It’s called “Where Are My Keys?” and it perfectly sums up everything that’s wrong with NPR, Baby Boomers, rich people, and musical nepotism. It’s performed by a smug mom named Lorraine Feather who is Billie Holiday’s Goddaughter.
It’s called “Where Are my Keys?” and it perfectly sums up everything that’s wrong with NPR, Baby Boomers, rich people, and musical nepotism. It’s performed by a smug mom named Lorraine Feather who is Billie Holiday’s Goddaughter. And it goes a little like this….
WHERE ARE MY KEYS
Tony Morales/ Lorraine Feather/Terry Sampson
They’re not up on the dresser
I’ve looked and they’re not underneath
The bed or in the laundry
Pardon me while I go out of my head
They’re not in any pocket
Thank God I didn’t lock ‘em in the car
But I’m so late now
And I’d appreciate your help
If you might have any clue
To where they are
Where are my keys
Where are my keys
I’d give anything if I could find my
They’re not out in the garden
Or hidden in a pile of magazines
Or in the dish rack
Must be something else they’d be in between
Be in between
They’re not up on the key hook
Where you have told me time and time again
I ought to put them
When I walk in the door
Oh just get off it (218k Wav)
I suppose you never lose anything yourself
Where are my keys
Where are my keys
I’d give anything if I could find my
Listen, would you tell her
I won’t be there right on time
(Can I get there somehow)
Sorry, I’m afraid that
I won’t be there right on time
(They won’t hire me now)
Listen, could we possibly
Make it another day
(Is that ink on my blouse)
Sorry, won’t you tell her
I’m usually not this way
Wait – wait a minute – okay
I thought I had them in my
Coat last night, or were you driving
That’s right, you were
Gotta figure out what I did
Get a picture in my head
Of how I flung them away
Boy, this has screwed up my day
I know – I’ll use the extra set I made
Or did I, or did I, or did I
Where are my stupid keys
I’ll go through the house just one more time…..
Hat Tip: David
My ears cannot unhear the first two lines of her voice…I pray for tinnitus!
gayer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQqOlMD_668
I like to imagine the video for the song being Lorraine in a tattered straight-jacket rocking back and forth in a faeces stained padded cell.
funny, probably the things that most of its fans like about NPR is / are:
the Baby Boomers, rich people, and musical nepotism.
re:LUMINARIES – PEACE (MUSIC VIDEO)
His top-knot is awful.
i hate this smooth-jazz bullshit. have these people ever even heard of sun-ra?
its funny that gavin’s ‘worst song ever’ is continually getting topped.
thank you, we are sausalito
theres a book about this called “the middle mind” all about how terry gross, steven spielberg and Oprah have combined forces to dumb down serious shit like jazz and economics and everything else. the author is annoying but he has a good point
“serious shit like jazz…”
Articulate what’s “serious” about jazz besides being seriously annoying.
Lesson learned:
Just because you are vaguely related to good a musician, does NOT mean YOU are a good musician.
YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!
white people fucked up jazz. (and blues)
eww that song just ruined my day and jumped my gag reflex.
i’m sure they’re somewhere in your park slope brownstone luvvie…
““serious shit like jazz…”
Articulate what’s “serious” about jazz besides being seriously annoying.”
you’re right. this song here is on the same level as stuff like charlie parker and john coltrane intellectualy , spiritually, and politically because jazz as a whole is just annoying.
Probably left them on your Ass-Spatula:
http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/streetboners/street-boner-1100/
The fact that this song sucks doesn’t automatically mean jazz is good. John Coltrane sounds like a parakeet shitting blood.
Tip: Never use the word “intellectually” unless you know how to spell it.
I disagree. It’s a very gay song, but I think this is the gayest song ever: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/681810/
Guys John Coltrane and Sun Ra are hacks it’s all about skinhead music and 80s hardcore and all the other stuff guys turning 40 cling to around here.
haha this song is so true. i can never find my goddamn keys.
I can really relate to this song!
jim goad- well unlike yourself I’m not a professional writer so it’s hard for me to articulate exactly what
http://www.amazon.com/Middle-Mind-Americans-Think-Themselves/dp/0060730595/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267544721&sr=1-1
is about but I think it has something to do with stuff like this song. To be honest, the books theme is vague but I think about it often. more to the point: goofy shit like this IS what NPR is all about as the D DEliva notes and they should friggin stop it
the best segment I ever heard on there was when some place in England was going to change the name of Spotted Dick pudding because no one was ordering it they thought because of the name was embarassing to say. They were going to call it Spotted Richard. Then for the opposing view they had some guy from some pudding society who was quite insistent that the name NEVER be changed. The NPR reporter then changed the subject to the pudding society itself and asked exactly what they did. it seemed pretty cool. Mainly eating alot of funky puddings!
That’s the NPR America wants, not this painful where are my keys jazz parody
For being so harmless, smooth jazz sure draws a lot of hate. You’re not being forced to listen to it (unless you’re on hold, at a dentist’s office, or stuck in an elevator).
Wow, a web page in which everyone seems to hate everything! It’s the first time I have seen Ellington described as “smooth jazz,” or a childless woman as a “smug mom.” NPR does indeed suck, however.