READER SUBMITTED CONTENT Roughly eight months ago I created a Twitter account in order to write notes to Shaq and Britney Spears and mock other members when I had nothing better to do during class or when YouTube videos weren’t cutting it.
Roughly eight months ago I created a Twitter account in order to write notes to Shaq and Britney Spears and mock other members when I had nothing better to do during class or when YouTube videos weren’t cutting it. There were two types of Tweeters (is that the correct term?) ripe and ready for a good mocking. They consisted of those who a) had not a damn thing truly going on in their lives, and b) those who thought other people actually cared that they had not a damn thing truly going on in their lives. For instance, “Getting off the bus… Feet hurt.” I will not go as far as to say that every post on Twitter sucks mind-numbing cock; I recognize that broad generalizations are usually wrong.
Let it also be said that I am not technologically impotent and believe myself to have a pretty good grasp on social networking sites, thus the ins and outs of Twitter should inherently be of my understanding. Nevertheless until recently I didn’t know a damn thing about Twitter Lingo and devotedly avoided learning about it. If you are in a situation similar to mine and are going to be pissed off if you are forced to even acknowledge existence of Twitter and its lingo then, please, keep reading. The knowledge has been gently shoved down my throat; now I will do the same to you.
Placing a ‘#’ in front of a word is a way of categorizing it. For instance, ‘“Is my dress too short?” –Victoria Beckham #firstworldproblems.’ The ever so gracious and unrelenting ‘@’ symbol means the information is a message intended for a fellow Tweeter. When responding to a message one should include ‘RT;’ a rule that, to be honest, I’m still not completely clear on.
Also, a memo to those people with themselves as the background of his or her website: COME THE FUCK ON. If the page were a simple square at least we wouldn’t have to see the tiled photo — head turned left, eyes closed, looking down and possibly gaining some type of spiritual insight in black and white — 18 godforsaken times.
If this site continues in its increasing popularity, please be aware of the Twitter-made monsters roaming the streets. You will be able to identify these creatures through two simple peculiarities: 1) they will be surgically attached to their wireless devices, and 2) in them, face to face conversation may induce profuse sweating, dry mouth, bad conversation, and death.
Please, heed my warning: If you are or believe yourself to be particularly appealing and aesthetically orgasmic person or an alarmingly unattractive, naturally boring person, your mere possession of Twitter account will almost certainly be the downfall of your very existence. Sex life included.
#givingthingsyouhateattention
-PATTY MULLOY
twitter.com/maybeilltrythis
Actually, “RT” precedes a twitter update you copy and pasted as to give credit to the original poster.
And I have to disagree with my account being the downfall of my existence because like any social networking site it can be easily manipulated to get you laid whenever you wish. For example tweeting “Anyone wanna get their dick sucked tonight?” is like sending out a mass booty call text on a drunken night you won’t remember the next morning. However, if i do contract some deadly sexually transmitted disease through a random internet hook up I might blame twitter although it would entirely be my own slutty, stupid fault.
Val
Thanks for clearing up the ‘RT’ thing for me. If I were you and looking for a late night fuck, I’d go on craigslist– you have a better chance of getting a deadly STD from a complete stranger and not having to actually suck any dick; straight to the point, baby.
Then again, you might get totally (figuratively) fucked and find some sad sap with janky tattoos…for future reference, just in case: http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/m4w/1402583815.html
hey, remember 8 months ago? when you first signed up for twitter?
you weren’t exactly an early adopter. you were discovering twitter at pretty much the same time as everyone else in the world.
and now, eight months later, even my grandmother is tweeting about what she had for dinner
what i’m saying is that this article is incredibly irrelevant. explaining what @ means? its been in the cultural lexicon for about a year now.
Fuck Twatter.
no way that you’re irish
holy fuck- someone as clueless as Valerie.
Try being a little more economical with words. It’s better for the environment…or something.
“When responding to a message one should include ‘RT;’ a rule that, to be honest, I’m still not completely clear on.”
You’re writing an informative article, aren’t you, so why not take two seconds and look it the fuck up? Seriously, I’m flabbergasted at your dumbassed laziness.
Twitter is a good time-waster at work.
You know, this site seems to be attracting a better class of writer. Gavin must have started paying actual money.
I didn’t read this.