I don’t believe in superpowers, I don’t believe in gifts, and I don’t believe size doesn’t matter. It does. A big cheeseburger is always better than a small one, even if you can’t fit it all in your mouth and it spills down your cheeks
I don’t believe in superpowers, I don’t believe in gifts, and I don’t believe size doesn’t matter. It does. A big cheeseburger is always better than a small one, even if you can’t fit it all in your mouth and it spills down your cheeks and stains your shirt. But I’m not here to start a quality/quantity debate, to be honest I just wanted to mention the inadequacy of a small wang in order to make less well-endowed men feel shitty. I’m sorry, but I’ve had a crap morning and felt like inflicting some insecurity on other people.
This is the real subject of today’s paper – Girls Know Exactly How Big Your Dick Is. And no, it’s not your hand span, or your shoe size, or your pronunciation of the word “discombobulating”, it’s the following.
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1. You make small dick jokes
Some girls are bigger than others; some girls have junk in their trunk. And while their boyfriends might adore the apple roundness of their twin cheeks, and other big girls in clubs will slap their tush and shout “oooh watch it wobble” in a sort of big-is-better-lets-celebrate-it way, I guarantee those girls won’t particularly want to draw attention to their large behind with idle witticisms. They’ll probably pull their sweater a bit further down over it and fiddle with their bra. The same goes for boys – you can only stand there and joke about a dick that’s so tiny you need tweezers to put it away, if you’ve got a sizeable wurst reassuringly resting alongside your thigh.
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2. You’re a bit of a dick
Some boys are douchebags because they’ve got daddy issues, or a girl bullied them at school. Probably their sister. But you can always spot them – they have a noticeable weak spot and will bite your hand off and cry if you go to poke it. Boys with a schlong like a bong have no weak spots. You can rip them to pieces and they’ll flinch, but recover with a quick shift of their pants. They have an unassailable confidence that means if they want to be a complete and utter anus, they will, and somehow you won’t hate them for it. Plus they’ll unrepentantly sleep with your sister, that one who used to bully you at school.
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3. You were skinny from youth
I don’t know what it is about weight ratios – hey I’m no scientist, no matter what this highbrow educational paper might have led you to believe. But it’s a hard on truth that the weight you were during your developing years has a huge impact on how huge your sausage gets (seriously running low on alternative names for penis by the way). Maybe it’s that your large gut sucks up all the development…atoms…and so there’s none left for the lower region. Whatever. Shut up (googles: “Why do fat men have small willies”) Aha. See, what happens is those larger gentlemen have a ‘fat pad’ at the base of the penis. When the penis is flaccid, it can retract into this fat pad. The penis can be further hidden by pubic hair. Also apparently very larger men may not even be able to see their penises without the aid of a mirror as their chest and stomach block their view. I think my point is made. Kind of.
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4. You dance
You know what? Carlton Banks has a huge penis. I don’t care that he was gyrating to Tom Jones or that when he talked to girls he stuttered shit like, “Gee whizz Catharine I can’t wait to take you home and respect you to my mother”, that boy knew how to throw down. Dancing makes everyone look retarded – I jut out my chin and my eyes look constantly wide and surprised like, “shit I can’t believe I’m dancing! I’m dancinnnn!” – so anyone who does it has to be filled with a modicum of confidence that comes not from the clothes they wear, or the music they grind to, but from an essential pride in their very core, a pride that screams “I’m amazing at sex” and as we all know size matters (see opening paragraph) ergo sum: stonking great dick.
Here’s some Carlton proof for you…
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Look I feel better now than I did when I started writing this, so I take that earlier tiny dick criticism back. I don’t want to make anyone feel bad – size doesn’t matter, and yes it is completely what you do with it that counts and blah blah blah small dicks are fiiiiine.
SIMULTANEOUSLY POSTED ON PLATFORM.
Yep, it’s true. Our buddy Freddie was always making lil dick jokes, he also openly referred to his lil “thumb”. And EVERY girl likes a big dick, if they tell you different, it’s because you got a little dick.
Preach.
maybe this chick has a big vagina.
I’m going this very second to get a Tom Jones live recording. Does that mean I have a cavernous vagina? I just want joy. I’d forgotten about TJ.
i don’t know, man. it takes my wife about five minutes of sllllooooowwwww and gradual penetration to get to the point where she’s not in total discomfort, and even then i have to be pretty careful or she’ll scream like there’s a knife in her eyeball. and i reckon i’m only slightly on the large side of normal. it really depends on the girl. i reckon some girls have deep caves like some of us have long dicks. i don’t know but i ain’t trying to say i’d size it down any, don’t get me wrong.
this wasn’t a very coherent article but i’d have to agree that having a small dick tends to be “performed” by those unfortunate souls. i wouldn’t wish that on anybody except maybe rush limbaugh. but hey, there’s a good example. if anybody ever had a tiny dick, it’s rush limbaugh. it’s probably inverted.
i make small dick jokes, but they’re always about my small dick.
