READER SUBMITTED CONTENT I started writing this after I read “10 Tips for Surviving a New York Subway.”
I started writing this after I read “10 Tips for Surviving a New York Subway.”
PLAY ALOOF
Whenever some shit goes down, like an old dude steps on a black kid’s shoes or a retard starts rapping about Jesus, it’s always best to ignore them completely. You should always carry some headphones or a book for this reason, so you can pretend to be engulfed in your own personal fantasy land. Remember Amber Lamps? That’s what you should do.
Now, you can try to be a comedian and make some dumbass joke to get some girl’s attention but remember that a) if it fails, you’re gonna feel like an idiot, b) you’re not as funny as you think you are. Also, while we’re on the subject, abandon all hopes of meeting someone on the train. Maybe if you’re a 10 or whatever, but if not, then you’re more likely seen as a potential rapist than a potential date.
I shouldn’t need to tell you this, but if someone on the train needs help, you break this rule and help them — ask them first though. That guy who looks like he’s having a seizure could be telling an elaborate joke, and you just fucking ruined it right before the punch line.
SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO
Sometimes people approach you on the train and just start talking to you. You should always engage them — ignoring them can only make things worse. If the person creeps you out, answer in ways that don’t elicit a response. Yes and no are good, but phrases like “Oh, yeah?” and “How about that?” are better.
STEREOTYPE
I can’t say this in a sentence, so I’ll give an example: Let’s say you’re on the 4, 5, 6 going uptown anywhere above 125th Street, and you’re looking for a seat on a crowded car. Find the nearest white person and stand right next to them. The whiter, the better. Some cunt with a Chihuahua in her bag isn’t getting off past 110th. I’d tell you to do the opposite for other races but this only really works with whites. I can’t think of any train route where a non-white neighborhood precedes a white one, which doesn’t have a non-white neighborhood directly behind it. I’m assuming this works the same way if you’re going east into Brooklyn, I don’t really know.
BE A FOLLOWER
It’s important to notice the habits of the people around you. If you see a string of packed cars, and notice one car that has a lot of seats available, you may be thinking, “Sweet, I’m getting a seat.” This is a trap. Either the car smells like vomit and/or urine, is full of laid-out sleeping bums, or if this is in the summer, has no air conditioning. If you’re willing to deal with any of that for a seat, go for it, but it’s usually never worth it.
-NAFIS ISLAM
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“I can’t say this in a sentence, so I’ll give an example”: FTW
I personally, like striking up conversations with crazy people.
They’re usually pretty interesting and entertaining and make the ride go by a lot faster.
I think people should do that more often.
Sometimes I ask young black dudes wearing red bandannas if they’re in the Crips. They appreciate someone showing an interest in them.
HILARIOUS!
Not to implode the internets but http://www.byroncrawford.com/2010/05/riding-on-the-train-with-no-dough-sucks.html .
stereotyping – this works in reverse too. on the L (yeah yeah yeah, whatever) going into manhattan, i always stand closest to poc’s because i know they’re more likely to get off before bedford avenue. also, tons of people get off at lorimer, and they concentrate toward the end of the train because they know that’s where the transfer tunnel is. perfect recipe for a seat: end of train, standing right in front of a poc. hedge your bets, especially if you’re going to eighth avenue. you might even be able to get some shut-eye.
You must have forgot about us ladies… ALWAYS avoid the car with the lone stranger and huge newspaper. AND never let a dude stand behind you in over-packed train – those announcements are there for a reason.
Byron Crawford.
During commutes, the train is generally browner the earlier you ride it and whiter in the later morning. More than one black person = shouting. Though, sometimes just one will want to be his own breach of etiquette by playing his ringtone like a boom box.
fucking boombox cell phones
within the first half a year that i lived in new york, before i knew the rules of the subway or whatever, i met two different girls that i ended up dating by striking up convos with them on the train. so that rule is totally wrong. also, all of what you said could be summed up with “be a wallflower”. you divided it up into different points but they were all the same point. also, if youre new to new york and reading this site, why the fuck would you be going north of 125th street?