic in the history of Last Comic Standing AND every SNL writer AND the entire cast of Superbad, what they thought of Sarah Palin they would all say, “Cunt.” I’m going to assume it’s similar reasons to the artist thing but faking being funny is a little more difficult than faking painting. Can anyone solve this one please? I have a funny feeling David Cross is to blame and I’m not even kidding.
3- WHY DO NERDS HAVE NO SOCIAL SKILLS?
This one was a motherfucking cunt of a brainteaser and it took way more than a hot bath and some mary jane to figure out. They’re smart, so why not look up a guy that’s popular with the ladies and just fucking copy him? If girls are into Dash Snow, take a picture of him to a bunch of used clothing stores and just buy what he’s wearing. Then, grow your beard long and put Polaroids of the Post on your wall. Done. But they don’t do that. They can find the derivative of any function but they can’t handle the impossible equation of “cool.” What are they androids trying to figure out “this thing we humans call love”? “And what is this ‘humor’ you speak of? It seems to be random observations just repeated in a strange way. Why does that make you humans laugh? And war confuses us too. You are all the same basic DNA so why must you kill each other?”
Are you that stupid, nerds?
I have to confess Jim Goad helped me quite a bit with this brainteaser of a lobe tickler. Ready? Nerds are awkward and shitty around girls because they should be. They have nothing to offer (sorry guys). They could fake it and make it all the way to the bedroom but they lack testosterone and would most likely blow it the second the pants come down. Think of it this way: If you could get some fat loser chick a date with Brad Pitt and he totally loved her and took her home to eat out, she would almost definitely blow it. She’d start crying and holding him and feel all ugly in bed and say bum outs like, “You don’t really like me” etc. Now, if Paris Hilton took him home, she’d fuck him a new ass and they’d both collapse on the floor going, “Holy Shit!” afterwards. Nerds don’t step to hot girls or any girls because they are not meant to and it goes both ways. We only take what we can handle.
Once again it all comes back to Darwin. Nerds are just the mojo-less part of the male population that figured out a way to not become extinct. Back when we were apes there were two guys sitting there eyeing a shrewdness of mates (that’s the collective noun for apes, I looked it up). The big-dicked cool one just lept in and fucked them all. The little-dicked loser could either sit there and end his bloodline forever or come up with some smart way to get them like put itching powder on their cunts so they needed his dick to scratch them. Society needs both nerds and tough guys to function and we’re happy we have both so let’s not fuck with it.
CONCLUSION
Not all artists are liberal but shitty artists tip the scales. Comedians are just a small group of depressed people that developed a way to deal with their grim existence. And nerds are awkward because they have nothing to offer. Now, if you can figure out why everyone funny hates Sarah Palin, I’ll be very grateful.
When I first moved to New York I was sitting at a table with this black girl and everyone was talking about penis size. She confessed she’d never seen a white guy with a small dick because any white guy that goes up to a black girl is going to have something pretty half decent in his pants (I proceeded to fuck this bitch in half by the way). Evolution has made sure the only people that have the courage to approach others have the gumption to close the deal. That’s why women like confidence. If you are confident you can fuck her brains out, you can probably fuck her brains out.
We used to befriend nerds in High School just to fuck with the jocks. They came to our parties and got drunk with us. Without exception, this ended up with one of them barfing his guts out and yelling, “Tammy! I love you!” as we all stared in horror (Tammy Konkle and David Macintosh, if you are reading this, it was on the Kanata overpass and it scarred me for life – do you remember?). We fucked with the spacetime continuum and the gods were not impressed.
Clark Griswald has been regarded as a nerd, but he had Mrs. Griswald on the floor over a hotel comforter. Does this prove he’s certainly not a nerd?
Sarah Palin conundrum solved: Her husband Todd is far foxier and more butch than any comedian who’s ever lived, so they know they’ll never get to fuck her.
“put itching powder on their cunts so they needed his dick to itch them.” holy fuck how did I not think
That picture is gold btw.
they all seem to hate palin because there are so much jokes to do about her. but in fact they need her to feed their negativity. i think that’s cool. she’s like dark bread for funny angry people.
