I’m writing this from an infuriating Park Slope coffee hole, and of course everyone here is some kind of art jerkoff.
I’m writing this from an infuriating Park Slope coffee hole, and of course everyone here is some kind of art jerkoff. So about five minutes ago, in some kind of squishy mating ritual, this one academic-type recognized another slightly more well-known counterpart and started shamelessly sucking the dude’s balls publicly and loudly:
HumbleDouche: So incredible to finally meet you! You know just the other day (I teach at Baruch) one of my students brought up your work in conversation- he said he wanted to finish all over your neck!
ProudDouche: Ah yes, Undergrads: So fecund; so unfocused.
It’s excruciating to watch, but kids, this is why you have to stay in school and get a job working for Philip Morris or something- otherwise you end up as a snivelling little cockrider, constantly hustling in coffee shops looking to praise unreadable squirts of literature just so that you might one day get a shot at having another living human read your own tripe.
This whole semenfest made me think of this recent “keynote” speech, in which researcher danah boyd (who’s so hip that she doesn’t even capitalize her name) stated that Myspace is now a digital ghetto whose users have left for Facebook in droves in a case of highly studyable electronic “White Flight”. This theory derives primarily from Dr. Boyd’s innate belief that Myspace is for niggers.
If you’ve taken even a remedial sociology 101 class, you’ll remember that instead of talking about interesting social shit, sociology spends all of its time trying to prove that it’s actually a legitimate science:
Just like real science, we have experiments, evidence, samples, empirical data, and measurable results!
In reality though, most of sociology involves some pretty subjective shit, and the chance for a REAL experiment comes along once in a blue moon when the proper conditions arise (e.g. 9/11, Obama’s election, etc.). When it does, it’s usually hijacked by psychologists or other academic groups, who are able to translate their work into making money instead of just using it to get freshmen lesbians into bed.
Thus, Sociologists have to take what they can get – so when one of them thinks of a brilliant theory before psychologists have milked it, they have put the rubber to the fucking road, and fast.
In this case, the author was probably sitting around in Boston getting high and dicking around on Facebook, when someone sent her a link to a Myspace page. She probably checked it out and thought, Christ, remember Myspace? Look at it now – this shit is for niggers!
And of course she’s right – Myspace IS for niggers, but the point she misses is that this has nothing to do with race.
Myspace is fucking LOUD and low rent and that’s why civilized people left, period. The thing she’s REALLY missing is that this is a unique opportunity to study her and her retarded, politically correct, academic community.
Here’s the real study: Unlike real ghettos, people can leave Myspace anytime they want, with one click, and yet niggers choose not to. Now that’s a little more interesting, and possibly has an analogue in meatspace – something that may even be worth studying:
Perhaps it’s not always the MAN keeping niggers “down” – for even when the price of assimilation and “escape” is reduced to a simple click, niggers still don’t choose to change their lifestyle.
In danah boyd’s defense however, if she said anything THAT true at a keynote speech in Lincoln Center, the PC Gestapo would remove her office and she’d be shunned like Jim Goad, both of ‘em sent to Siberia to study rubber dogshit flyin’ outta Taiwan.
It’s lifestyle, not race, stupid: I’m outta there and so are my friends. If Myspace is a ghetto suffering from White Flight, then call me Ward muthafuckin Cleaver.
First…
…to leave myspace.
you mention art jerkoffs, and you don’t even give me a fucking reference? You nigger.
im soooooo sick. im drowning in my own mucus AND i have a headache. plus, this mucinex is barely doing shit. im the most pissed about that because that shit cost like $26. they lured me in with italian phlegm ball ad campaign.
SHIT, I SEE TONS OF WHITE TRASH ON MYSPACE.
SKANKY PIMPLY-ASSED SCABBY LEG FAT GIRLS WITH DIRTY TRAILER PARK FEET.
GHETTO IS TOO SPECIFIC A TERM FOR IT…
Not to mention all the WIIGERS…
Myspace is for poor people, Facebook is for dumb people, Twitter /was/ cool two years ago, and we’re all constantly emotionally distancing ourselves from all the other humans we find annoying (who we shall never admit reflect our own personality too well).
Soundcloud replaces Muxtape replaces Virb replaces MySpace. It’s endless, and no one will care when you died how many ‘tags’ or ‘followers’ or ‘likes’ you got.
I remember fondly the early weeks of Facebook when a group of girls at my private college protested the addition to Rutgers to the site. People really cared about things in those days.
nice one bn. that’s pretty funny.
Kool pic! Can I get your number?
Nothing works in the ghetto, whether it’s the infrastructure or the people.
Replace the word “ghetto” with the word “myspace” and you have the answer.
I think it’s racist that this web-site left out the black penises when using its new penis logo for the street boners. Are you afraid of the black penis for some reason? Hmmm?
@the rapist:
amen. which is why “I Quit The Internet.” oh wait. this IS the internet.
i’m tapering down like from my heroin habit.
i do believe that the “comments” will be a last frontier but only for people not posting under pseudonym. but that’ll die too…just like michael jackson woods obama.
Why is Jenna Haze’s myspace profile not open to public viewing?