It was a Tom Jones/Englebert Humperdink CD that I found first in my frantic foray.
I do all of these things and I’m only sportin 6 inches, so you’re wrong.
Also White Castle cheese burgers are the shit, so you’re wrong again.
This was funny and probably accurate, but to know you would have to be a total sluuuut.
I got a small dick, but what does it matter if it’s never stopped a girl from dropping to her knees on my filthy floor and getting to work, nor have I ever been denied a cunt because it’s too small or anything. Yeah, maybe they are lying when they say it’s “fiiiiine” but so the fucking what when they still put it in ‘em. Maybe it’s out only of pity or boredom, but I’m okay with that.
“fat pad”
untrue. i pack five point five measly inches at best and bear every single one of these characteristics- unflappably bold, incredibly ambitious dancer who’s just barely self-conscious enough to not look like a totally out of touch dipshit, i make small dick jokes in reference to myself which are not unfounded in reality, and i have never weighed more than 150 lbs despite being 5’11″. can somebody versed in logic help me out here, is this the affective fallacy or what? also, i brag a lot about this shit, but then make reference to bragging as an asshole characteristic, pleasantly defusing any resentment of the brag (except when i’m meta-meta like this… oop, meta-meta-meta, now.)
i think it’s just the pleats
i dunno cos im 5’11″ & weigh 230lbs, weighed almost 300 in high school, & my dick is kinda big. not huge but its like 7 inches. which seems to be almost too big for some girls. & yes vag sizes do vary almost as much as penis sizes.
wait , how big a dick r we talkin’ here, cuz i prefer a 7.5-er. Is that considered big? My generation has been ovely pornified so I have distorted standards.
wilbert harrison, you are a fucking faggot…….there’s an ad hominem for ya
I stopped reading, because the whole cheeseburger argument is proof that women are nothing more than wombs.
yes, how big is big? when, on the continuum, does a penis go from ‘small’ to ‘big’?
awwwww, look at it: it’s like a little baby Jesus!
Small is what I’ve been unfortunate to see once, about 3.5 inches and slim. It was the size of a glue stick.
With that baseline standard, I am EXTREMELY satisfied by a thick 5.5-6 inch dick. I think most ladies would be too? We’re not caves inside, you can only go so deep after all. It’s not porn star big but if that’s what you’re rockin, I think you can act like a big man.
the being a dick thing is totally true. not so sure if i agree with the others.
It’s a fact that small-dick men make small-dick jokes to make it look like theirs isn’t that bad. And they dance too (though I definitely believe in the weight ratio; I have yet to meet a male who defies this rule)
But man, I’ve tried the fucking-huge-dick thing and that shit isn’t any better than a 2-incher. Not only does it not satisfy, but it leaves you in pain for DAYS. Where is the payoff!?!?
i was about to be super surprised how dead-on every single point is, but then i saw it was written by a woman. touche. all of the above apply to my first and actually most recent (there were plenty in between) lay. but i will say that there is a line in the sand; doing said dude was honestly more painful and less enjoyable than all the other dicks ive ever sat on.
P.S. the white castle argument obviously does not apply douchebag, any sane person would rather have ONE regular burger over ONE slider. if its one vs. a half dozen, maybe white castle wins if you dont live on myrtle ave. but im not sure how that would apply to the dick metaphor, i dunno if i wanna be surrounded by 6 tiny ones, thanks.
i was a skinny youth and have a tiny penis, check out the photo:
http://www.penissizedebate.com/images/doc/tiny_penis.jpg
i’ll take a guy with a smallish half-flaccid dick who knows how to be a fucking freak in bed any day of the week over some idiot who’s convinced that his “nice big cock” in my hole is about 90% of what i need.
fucking is boring anyway. the only way it doesn’t get old is to switch dicks and half the men out there don’t know how to fuck that well. fucking is like training wheels. once you’ve got it down, you move onto the ‘big kid’ fun. the stuff that’s still seared into my mind has nothing to do with cocks in my pussy. nothing.
what’s thick I have always kinda wondered I’ve seen the numbers but I want to know what that means penis wise
maybe it’s good to make guys worry about their dick size. Then maybe they will so some internet research and perfect some skills for a fucking change and not think dicks make ladies cum.