Comedians like lefties because they are depressed and the world around them sucks, so they worship the state as if it was their mommy and want bureaucrats to take care of everything and make it all better so that they dont have to worry anymore.
très brillant! génie!
je t’aime!!!!
I hate when people say blacks are good at basketball because we left them no other choice. So, Geroge Costanza could be just as good at it but he was able to get a better job? Go to Africa. The kids there do back flips for fun and it’s not because we killed the ones that couldn’t. They’re just more athletic. Maybe it’s from having to escape lions for hundreds of years.
jordan es un FGGT
I take a tremendous amount of offense at what Joe Joe just said. I dream that one day we’ll live in unity under the maternal protectiveness of a police state whose hired thugs will club to death anyone who suggests that people aren’t inherently equal.
People who don’t believe in equality are so inferior to the rest of us, they should be killed.
Je m’apelle Dickless French Guy.
This isn’t fair. You solve 3 mysteries and give us a new one.
Tasty gonjectures, Gavin.
The incompetent liberal artist is quite a fucking mind job. As an artist with mechanical and conceptual talent, I cannot help but criticize these continuously busted nuts and their “the tin foil represents humanity” gallery appearances. Fortunately their artistic lifespan is restricted to their wallets (or daddies) and they’re forced into the real world as PETA protest organizers. But hey, that’s art too! Right? Lick my asshole.
Sorry Jordan, I didn’t mean to steal your delicious name.
guys, it is strange what you do with virtual names. but funny i must say. i don’t have anything against jordan though. and what means : “très brillant! génie! je t’aime!!!!” ? ahah! so much fun on US blogs! hey dickless guy, do you want a picture of my dick to masturbate over? i don’t understand?
oh and you know, not having a dick is not such a problem. once you get used to sit when you pee, it’s all fine. i know many women who master this move quite finely.
Sarah Palin is not the right kind of right. She’s just there to get votes from people who are ideologically retarded. Most smart comedians are rather libertarian… I think the real question is, why is david cross so liberal?
again, i did not say :
“Sarah Palin is not the right kind of right. She’s just there to get votes from people who are ideologically retarded. Most smart comedians are rather libertarian… I think the real question is, why is david cross so liberal?”
not that i realy care in the end but…
cunt
Je ne maturbate pas. Je have no dick.
Je piss out of je nez.
the classic painting non-artists do is a woman from behind all folded up so you just see her back and her hair. It’s a torso shot where you can’t really go wrong because there’s so many different torsos out there. All you have to do is be symmetrical. It’s the painter equivalent of the sexy model on the toilet: easy, derivative, predictable. Ironically Picasso’s best piece is actually the same thing. but he could draw hands. He learned the rules before breaking them. Today’s artist just skips to the end.
@dickless : you should write a book in that gibberish french of yours. that would be great. it’s like reading the phonetic transcription of a def retard talking shit. really funny!
the nerds thing sounds right. I’m a firm believer in the power of positive thinking getting you what you want, and nerds are negative thinkers because they are smart enough to recognize they are nerds. so they get stuck in a rut with a fatt butt mutt
and a rap a dap dap. I can’t answer the sarah palin/comedian question cos I just got home from work and am dead sober, it’s the kind of question that requires big fingertipfuls of mdma and a bowl and a beer to solve, so I’m just going to venture another a tangent question.. why are comedians hating on sarah palin when she is easy money? 4 guaranteed years of weird leftfield shit to riff off with zero effort. comedians should be praying she gets elected cos in addition to being depressed they are usually lazy and selfish. from that perspective, 4 years of CAREfully vetting all your presidential jokes for “racism” so you don’t get lynched by oprah is going to be haaard guys
Loomis you never even fucked your mother and she fartfed you until you were old enough for solids baby. fucking a black sock with a perfume sample rubbed all over it isn’t the same as “fucking a bitch in half”
seriously loomis is a nerd
Funny people don’t like Sarah Palin because they want to fuck her and they know she’d shoot them down. She brings out such a reaction because we all knew a Palin-clone in school and she woudn’t fuck us back then either (sorry I slipped into the collective there I’m not a comedian).
