A little brown flicker had been scurrying along the corner of my bedroom for the better part of a month.
[Here's some theme music:]
A little brown flicker had been scurrying along the corner of my bedroom for the better part of a month. I had never lived in a place where vermin showed themselves so brazenly, so I plopped Truman in the corner and commanded him to MURDA MURDA KILL KILL and shit.
For hours he crouched impossibly still.
Despite the great risk, the little mouse would sneak to the bowl to grab pieces of dry food. Truman didn’t realize my putting him to the task was a joke (his front paw is crippled, causing him to move with a lumbering hop), so imagine my surprise when he actually did catch the mouse. The sound of Truman crunching its bones made me bite my fist, and I skipped around him like a ninny. He kept crunching until he swallowed the whole thing all Curly-fucking-Sue-style, tail last!
Since this was the first time I witnessed my cat do anything remotely killer-ish, I worried he would get sick from broken guts or that those tiny bones would snag his esophagus lining. Naturally I called my mother, a rural housewife who keeps a litter of barn cats for purposes both cute and anti-rat. “You just haven’t seen this side of Truman before. This is what cats do.”
Fuck what cats do, this is not what Trumans do. My cat was dirty and his breath smelled extra-vile. That night when he materialized on my bed in a coil of fuzz, I nudged him off. After two mornings of immediate floor-scanning for regurgitated mouse stew, I braced myself for the monstrous shit snaking its way through Truman’s tailpipe.
After three days of digestion, here’s our mouse. With a little prodding, are we able to see bits of bone and clumps of fur? Nope. My cat rendered the mouse into completely normal-looking tubes of shit.
You wouldn’t think it from a prissy lookin’ Persian, THAT AIN’T NO NEW YORK ALLEY CAT.
I can’t believe you snagged a flick of the mouse! We need a cat for this exact purpose, really fucking bad.
clay where do you live
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like this a lot more than your homeless interviews.
Tasty!
I love me some Madsen cat fun
please, my old cat back at my parents brings dead mice to my mom and dad, then decides to eat the mouse (spare its intestines/heart/etc) on the bed beside their head. Imagine if you woke up with mouse guts beside your head.
Whoa, it’s even better with the soundtrack. Yeah, I live in The Mission in San Francisco. Are you gonna overnight me a tabby?
Compelling.
pretty fucking funny dude.
the music makes this
woah… it’s the best when pets act like real animals. my dog used to eat mice and roaches but it made her shit rice. the rice turned out to be worms but they were easy to get rid of.
I let my dog kill certain things like squirrels, rabbits, and nutria because they taste good, eat our crops and you can never really hurt there numbers she doesn’t care about rats or mice and she wont even loom at anything I tell her to leave alone like chickens and ducks she’ll even protect the babies from the cats but one time a saw a cat in the barn eat 6 mice in like 5 minutes when I was moving some old animal bedding it was fucking awesome also cats always eat them head first so the hair and nails slide rather then drag
I dont know man, it looks like your cat has tried to spell something out to you in some crude human language with its strategically placed biodegradable mouse logs.
and the picture above the turds reminds me of how pet snakes look when they ingest live mice. It’s like a switch is flipped and they are undeniably ON.
I think you now owe it to your Truman (aka True Man) the gift of scurrying live prizes from this day forth.
And I’ll just act like I don’t see the mini watercooler.
truman is cool
Does everyone who ‘writes’ for this site live in a shithole?
yes, im shipping it in a vacuum sealed baggy so it will stay fresh.
hahahaha nice work Truman. And I can’t believe this was the first time you’ve witnessed this.
don’t you feel awesome when your crippled cat catches a mouse? I was SO PROUD! go on, kitty, overcome those limitations! we high-fived after she finished the head.