It’s hard to tell, but does Vanilla Ice have a bone-bone in that picture?
Thanks, Blognigger. I just canceled my MySpace account. I was like nigger slumlord n’ shit.
It’s all TityCity and GuessHerMuff now.
If MySpace has been good for anything (actually, it’s great for more than just one thing), it’s that it has conclusively proven the infinite monkey theorem to be utter bullshit.
No one on Streetcarnage is smart enough to read this post, bn.
Great conclusions, but you waste your breath on these veintools.
This was a horrible article. There should’ve just been some pictures and the link
I eat poopies, im a big poopie eater.
hey nigger
why so much resentment toward the acadermis? it ruins your credibility, which is a shame, i’d say, because you’re obviously a sharp dude. you know the only ones who eat that phony “subversive” bullshit are the kids and the dummies, right?
i mean, i understand and agree with your position to a certain extent. there are a lot of bullshitters and blowhards who don’t know what they’re talking about, but when it comes down to it, theoretical discourses are about using very specific language to describe very specific things. it’s RIGOROUS. which may put some people off, if they’re fucking lazy. or dumb. but some people do it really well, and when they pull it off, it’s like “damn, that’s fucking GOOD.” why are you fixating on the losers?
“NIKKI GURL’s Blurbs
About me:
WHATS GOOD MY NAME IS NICOLE AKA NIKKI. I AM FROM GREENSBORO BUT I TRAVEL ALL OTHER MY DAD IS A MARINE. LUCKY ME. I DONT TAKE NOT SHIT FROM NOBODY AND I LOVE BLACK MEN. IF YOU WANNA KNOW ANYTHING ELES JUST ASK ME AND I JUST MIGHT TELL.”
No see, YOU!!
No see, YOU!! Your credibility is ruined because
you worship academia and the college rule.
Perhaps it’s not always the MAN keeping niggers “down” – for even when the price of assimilation and “escape” is reduced to a simple click, niggers still don’t choose to change their lifestyle.
Incredible.
from the comments, it looks like half of yall missed the point, if there is one to be missed.
what the heck is everybody yapping about anyway?
then in a few years the new age of hipsters will rediscover myspace and make it “cool” again and gentrify the shit out it. from there, a new blognigger will be born.
ha. michael jackson woods obama. precious.
you are spot on in this post, mr blognigger. i love when people realize what bullshit this pc movement is (and myspace)
Oh shit, Russia is so right. Watch your back blognigger.
Can we get another post about IP addresses?
I think the poor are simply more loyal. Think about Michael Jackson; everyone in the media and otherwise are loving on him now but who stuck by him in the 90′s and 2000′s? That’s right, the poor. Think about rap music; people in the ghetto swear allegiance to their hood and say they will never leave but as soon as a rap artist makes some money they take flight.
MySpace is now a place left for people who are so behind the times and “loyal” they don’t even know that the world is making fun of them…you know, the kind of people that don’t own a computer, they just check once a week at school or a friend’s house. It has nothing to do with race, it’s about social status. With Myspace the asians were 1st, then the hipsters, then the normals, then the blacks, then the hispanics, then the poor whites. The decent from MySpace is no doubt moving in the same form.
I have no real evidence to back up my theories. I’m just “paying attention.”
When I was a wee lad in Baltimore in the 70s, when the negro children were bored in class and wanted to break shit up, they would yell out “WHO SAID NIGGER?” Then they would turn around to find the nearest white kid in the class and yell at them “DID YOU CALL ME A NIGGER? TEACHER, TOMMY CALLED ME A NIGGER!” Goddamn that shit was funny.
They would also, as an insult, say “YOUR MOMMA TITTY GO A B C!” I could never get them to tell me what the hell that meant. I don’t they knew actually.
this was a good article
pity most people here are extraordinarily immature and bring the whole thing down through comments.
i think there should be instigated on this site a new thing where, for certain articles, you have a “posts not on topic will be deleted” thing.
its just like someone clearing all the cigarette butts and bottles and trash off the coffee table at 3am so we can all keep drinking.
but awesome article, again. hope the person you’re talking about comes and reads it (cringe at them reading the comments howevs…)
Myspase is so old, Derek. I don’t even knowing if Hu Jintao knows about Myspaces because it only so the old peoples. And you knowing absollutly nothing about UNIVERRSITYS and education, Derrek. I betting you never pass exmenations for advancement for ANY academeys.
You makkign subject up from fictions because in UNIVERRSITYS peoples do not talking with slangs at all. Educations is formal and propper. You show ignorence of subject and people know you are phoney writter and could not ever leave farming or facttory level.
From PReck!
except these posts:
“# lol@u Says:
07.08.09 at 7:03 pm
When I was a wee lad in Baltimore in the 70s, when the negro children were bored in class and wanted to break shit up, they would yell out “WHO SAID NIGGER?” Then they would turn around to find the nearest white kid in the class and yell at them “DID YOU CALL ME A NIGGER? TEACHER, TOMMY CALLED ME A NIGGER!” Goddamn that shit was funny.