You should win a fucking Pullitzer with this!
sorry but the answer to #3 doesn’t really cut it. i think you should try again. the other 2 are good though.
Hey fuck you guys. I’m an artist, I just cant draw worth a shit, so don’t judge me you cretins.
way to paraphrase me bitch. remember LOL@U answered all these questions first and in a much more succinct fashion.
new mystery idea: why did hemingway bite the shotgun?
Gavin,
I thought I smelled something fishy when you started playing Dash in this piece. We all know he just thinks he’s cool and chicks dig him because he comes from an aristocratic family that includes Uma Thurman for an authentic connection the 21th century. Plus, he was getting his ass kicked all over Manhattan for years. ERRONEOUS notions are the key to great IRONY! Touche ironic-mustache man. TOUCHE!
There are plenty of comedians that are right wing, you just don’t find them funny because half of funniness is recongnition/identification with the comedian (this is mostly for stand up I guess). But trust me, there are comedians out there right now on the college and bible belt circuit who love Palin.
Whoa! These are all well said. There is probably more that could be said about nerds.
I’ve known more than a few conservative artists. All the people in my mother’s family are conservative. Sure, many of the artists in New York, SF, and LA are liberal but there are other places in America to live and make art.
The need to get up on stage and make people like you on a regular basis comes out of daddy turning off the hug machine.
I hate Sarah Palin cause she’s a terrorist! Kill her!
Don’t most sane people hate Sarah Palin because she literally fumbled like an ill prepared high-school student at the exam on Katie Couric, and still has the audacity to run for motherfuckin VP? Or is that just me?
DooDooHead,
Are you a graphic designer? Reviewing the layout on Chilis napkins doesn’t automatically qualify you as an artist.
artists are usually liberal because in general, liberals dont put pure profit and unregulated capitalism at #1 in their spank bank forever. “creating art”, or “being indie” usually means you are fucked in GWBush world, for a variety of reason. if you want to play the ‘govt as daddy’ card, thats great for a burn, but it makes you sound like you have no smart liberal friends (you obviously do have plenty). and whats wrong with saying fuck bush? on stickers its corny, but hes a fucking loser so i cant really knock it. also, funny people hate sarah palin bc they are usually liberal (pro choice/sex ed) as you have said, and shes easy to mock (dumb, in over her head/thinks she isnt/word-salad answers to questions). i think the GOP should hate sarah palin the most bc shes basically the reason mccain will lose. or hate mccain bc it was such a horrible fucking choice.
comedians see the bull-shit of life and make fun of it. it’s what they’re required to do by definition. republicans are simply more bull-shit.
and nerds (well smart people generally) just live in their heads too much, and over thinking everything just makes you awkward and fucked up.
Many of you should avoid the topic of politics like it’s a nine to five. Or, at the very least, limit your criticisms to the radical sets. Reads like a sexually abused community college student having a schizoid chat with The Daily Show in this bitch.
Nerds can’t land chicks because nerds don’t live in the practical world. They can’t pay attention to stop lights or make EZ Mac because their collective nose is in a big book of equations leading them to a cure for cancer. Their thought processes are so complex that it’s almost impossible for them to remember not to shit their pants when they fart.
Chicks live in the practical world because it doesn’t take more than a conversational knowledge of The Republic to have a child – in fact, it takes no knowledge of that at all. Just a conversational knowledge of how to fuck and poop out a kid.
Thales, the world’s first Western philosopher, died when he fell into a well… He fell into the well because he was geeking out so hard on the constellations that he forgot not to lean too far over the edge. Oops!
I know that’s a bit nurture over nature, there, Gavin, but the life of a nerd IS a significant enough vector to throw one off of one’s own nature.
wow..your nose is so fucked from coke
Dude, I’m a talented accomplished musician, and I know ONE conservative. Of course all artists are going to be liberal, or they wouldn’t have chosen to go into art in the first place. If you have artistic talent but conservative views, you’ll become an architect, interior designer, accountant, housewife, whatever, you’re no guitar-practicing, no-house-buying punk. It takes liberal thought to decide to go on a non-conservative career path. Duh!
