Tracie Egan told me this theory and I’ve been trying to get her to write it up for Street Carnage but she keeps putting it off so I’m a have to handle shit.
Tracie Egan told me this theory and I’ve been trying to get her to write it up for Street Carnage but she keeps putting it off so I’m a have to handle shit.
Here’s the deal: Michael Jackson had no balls, literally. Back when he was getting near puberty, the Jackson 5 was touring Europe a lot. In Italy it wasn’t uncommon to have young boys castrated in order to preserve their voice, hence the name Castratos.
Now, it’s become clear Joe Jackson could give a shit about his son. He used the funeral to promote some stupid new record label he started on a whim for chrissakes. So, it’s not absurd to think Joe would see the mountains of cash “ABC 123” was bringing in and want to preserve it at all costs. That means keeping the Michael Jackson voice in tact. That means doing a secret stop in Italy wherein he sneaks his young son to the hospital for an operation.
Nobody noticed his empty sack and it didn’t show up in the autopsy because they replace the removed balls with little rubber things that are almost indistinguishable from the real thing. Nobody had a reason to open up his bag and check to see if his nuts are real.
Some say, “Wait a minute. Doesn’t castration kill your libido? Didn’t he fuck little boys?” Yes it does but he didn’t fuck little boys. He played with them and diddled them in a way that was inappropriate for a grown man. He didn’t bend them over and ream them for hours like Max Hardcore. He tickled them and did other weird shit that 12 year-olds do to each other all the time.
Some say, “But he fathered a bunch of kids didn’t he?” Don’t you get Us Weekly? He didn’t father shit. He had to borrow sperm from his dermatologist.
Now, here’s the clincher: One of the primary characteristics of someone who’s been castrated is mental illness later on in life. Your hormones are broken and as you get into your 30s and 40s the whole machine starts to shut down. By 50, most Castratos are Bananos.
Though this is Egan’s theory, I shall be squatting it from now on so if you’d like to hear more about it ask me because it’s mine now.
Donna, Tracie: Top drawer detective work!
fist!
and yep, i bet yer right. and ol’ joe probably ate the severed nuts as some sort of voodoo black magic pact w/ the devil to ensure lifelong fame & fortune for himself & his little gelding. oh wait, i mean, (whining bitch voice) leave michael alone!
No shit, this seems like the missing puzzle piece. Good work!
Nice Max Hardcore reference. You’re quite the judge and jury, where did you obtain evidence he ever diddled anyone? T.V. is not an acceptable answer.
sounds good but isnt there somebody (brook shields maybe) who claims his ‘speaking in a high voice’ was all an act and he would talk in normal voice when in private.
Here goes:
1. Last I checked, the pituitary gland governed the onset of puberty, not the balls, which simply release/produce certain levels (not all) of testosterone and skeet (well, all the skeet), therefore, it is a myth that cutting off the balls ensures a higher voice
2. How do you define “uncommon”?
3. Max Hardcore never fucked little boys
also when another usual characteristic of getting castrated is that you totally get huge. Like all of the eunuch guards of harems.
for sure that one kid wasn’t his own? other than that i totally buy this theory.
the night mj died my gay black friend lamar said the same thing about mj being castrato. so this story is floating around and seems like it could be true.
Google “Michael Jackson castrated,” and you’ll realize about 100,000 people espoused this theory before Tracie “came up” with it.
3 big flaws with this argument. As suicidal bendencies pointed out, if you’re castrated before puberty you get really tall and gangly. The growth plates in your limbs never turn off so most Castrati were well over 6′ tall in an era when 5’7″ would have been considered average. MJ stood an unimpressive 5’10″.
Second, MJ has a visible Adam’s apple even in one of the pictures you posted. If you’re castrated before puberty that doesn’t happen.
Lastly, MJ’s stubble, while patchy, would be a bit much for any castrati.
Also, Ojibwe, you’re wrong. Cutting off your balls before puberty does ensure a high voice, but cutting off your balls after puberty won’t change your voice.
I guess they forgot to mention his lack of sack in the autopsy?
Oh sorry, just read the article now. Oops.
Michael was NOT castrated.
His sac was a detachable accessory.
Huh.
ur blowing my minddick
I’d rather not think of all his prosthesis’ssss. Dude had a shit life. They didn’t even fucking bury him yet! Fucked in life and death. Pretty shitty.
You could have at least brought up the “size of a man’s nose” thing and how he hated being called “big nose” by his brothers, as a boy. And how his later infatuation with boys was because of his memories when he once had a “big nose”. Or how his crotch-grab-dance-move was penis envy / phantom penis .
The whole La Toya/Michael make over…..and then you segue into “By the way, did you know Lady Gaga is a transvestite?”
But you clearly haven’t thought it through, just swiped somebody else’s halfassed brain fart .
In any case, these elaborations are MY additions and you can’t have them!
my head = Blown off!
First!!
Donna Deliva delivers once again – also shouts goin out to The Egan.
I don’t care what you say I still would be happy if mike jerked me off.
This guy has a high voice so he must have no balls? Weak. Is this theory inspired by all those America’s Funniest Home Video clips where Saget talks in a high voice after someone gets their balls kicked?
Michael Jackson was raped by his Dad and it fucked him up and he hated everything about his dick as an adult b/c it looked like his Dad’s. LaToya admitted the sexual abuse happened. Since he hated the way his dick looked he had all his pubes removed with electrolysis. When the kid that he diddled went to the cops he said he could identify Jackson’s dick based on this description. That’s why the cops went to his house and took the photographic evidence. Remember when MJ creeped everyone the fuck out when he told America “They took photos of my genitals and buttocks..” ? barf. The police report is on Smoking Gun.
@ poo poo
DITTO
that’s doo doo in mikespeak
Why are some of you still pretending this is Tracie and Donna’s “theory” or “detective work” when it’s already been proven it’s not?
Don’t take my word for it. Go ahead and Google “Michael Jackson castrated.”
dude 100% had balls, they have been in my fuckin mouth
I am picking up what you are laying down.
YOU are SICK for saying this and I am Ignorant for reading this lame bunch of assupmtions…
YOU THINK YOU KNOW SO MUCH do YA?
THEORY is OPINION!!!!
and YOU are friggin NASTY AS HELL! All of you who wish to belieave this trail of lies!
YOU are the Wackos! He was a Star, a straight Man>> i heard it from the man Michael Jackson HIMSELF!!!! He was honest. Something I’m gussing you take no pride in becoming. Take a listen o the DANGEROUS album, and BLOOD ON THE DANCEFLOOR. HE sang, wrote and danced from his HEART! He was very into women and he wanted their love just as much as anyone, MORE so because he had more love TO him. Something I’m sure you know nothing about as well. YOU are the sick want to b’s BUT GET YORU FACTS beforeyou CLAIM a story and your theory SUX just you SICK Bastard!
Ojibwe:
So it didn’t work for all those Castrati from the 18th Century? Did they have their pituitary glands removed instead?
Michael Jackson Castration theory
So let’s sum it up.
The children he did have was through a surrogate women with donated sperm
1) He hated his Dad for what he had done to him.
2) High voice
3) No facial or body hair
4) Try to show himself as manly through his dressing on stage & videos.
5) Try to show himself as manly through many of his songs
6) Try to show himself as manly by grabbing his crotch during his dance routines
7) Never had his own biological children
9) Facial features altered to look like Farinelli
I think it sad that Michael Jackson was castrated;
he probably read up on it and the fact that those
early castrati ate good and tended to gain weight,
so he ate very lean and healthy so as not to gain weight.