the thing about a too big one is that as a girl, all you can do is lay back, immobile, and take it, gritting your teeth. I guess guys wouldn’t complain about that. I’m kind of a girly jock so I like athletic sex, and that is best accomplished with average sized guys (who don’t get winded, would it kill you to go jog once in a while?)
my sex number is still in the single digits but i’ve seen a WIDE variety of dicks all shapes and sizes. i’m sorry to say that the dudes i’ve done with small wieners were subpar when it came to sex. maybe due to a variety of factors, but they all had teeny penises in common. my boyfriend now is the biggest i’ve had and there’s no coincidence that we’ve been doing it on and off since 2007. he can be half asleep and putting in 10% effort and i’ll still come. also: he’s asian. he should be a poster boy for his race.
i don’t usually make negative comments on this site, but this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO off the mark. every single point you made is completely wrong. i have seen a whole lot of wieners (i was in the military) and i can tell you that those points are completely out of left field and irrelevant. its kinda funny reading this just after watching those sylvia brown clips from the other post. you are like the sylvia brown of cocks.
@anonymous “the stuff that’s still seared into my mind has nothing to do with cocks in my pussy. nothing”
DANG that is the hottest thing I’ve read in a while. Go on girl
omg i tots luv outgoing guyz with huge diks!
These chicks with big vaginas are getting away with murder! For realz too. My ex had a massive vagina and it was never really that great. Now I’m dating a chick with a fuckin steamin’ clam and that shit is rock solid for both of us. You gotta find the right key for each lock, right?
@mami: haha nice. How bout a double cheeseburger and a side of fries and a coke? (wait, what?)
i don’t dance. my cock is average
big dicks are great, but if your small and know the tricks its a googleplex times better.
Big dicks are exactly like bit tits. They’re fun to beat off to, but once in the flesh, is not that relevant or anything. I’ve been with five or six girls with really massive tetas, and they’re not the ones I remember the most in the slightest.
Thank you Dr. Freud.
Despite your highly objective scientific data, I myself have found that women with a need to sexually berate men are generally just giant assholes who have shitty personalities and are repeatedly rejected.
Either that or they’ve just been dumped (or they are bitter and angry due to sexual abuse at a young age).
Example: a friend of mine with the biggest, thickest penis I have ever seen on a human being of any race (and I mean HUGE) has repeatedly been on the receiving end of “small dick” rumors, simply for saying “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to have sex with you.”
People can’t help the bodies their born with.
Some of the hottest, most sexually amazing women I’ve slept with were not attractive by conventional standards. And likewise, some of the worst sex I’ve ever had in my life has been with women with perfect bodies.
And personally I don’t care if you’re the hottest woman I have ever seen in my life…if your personality sucks you can go home and have fun fucking yourself.
Based on your reasoning, maybe I should write a piece called “Fat Girls Take It In The Ass” Because, lord knows…fat girls work way harder for sex.
No?
I didn’t think so.
No, ASIANS and girls with LOW SELF-ESTEEM take it in the ass.
Just do the toilet paper roll test fellarinos, this is raw science –
if it doesn’t fit in the cardboard tp roll, you get a check plus!
If it fits but sticks out the other end, a solid B/B- (you forgot to format the bibliography correctly).
If it fits and doesn’t stick out the other end, woe is you I guess, it’s not so good. Just practice making it bigger! And then get really fat and wear Oakleys and have long blonde hair.
this is so true!
and my skinny dancing boyfriend destroys my insides every time.. i have to recover for a day after and its totally worth it!
Pushing a big dick on a site full of posturing hipsters is like trying to sell bacon to a Jew: they already know what they’re missing.
i’ve had so many different variety of dicks in the last 7 years but i’ve neva been as satisfied before as my new paki bf satifies me everynite with his 9 incher. I luv all niters with him and boy can he last long. from my expereince i can say that it’s totally wrong to suggest that guys with big dicks can’t perform as good as guys with average dicks!!
This article made me laugh heartily
This website is funny.
Yea sounds like this is just a fat bitchin whining… see she would go for any man but no man would go for her, so she can’t see anything wrong with them and must rely upon the one thing neither of them can prove and will embarass the guy. I mean he is going to defend himself whether its big or not lol
anyways the article just got stupid and confirmed my suspicions when u started pickin on skinny guys… makes no sense fatty, I gotta huge dick… I don’t do the rest of the shit but I certainly never had the amount of fat u prolly got on one leg