Gavin, again can you please explain the mystery of why you are wearing that shirt? because it looks like something my sister would’ve worn in the seventh grade.
re What?:
Art is actually not necessarily a “liberal” past time. Landscape artists and portrait guys still need to go to art supply stores. Why are the magnets so against them?
Also, what if you’re funny and conservative? What do you do with your life? Write American Carol? OK what’s next?
Gavin, don’t listen to these Perryist assholes. Perryism needs to be confronted and eliminated whenever and wherever it occurs.
PJ O’Rourke is funny and is right wing, although he started out as a hysterical lefty. It’s ironic that comedians are lefties because left wing politics is inherently unfunny. It’s all earnest and ‘help your brother man, let’s hug’ sort of shit – hardly the acerbic humour we all profess to love. Maybe underneath our layers of hipster affectation and ‘don’t give a shit’ attitude we’re all just big fags after all.
Everything I’ve read so far is wrong, jesus christ it isn’t that hard people
Ah fuck nah “What?”,
I’m a fiscally conservative republican with (generally) socially liberal ideals and I’m pro-military. I’m also pursuing a career in illustration simply to fund my personal work; some grotesque pop surrealism/satirical bullshit. With luck, I’ll be able jet stream a hearty 200 grand from my penniless asshole to fund an education that will most likely prove to be fruitless. Anyway, Dr. Prolapsed, what do you know?
The explanation of #1 is that conservatives have been hell of sucking for quite some time now. Artists don’t like them because they (artists) tend to be thoughtful & well-informed, plus they’re aesthetically offended by things like “we’ll put a boot up your ass, it’s the American way.” There’s a few Republicans around who are funny dudes & independant thinkers, like O’Rourke, Christopher Buckley etc., but the party tends to savage members who don’t agree with all their stances (like when they all “hated” McCain for being pro-immigration.) That is why there used to be lots of conservative artists, & now there aren’t.
Shanga, right-wing politics isn’t inherently funny either. It’s all about taking your responsibilities seriously & preserving the traditions that give meaning to life, nothing hilarious about that. Holy cow, could it be that NO political stances are inherently funny?
Get the fuck over yourselves…..all of you
there are 51 comment that I didn’t read so perhaps this has already been said 51 times, but this made me cringe and feel sorry for you.
but in the end, it’s the nerds that get rich and run the world. Social skills and getting laid doesn’t matter anymore when your 30+ and fucking rich because you can buy them both.
Comedians hate Sarah Palin because they’re jealous. She can deliver punchline after punchline without ever breaking character or laughing.
“Artists” are liberal in self-interest. The kind of people that get boners for tax cuts are not likely going to fund them.
I’ve also “partied” with comedians. I’m not sold on the whole lefty predominance thing, but I’ll agree with the comedians hatin’ Palin generalization (David Cross comedians, not Larry the Cable Guy comedians) . I think that they dislike Palin because they’re observant and she’s oblivious. If you can’t appreciate humor or rise to the challenge of running for VP, you are effectively retarded. Beyond that, comedians resent politicians because they regret not having gotten into politics themselves. After all, there are only 2 things that small penises are good for: making people laugh; or motivating you to run the world.
WHAT THE DOUBLE MINT BACKWARDS FLYING FUCK!!!!! THIS IS WHAT U DID WITH UR PRECIOUS THREE DAY WEEKEND !!!!! THIS IS SHIT! IT TOOK U THREE DAYS TO MAKE SHIT! BITCH IF IT TAKE U 75 HOURS TO MAKE SHIT U NEED MORE FIBER!
the interesting discussion here is your theory of 80/ 20 nature vs. nurture.. have to disagee with that.. don’t you think if we swapped kids (no homo) and your kid grew up with me in a favela in brazil or something instead of the city or brooklyn (the “good” areas) nothing would be different? you mean the kid would turn out the same as he or she would have if he stayed with you? that doesnt make sense ..
