I have to admit, it is tough to get a boner over the pH level of Martian soil.
In the opening credits of Gene Roddenberry’s late ’60s classic Star Trek, William Shatner could be heard saying, “Space: the Final Frontier.” As far as breaking horizons, it’s true: Exploring and understanding the cosmos is basically every fucking move humanity has made since we began our sprawl from the cradle of civilization. Before the creation of radio, television, the Internet and the consequent limitless access to countless acts of depravity streamed directly to your eyeballs, man would look to the heavens and wonder. That was enough.
Last July, when the final NASA-built shuttle blasted off from the swamp land of Florida, I found myself in front of a computer with the time to kill. I watched for minutes as strange voices uttered unintelligible words to each other, but beyond that nothing happened. There was a creeping excitement as the engines came to life and spat fire, but all was lost when they shut down blast off at 31 seconds. After that, I couldn’t get into it. Hell, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.
That’s become the prevailing attitude towards exploration of our solar system. I have to admit, it is tough to get a boner over the pH level of Martian soil.
When the British Empire began sailing around the globe looking for spices, the general public was wowed with fantastic discoveries of exotic animals and strangely colored human beings of varying size and shape — this is what Star Trek was, this is what space exploration needs. We’re just sick of looking at pictures of red rocks.
In April, the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI) was forced to shut down its Allen Telescope Array, which scans the skies for microwave transmissions emanating from distant planets, due to a cut in funding at both federal and state levels. Although it has found nothing of note to date (a fact contributing to its funding cuts), we can’t quantify its search in earthly terms; looking for a signal in all that blackness is the embodiment of the needle in the haystack. The Milky Way alone is rumored to contain an estimated 50 billion planets, and some say there are 3,000 visible galaxies.
After a few months of inactivity and a futile Internet donation campaign, Jodi Foster stepped up and kicked in the remaining funds needed to get the telescope back on line. With this act of generosity, SETI will resume operations until the end of the year. After that, it’s going to need another $50 million to continue for the next two years.
The only thing NASA has going for it right now is the Kepler Space Probe. It searches the Milky Way for habitable planets the appropriate distance from their suns. So far it has found 17 candidates. How fucking awesome is that? I know it’s only 17, but give me a break: That’s a 17 times better chance of fornicating with a hot alien broad.
Deep space exploration won’t really take off (sorry, couldn’t resist) until corporate America starts to make a profit. In the shadow of the shuttle program, NASA is now looking to five companies to supply them with the necessary vehicles to go to the moon and beyond. Once these are proven safe and effective, it shouldn’t be long until the average millionaire will be vacationing on the International Space Station, drinking lunar mojitos and looking down their noses at the rest of us. Even though I don’t particularly like the class separation that civilian space travel will inevitably create, I do think it will be necessary to fund the research needed to fully understand where the fuck we fit into the cosmos… and also to start setting up an intergalactic zoo.
Space is the answer to all our problems.
I’m more of a Deep Blue Sea kind of bro. Sometimes when I go out on the lochs, I’m afraid to go too far out because the water is so dark and I start thinking about how far down the bottom is.
It gives me a boner and I excite myself by rowing out further and further…
we lost the war when the space shuttle was scuttled.
What a lame attempt. Stop smoking all day and listening to kottonmouth kings.
Get excited for the James Webb telescope.
Get a job.
well you know they were too stingy to take billionaire cheeseball tourists for rides, so fuck em’.
Hell, the only late excitement they realy got was from the computer generated public/press fodder that showed what they were going to do, but the reality was always boring in comparison. same with space art. hoping for something that goads the human muscle.
Hubble pics were pretty great and martian sunsets. but damn if you could only ride on that for long. great for desktop wallpapers.
I don’t think much will be lost from no shuttle because we can do it without people. what sucks is the space station waste falling down on us. whats a waste is all the garbage surrounding the planet.
I imagine there will be much cheaper and smaller ways to get what we need from space exploration. the heroism slant is way over.
Too bad the out of body projection buzz is no longer anything since the 60′s. Yeah, we need more real shamans.
ambassador shamans from deforested amazon
yogi kundalini supercum jizzers
I wonder how far they have traveled on just plants. Scifi writers and bruce willis wont save shit. whats the point really? escape? curiosity of our minds?
It comes down to the fact that it has always been science and math and boring technological means of actual hardware.
the prospects of water and life have shown to be more prevalent recently and maybe the space within will create a stepping forth much better by wiping part of the slate clean.
“traveled on just plants -AND siting erect taking perfect shits”
Do get excited for the James Webb telescope….Don’t get a job. Keep drinking all night and start listening to ICP….and have sex with a space dolphin.
Your Opinion: Who Gives a Shit?
I was really hoping to make it to space before I die.