# lol@u Says:
07.08.09 at 7:06 pm
They would also, as an insult, say “YOUR MOMMA TITTY GO A B C!” I could never get them to tell me what the hell that meant. I don’t they knew actually.
because that shit is hilarious
Yeah, someone should email her this page… it would be interesting to see what her reaction would be. These new media fags are totally the kind of people who would read this shit… i bet in some fucked up way she wouldn’t even be mad. Either that or she would kill herself.
p.s. Look at this fucking shit:
http://www.danah.org/aboutme.html
beej, you’re totally right. Let’s email it to her and see what she says. And yes, I agree with you – the commenters are astoundingly dumb.
I’m not sure I can use this to get laid but I found this to be current and “thought-provoking”.
I do wish you guys would get over the Punkish pretences of presenting your ideas in such a roundabout way. (My own hypocritical first sentence aside, of course.)
Vegan Jules has a Friendster account and uses Lavalife/Manhunt.
Her bio is too good to be true:
“‘I created my first webpage in 1995 and it morphed into the Ani DiFranco lyrics page that still exists today. ”
As for the rest of it, nice meandering chronology and 20 paragraph cockstroke.
Gee willikers, that was pretty smart! Universities are bereft of useful thought, this I know, but streetbonerstvcarnage is not where I expected to find it hiding. Well done Mr. Nigger.
WELL B.N. I USUALY AGREE WITH YOU’RE POST’S BUT I HAD TO SAY I DO’NT AGREE WITH THIS BECASUE I STILL HAVE A LIVELY MYSPACE PRESANCE AND CONTRARY TO HOW I NORMALY LIVE WHEN IT COMES TO MYSPACE I CELABRATE DIVERSITY, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [WHICH I THINK YOU DO]
WELL I MEET MANY WOMEN THEIR OF ALL COLOR’S BLACK, WHITE, RED, YELLOW, EVEN BLUE! LOL WELL ACTUALY THERE BLUE NOT BECASUE SHE IS A SMURF BUT SHE IS HOLDING HER BREATHE FOR ME TO COME, TO THE BED-ROOM, WAITING IN ANTICIPASION
[KRISTY PLEASE DO'NT BAN ME]
Thank gooot you’re back jang, don’t u ever go (u take a piece of me)
I can’t help but read all of JANG’s posts in Bill’s voice from King of the Hill.
Keep getting burned by the sun and buying high priced lotions that doesn’t help you from dying from skin cancer. Have a good one.
do a facebook search for “just a normal guy.”
you dont see lebron james living in the ghetto of akron anymore do you? its cute to call things “ghetto” but nothing compares to the actually one. maybe the reason black kids be staying on myspace, is because it does what they need it to.
as far as myspace being loud goes, you can turn the noise off of other peoples profiles since forever.
why would you go on someones profile any ways? send them a comment and get on with your life.
the new shit still stinks. ego driven waste bag, how many friends do you have? why is high school mentality so easy to carry on. who cares what you are doing right now.
how about the internet is a ghetto.
high five
Why is saying the n word cool all of a sudden.
And no-one is commenting on it?
I think it’s repulsive. You’re all trying to be cool by being un-pc, it’s just pathetic.
Sarah, do you know who wrote this post? Do YOU know what you’re talking about?
Blognigger, don’t let ‘em get you down, DONT TAKE NOT SHIT FROM NOBODY. Besides, I heard some people don’t even read every comment on here.
http://www.readplatform.com/r-i-p-myspace/ same day different country
I love these starving artists that get you as MySpace friend to pimp their crappy music or drawings or writings or shit figurines or whatever. They aren’t on a label, they are doing it themselves, because…. if you take the time to listen or look, you realize they have crappy talent. I had Lou Gramm from Foreigner days hit me up as a friend. Tell you what, if you want me as your friend, you’re a real loser. Wait, that didn’t sound right.
Just want to remind all the darker skinned people that “ghetto” is yiddish.
Homeboys steal words from jews, while continuing to blame jews for all their problems. But, it a’int stealing if you don’t get caught, nawhutIsain?
The reason is that jews don’t want to ‘own’ their ‘shame’ words – they want to get the hell away from them as quickly as possible. Ask your favorite sociologist to explain that one.
i’m just considering both sides, i’m not “worshipping” anything. almost every article this kid writes includes a justification for his “intelligent hoodlum” bullshit.
“If you’ve taken even a remedial sociology 101 class, you’ll remember that instead of talking about interesting social shit, sociology spends all of its time trying to prove that it’s actually a legitimate science:
Just like real science, we have experiments, evidence, samples, empirical data, and measurable results!”
i mean, i get it, your gimmick is to provide “insight” while maintaining a casual tone. things are more impressive when they seem effortless right? but stupid, reductive and dismissive shit like that is childish, and it ruins your credibility. “show, don’t tell” right??
American Renaissance is a great place to find writing fodder.
@ljjirk
shut the fuck up your a faggot and if your so great why don’t you write an open mike piece? Oh right, cause you suck and everyone will hate it.
Oh well— keep giving advice!!
Meow
Goddamn you. Funniest article I’ve read in years. Awesome.
Jesus, dull-dull-dull, who gives a shit?
Yawn again and again.