#3 IS WRONG. JONAH FALCON IS A NERD AND HE HAS A HUGE COCK. ALSO IF YOU PAY ATTENTION WHEN WATCHING PORN YOU WILL REALIZE MOST MALE PORN STARS ARE NERDS (AND SO ARE SOME FEMALE ONES.) MUCH OF THE TIME NERDS ARE A LOT BETTER IN BED THAN “COOL” PEOPLE.
THE REAL ANSWER IS THAT NERDS OVER ANALYZE THINGS (THAT’S WHY THEY’RE NERDS.) DUH.
Hey if it’s just 80/20 nature/nurture, just throw your kids out in the street, they’ll become fine young americans. Could make VP one day…
best streetboner blog in a while. thanks Gavin, you’re the shit
Nerds have no social skills because, like many other socially inept people, they care too much about what other people think, to the point it cripples their ability to do anything without nervous contemplative precautions. There are plenty of intelligent people who can socialize just fine, while still maintaining an active inner monologue, just some of us do not care what the strangers around us (might) think.
Palin is a fucking shame.
Oh yeah, I generally agree with numbers 1 and 2 – except that most people who are either liberal or conservative are generally just reflective of their parents views – so #1 flies in the face of your nature v. nurture ratio.
who the fuck is this dash? he sounds to me like a twat.
I think he made it clear at the beginning that his Father grew up poor so yes, he does believe that a smart kid in the Favella will eventually get out and make a name for himself. My closest friend grew up in Manhattan with hippy parents in the West Village (back when it was all crack). He went to the worst public schools they had and now he’s a lawyer.
The thing about leaving your kids on the road is true. They would still make something of themselves, only they would have had a shitty life getting there. I don’t send my kids to good schools because that will make them successful. They’re already going to be successful. I send them to good schools because it’s more fulfilling than leaving them on the street.
Best article I’ve ever read on nerds: http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html
(warning: long)
For those who don’t read good I’ll summarize:
1. In school at least, creating social capital doesn’t come easy to the popular kids, it’s basically their full time job.
2. Nerds don’t appreciate how much work it takes to be popular, and anyways, they’re too content with math/elves to really commit to pleasing non-nerds
3. Social skills are much more about making alliances than developing qualities in yourself. To be popular you must constantly maintain the closeness of your group. The easiest way is to rally around a common enemy, the kids who don’t give a shit about the alpha group’s court of intrigue: nerds
So yeah. Nerds spend their time consumed with cool ass shit (robots) and not so cool (anime), but either way, they’re so satisfied going about their nerdwork that to sacrifice how they talk, what they value, and who they’re seen with is too high a price. Ask a nerd if they would give up their level 100 elf, ability to do calculus, and drawer of high white socks for more friends. My guess is no. Since they won’t even try to work their way up the pecking order, nerds undermine the whole institution of popularity. That’s why they get such a hard time from people trying to climb the social ladder, further discouraging nerds from abandoning their nerd life.
That’s EDUCATIONAL
but beyond the nerds that are “drop outs” of the social coterie dung climb of high school, what about the losers that gavin was talking about, who are afraid of girls, hate partying and would prefer to watch 30 rock instead of going to a bar or if they do go to a bar put evansecenaceance on the juke box as a Try and everyone goes NOOOOOOOOOOO. and then the bazoombas retract as cleavage wilts and the chamberlain says “pince nez in our time” as the glasses BRAEK
in summation, comedians good, politcos bad, nerds meh
first off, really? incoherent illogical babbling? thats the best you could do? don’t quit your day job. oh wait…
1. a 50/50 liberal/conservative split for the world? are you a first year university student who thinks a social science theory like the political spectrum is that meaningful that it divides the world perfectly in half? you must be fucking kidding me. the world is predominantly liberal with the exception of plutocrats, dictators, their friends and families, and american evangelicals with wool over their eyes. in contrast, social service reform in europe means smaller mansions for the lazy poor. central and south america are all as liberal as they could be given those who survived murderous US funded thugs. china, korea, and japan all used ISI to develop which means government handholding for the private sector. and pretty much everywhere else is too fucked up, or not democratic enough to be considered.
artists are liberal because people are liberal. they are more liberal than average because creativity and emotion are right-brain skills, and they have both.
