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Okay, I lied. There are a lot of lazy, disgusting fat asswipes you should totally take time out of your day to hate. If momma raised you from a drive thru window, you downright deserve a talking-to about your insurmountable outer wealth. That, coupled with
Okay, I lied. There are a lot of lazy, disgusting fat asswipes you should totally take time out of your day to hate. If momma raised you from a drive thru window, you downright deserve a talking-to about your insurmountable outer wealth. That, coupled with how the meager percentage of inner beauty that lurks between your ass dimples isn’t reeeally shining through that butt stomach. As citizens of this middle American death pit, we have the divine right to cordially drop some knowledge that: 1) We know and can damn well see that you are fat, 2) You can’t run or hide really, 3) We totally hear you mouth breathing from down the block, and 4) The economically dilapidated 2010 America will make no room for selfishly groveling more than your fair share of the food supply.
With that in mind, let me find a legitimately good point about why we shouldn’t hate fat people on the whole. Food addicted, compulsive lard buckets give nice, good-smelling fat people a completely bad rap. That is a lyin’ shame for the small subdemographic of active, chill fat people who are comfortable in their excess skin, and grouped together with the unfortunate aforementioned population. By neglecting to discriminate between good fatties and writing off every fatty as a total lard hole, we’re missing out on some down home, deep-fried friendly goodness. (i.e. Beth Ditto would not, by any means, be considered a lard hole.)
It truly doesn’t matter what size you are, as long as you own that ugly and are secure enough to rise above your shoddy genetics. I realize I’m setting back the “Inner Beauty” movement about 30 years by promoting a responsible use of your FatDar. But Jesus H Christ there is an astronomical difference between being a plain old Fatty McGee, and letting the population devolve into a complete lardass whose skin is being gravity-grafted to the couch. Be nice.
-Lori
The only thing you just set back 30 years is my ability to give a $hit.
This is the best writing on Open Mic by far.
I heard these guys avoid putting fat chicks in the Street Boners because they have to spend hours hovering over the comments deleting cruel shit. This should make it clear to them their readership is primarily 14 year-old boys and I for one am tired of the “no fat chicks” mentality. Not because it’s prejudiced but because it’s boring.
Its what’s inside that counts. See, fat is stored INSIDE of the body and it is COUNTED as weight.
Beth Ditto is revolting. A generation raised on soda 24/7 made us as ugly on the outside as we as a culture had become on the inside.
I bet Loomis is a 14year old fat chick.
what are you saying? what did you say? this is complete garbage and as empty as the calories in the twinkies you probably loved back when you yourself were fat, before you lost weight and started hating your formerly fat self.
so what? there are good fat people and bad fat people and no clear way to tell the difference? well, congratulations, you just summed up my attitude towards the blacks.
shorten it up or gtfo.
making an effort and caring about your health makes you tops.
If it weren’t for fat people Walmart would go broke in seconds flat.
I’m happy to see that I’m not the only person who hates Beth Ditto
There is a point where you’re just a fat, revolting, piggily-wiggily skank
Now I’m off to watch skinny people porn while sipping CrystalLite
beth ditto is not revolting and i’m pleased to read about this.
i have some friends who are big girls and they are beautiful! i mean way prettier than my skinny, no upper lip, normal girlfriends… and by normal girls i mean the 8′s that are posted on this site.
as long as everything smells good, she is good. it’s generally the rich girls wearing terry cloth that are the nasty ones. but a big girl with nice white skin is a masterpiece.
and this goes for the boys too. much rather lay next to a soft man who smells nice than a skinny bloke who’s balls smell like a field of death. can we have hygiene fridays on this site?
Taco Van talks about moving to the South of France all the time over complaint-fueled brunches with all of his/her other deep, introspective, culturally aware friends.
Wyatt, that would also serve you quite well as your attitude towards everyone. Are there groups that are good as a whole for you, no exceptions? Where do they live?
beth ditto is grotesque she is the fat kid friend flavor of the week
People should make their own communities better by making healthy lunches for fatties and forming jogging support groups to show that there are actual uses for those hipster athletic shoes.
why is beth ditto gross againnn? what makes her different than all the other nasty, deoderantless punks on the planet? she just owns it. and is like, totally okay with herself.
Miss, the reason why those fat guys and gals seem so good smelling and attentive to their looks is not because they are inherently secret treasures, it’s because they have to try harder to get acceptance because socially and biologically they have a major undesirable trait. When there are massive food shortages maybe society will change.
“Woman so deprived of sex she was forced to lick her own shoe.”
Yeah didn’t you guys get the memo? We’re allowed to like Beth Ditto in spite of her fatsweatiness because Vogue and Purple have signed off on her. You can barely tell the high fashion crowd is grimacing in those pics where she’s lubing up their Chanel with her high gloss pore-purge. Bottle that shit. Women aren’t entrepreneurial enough. THAT’S THEIR REAL PROBLEM.
fat ppl suck
Look up “revolting” in the dictionary. There’s a picture of Beth Ditto.
vanessa, really, shut the fuck up. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
THIS IS DISCRIMINATION!!
