Ohmygodimissyou at the Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club is one of my favourite nights out in London. For one thing it’s a block from my apartment, my friend Veronica Fancy Chance is always jiggling away onstage in nipple tassels or killing people with her bizarre-o comedy sketches, and the drinks are cheap and everyone looks hot. Last time I went there was for Halloween when I dressed as a pumpkin and my friend Oli Smith dressed like a dead Terry Richardson.

Ohmygodimissyou at the Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club is one of my favourite nights out in London. For one thing it’s a block from my apartment, my friend Veronica Fancy Chance is always jiggling away onstage in nipple tassels or killing people with her bizarre-o comedy sketches, and the drinks are cheap and everyone looks hot. Last time I went there was for Halloween when I dressed as a pumpkin and my friend Oli Smith dressed like a dead Terry Richardson.

Also a bonus: free popcorn served up by this dude who is always in drag with a bad wig. He is very sweet. Here we are with the popcorn machine. That’s his leg not mine. He was ably assisted by this chap in a fire mask and dress.

Anyway, on Saturday I went there with my friends Sam Storey and Tom Leach. Sam is a TV editor and one day when he was googling himself he came across a poem called The Legend Of Sam Storey written by Sage Sweetwater. She’s a firebrand lesbian. I don’t know what that means, but now they are friends.

After I fed them moussaka we got to the club only for the bouncer to deny them entry because they had made no effort with their threads. The theme was 60s and they most certainly weren’t of the era. Marcus, the singer from Pull Tiger Tail was also brutally rebuffed because his jeans were ripped. The owner then told them if they went home and got changed they could get in for free so I sent them back to mine to raid my boyfriend Davo’s wardrobe.

Here is a shot of them before looking like sad losers,

and after, looking pimping. They were even wearing Davo’s shoes which were two sizes too big. Tom is not used to wearing tight jeans. He said he felt like a lesbian. He didn’t look like one, but they did make him walk like his crown jewels were in a vice.

When they walked back in the bouncer said: “See. Don’t you feel better? You might even pull tonight.” They didn’t.

(Veronica Fancy being lewd just for me)

(My friend Andy totally disinterested)

Live music was supplied by Rory More and the Lowrey Organ – essentially a guy who looks like Lou Reed on the keys and Pete Sampras on the rotating drum kit, while Fancy Chance and Trixie Malicious gyrated with a robot.

My friend Fatima was also there. She is a Muslim so she’s not supposed to drink. She’ll start the night off with a cranberry juice. After that it’s Jack and Cokes all the way.

And then look what happens. She sits on boy’s laps (Jack the drummer from Pull Tiger Tail) and steals Trixie’s headset. Always ripe for corruption.

(Jack and Marcus from Pull Tiger Tail

(Digging The Sonics)

After I danced like a maniac to The Sonics’ “Have Love, Will Travel,” we went back to mine again, drank more red wine and debated the merits of Yes, Phil Collins, 10cc and Chaka Demus and Pliers (Check their video for Tease Me. So much lycra, booty and open flames), a 1993 classic.

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