2. comedians are depressed because comedy is a coping mechanism utilized by depressives who still want to get laid.
3. nerds can’t get laid because of a simple chicken-egg problem. being good at talking to girls requires talking to a lot of girls. its the same reason nerds don’t just go to the gym, because they have to start out as tiny weaklings and its fucking embarrassing. being good at fucking requires doing alot of fucking, same problem.
finally, trotting out the caramilk problem? well aren’t you chuck motherfucking palahniuk.
p.s. sarah palin is a hot dumb bitch. good for fuckin, not so good for presidentin
I’m hoping a Sarah Palin porno will emerge from all of this (and not an actress playing Palin — but the real deal you bitcha)
There are no liberals in foxholes.
Loomis, I’m not talking about art as a passtime. In fact, you’re right. I know a bunch of very talented people who chose a more conservative career path (doctor, accountant) because their conservative ideas about what they should want or what they should have would not allow them to choose music and art as a career path, even though they have more talent than masturbate-in-public arteests. But professional artists, they tend to skew very liberal.
Cap’N, if you have socially liberal ideas, then you are not conservative, even if you are fiscally “conservative”. Duh! Man, Americans get so bent out of shape to fit into either the Democratic or Republican mold, you don’t even know what a fucking liberal or a conservative IS anymore.
Sorry, I’m not Mark, I’m What?
I knew people would say: artists are liberal because liberals rock and so do artists. AND. Everyone cool hates Sarah Palin because she sucks. Talk about a myopic world view.
“Everyone is liberal except list, list, list, list” Point is, most elections, especially in America are split evenly between right and left voters. Bush may have stole the election but it wasn’t much of a steal. He only needed a few votes to get over 50%.
and stop trying to use the nurture argument on nerds. I have lived all over the world and I always score pussy when I arrive. Not because I’ve been amassing a portfolio of friends but because I know I can pull it off when push comes to shove. Why? Because I was born with the proper amount of testosterone. Nerds weren’t.
Call me Walter Matthau’s hemorrhoid for all I care, buddy. But please, spare me the lesson.
“Cap’N, if you have socially liberal ideas, then you are not conservative, even if you are fiscally “conservative”.
That’s called a “Libertarian,” dummkopf.
Loomis was born with “ambiguous genitalia”. picture the eraserhead baby but dumber
Cock tassel, I haven’t posted a declaration of my Coulter reading, soil tilling, red blooded conservative ways.
I was simply enlightening Ryan Cabrera up there to the fact that not all artists are liberal. But I appreciate the education, sweetie pie.
what is talking about politics except more posturing; yous guys are spoze to be making me laff right now but failed miserable
YOUS SUCK
i endorse this message- stephen harper
these answers are pretty obvious, but still fun to read.
my question is this:
IS THERE REALLY SUCH A THING AS NERDS AFTER HIGH SCHOOL?
in my adult life, i don’t think i’ve ever met someone that can be considered an unqualified nerd, at least not a nerd like the kind gavin just described. all you have to do is look at tina fey, this american life, stuffwhitepeoplelike, etc etc etc, to realize not only are nerds out there and doing fine, they’re considered more or less mainstream. this is to say nothing of the fact that many “nerds” do pretty well running very “hip” web- and computer-related operations.
anyone who has been to any improv or stand-up in manhattan is also likely to notice that they are INFESTED with nerds. both on stage and among the performers’ friends.
i also notice that people whom one might consider to be nerds are more likely to be in long-term monogamous relationships (and get married! although at a nerds pace . . . it takes far too long for nerds to tie the knot), and i don’t think they did it by any particular cunning (like the itchy powder or whatever).
anyway, this isn’t in defense of nerds (i actually think things like tina fey, this american life, stuff white people like, etc etc etc, are all pretty horrific). i’m merely pointing out that there is not some archetypal louis skolnick out there that continues to exist beyond high school.