I WAS BORN FAT, MY MOM WAS BIG AND DAD IS BIG ALL MY FAMILY IS BIG
I WANT EQUAL RIGHT AS SKINNY PEOPLE
WHAT IF YOU MADE A POST LIKE THIS ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE !!
WHITE PEOPLE HATE FAT PEOPLE MORE THAN BLACK PEOPLE
* LOOKS UP STATS ON WHO HATES FATTIES BY RACE *
QUIT OPPRESSING MY LUNCH!
White people hate fat people like black people hate black on black homicide, they know it makes them look bad.
um, hey, drippy dog dix and whatever the fuck your name is: no. I am the only one. I’m like highlander, douche.
@WHITE PEOPLE HATE FAT PEOPLE MORE THAN BLACK PEOPLE
Might have something to do with a ten percent higher obesity rates among blacks than whites in America. (Not in Africa…they’re skinny over there).
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparebar.jsp?ind=91&cat=2
Even Jet Magazine admits blacks are fatter…
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1355/is_20_112/ai_n24225658/
As a white person, I think it’s a tremendous source of justifiable guilt for ALL white people (even ones that have no relation to the British slave-owning aristocracy, because I believe it’s healthy for all white people to always feel guilty even if it’s unreasonable) to feel horrible about themselves that we shipped blacks from Africa and gave them copious amounts of food on which to gorge themselves and out-fatty us.
That said, I think blacks are more “fat-accepting” for the same reasons they’re more “stupid-accepting.”
Yeah, but white racism causes blacks to be fatter:
http://www.boston.com/news/health/blog/2009/05/experience_of_r.html
Anything blacks do that’s wrong, white people caused it. We all know that black people are too childish and primitive to have any control over their own destiny.
Is she called “Beth Ditto” because her one normal-sized body is seconded by another normal-sized body and then squashed into the same repulsive frame?
Beth Ditto will die of a heart attack during a nude glamour shoot.
“”"But Jesus H Christ there is an astronomical difference between being a plain old Fatty McGee, and letting the population devolve into a complete lardass whose skin is being gravity-grafted to the couch”"
I love this site because no matter the topic, commenters always turn the conversation into a racial argument.
God i fucking love race wars.
thick chicks rule. so do really cute fat girls with good style. thing is, they are the diamonds in the rough of, uh, lard-dom. i have definitely popped semi’s seeing really fun, confident, and full cleavage birds strut their stuff. fuck what you heard. clean, smart, funny, and fat is on my to-do list, and i have no problem bagging birds.
I wanna be fat, so I can take up two seats on the subway.
That Boston Globe article made me wanna join the KKK.
You wanna know what’s really unattractive: women with giant “beer bellies” hiding their pussies. I rest my case.
i wonder what percentage of SBTVC readers can encounter a black person or a woman who weighs more than them and not experience feelings of sheer terror.
roamnchrist, if that were true in enough of society there would be fat people being burned at the stake or otherwise ostracized and then there wouldn’t be an obesity epidemic. Most people just don’t care that’s how they got fat. oh wait, you’re actually just an idiot with no argument.
fat people are rude. they take up too much space and eat too much food. they tend to talk loud too. and they always have health problems that cost oodles of time and moolah. they’ve got dumb breeder mentality.
they KNOW BETTER than to eat all that food but they do it anyway, cuz they wants to, and they needz to, and they bellies be crying if they didn’t. gotta feed they needz, and howdy. you don’t unnerstand, they cry theyze big dumb cow tears, rolling down sad hurt stunned cow faces. you aint never had the rough stuff i had, they cry as you stifle your pain with tolerance.
theyze entitled to it. theyze got they feelings hurt and they eats to feel all better.
know what i do? i shut the fuck up and get back to work. i eat appropriate amounts and, when i don’t, i own up to it and call myself a pig then work my ass off to stay thin and healthy.
damn white people who arent racist sure do love to collect and look up stats on black people
go and get neutered. nah, just kidding! but seriously, i wish that the reubenesque suffered from some equivalent of white man’s guilt. wouldn’t you just love to see droves of the bovine flying off to ethiopia, painting themselves up like a drumstick and throwing themselves at the feet of some starving villagers and begging to be devoured? kicks!
lori is a fat girl’s name.
i am only attracted to what gavin mcinnes and the dos and donts in vice tell me to be attracted to.
please dont hire this person. getting through her thick, try-hard writing is a huge chore.
no fatties fo meeeeeeeee
AND I agree, Its like a chore to even read this.
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YOU FAIL IT BECAUSE BETH DITTO FAILS IT
Shouldn’t it be “stomach butt”?