There are still mad nerds you just don’t see them because they don’t socialize that much and you aren’t forced to hang out with them by the school board. Engineers don’t all of a sudden become Tina Fey (and by the way fuck her “im a nerd” shit. She is a size 0 with perfect features. She could play the DA on Law & Order or model for Maybelline). Go to any convention based on science and technology. The pocket protectors return in full force.
I thought this was supposed to be about shane.
so, is that a water polo hat, or what?
No, it’s one of those brain-wave hats. Look, it’s hooked up to a computer.
Comedians are leftists because making fun of powerful or authoritarian people is funny, whereas making fun of weak people or the underdog is sad and pathetic.
Making some privileged smug chief look stupid is funnier than making a retarded little girl look stupid. (Ok terrible example but you get the point)
ARRGH A WEBSITE CALLED STREETBONERS OFFENDS MY POLITICAL SENSIBILITIES LET ME EXPEND EFFORT ON A HUGE COMMENT AND WRITE REBUTTALS TO MY CRITICS
You’re lame as hell. This is not clever it’s fucking retarded. You contradict the crap out of yourself.
Put the joint back in your mouth and go back to critiquing fashion because critical thought is not your strong point.
There’s an inflated amount of liberal artists because there’s alot of crappy liberals calling themselves artists?
Apparently conservatives make shitty artists because of all the TALENTED artists out there, almost 99.999999% are liberal. You said it yourself that almost all the comedians you know are liberal. Combine that with actors, cartoonists, musicians, designers, architects, fashion designers and everything else and really dig deep. You’ll find that you’re in good conservative god fearing company along with blue collar workers and rich capitalists.
You’re lame, your website’s lame, and your thoughts are lame.
Keep the ignorance coming I learn alot from conservative’s insanity.
Everyone funny hates Sarah Palin because she is the enemy of fun.
@ skid mark
buh..? YES! basically whoever you are at the time you take your last step out of high school is who you are forever…
thats why im still way popular!
and jessica hamilton is still a gross sloppy weird uggo who most definitely is not getting any pole, but she has a masters degree.
Better question, if I may:
Why are so many wealthy people who INHERITED money liberal, whereas most of those who built themselves up from nothing tend to skew conservative?
Eh? Huh? Ahhhhh!
Fiscally conservative republicans? Read the fucking news!
people who inherited money are liberal because they don’t know the value of cash and don’t see how much it sucks to pay 40% of your income to some asshole you didn’t even vote for. Same goes with young kids. As soon as anyone starts making real money and trying to buy a house they get over their liberal shit real fast.
Your ape analogy could just as easily be blacks and Asians.
All the popular kids from my high school have their glory days way behind them. Their facebook page is only like 60 people, 1/3rd of which are from high school. They aren’t rich, and they haven’t moved very far from home. They even look the same, only more boring and more unattractive. They have stupid jobs and I wonder how they haven’t blown their brains out yet.
The end.
For them.
Everyone funny hates Palin, because humor (their raison d´être (invité aux any parties at all) is incomprehensible to her. She can strive to approximate Dubya’s effortless bonhomie all she wants but the result is FAIL.
Let me break it down further: Bad artists are liberal because they need grant $$$ to hoist their bullshit on the world. Isn’t funny that artistes who would never accept cash from, say, Wal Mart for their new amplified fart sound installation would be more than happy to suck the State’s welfare teat dry in pursuit of the same? Why work for a living when dumb rubes from Arkansas can be taxed to meet your weekly coke, erm, art supply needs?
And mosts comedians are lefties because most comedians are Jewish and most Jews are lefties (unless they live in Israel).
dear everyone,
welcome to the retarded douchebag club.
enjoy yr life.
when i hear stuff like all artists being leftists/liberals i get on thinking about yeats, pound, eliot, ungaretti, eugenio montale, chesterton, borges, c.s. lewis, updike, geoffrey hill, bellow, bernanos, mauriac etc. i agree with the statement made by gavin, it’s almost 50-50 — in the 20th century i think we had a little more talented right-wing poets than on the left-wing and we had more talented leftists doing novels than other talented right-wingers.