When I heard about the Brandon Davies “scandal” I was so fucking perplexed I had to actually stop to ask someone the date just to be sure we hadn’t traveled back in time to the 1940s.
Brandon Davies, center for Brigham Young University’s basketball team
When I heard about the Brandon Davies “scandal” I was so fucking perplexed I had to actually stop to ask someone the date just to be sure we hadn’t traveled back in time to the 1940s. In case you haven’t heard (from The Salt Lake City Tribune):
BYU center Brandon Davies was suspended from the Cougars’ nationally ranked team for the remainder of the season because he violated the school’s honor code provision that prohibits premarital sex… the school owned and operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced Davies had been dismissed from the team but was being allowed to remain in school while his situation was under review by the Honor Code Office… Davies was averaging 11.1 points and a team-leading 6.2 rebounds per game this season for a team that entered Wednesday’s game ranked No. 3 in the nation… According to a source close to the program, Davies was “extremely remorseful, heartbroken,” but has accepted the punishment doled out by the school.
Can you believe this shit? Poor fucking kid. The only reason anyone should ever feel “extremely remorseful” and “heartbroken” after sex is if they just slept with me.
That said, I’m not gonna waste my time defending Davies. It’s 20-fucking-11 in the FREE WORLD and if I have to expend even the most minimal amount of energy trying to explain why its okay for a 19-year-old to have consensual sex with his girlfriend, it would literally make me feel like I was living in Pakistan and I would have to stop shaving forever.
This whole situation just proves, yet again, that when ANY religion is taken too literally the result is a load of chaste cock.
But fuck it. We’re all godless hipsters who won’t give a shit about religion until it becomes fashionably ironic, so instead of criticizing Jesus let’s focus on the practical things we can learn from this tragedy:
First off, the fact that Brandon Davies was willing to jeopardize his career for pussy clearly demonstrates he is NBA ready. If I was an agent, I’d be giving him a call and getting the papers together effective immediately.
The second thing this shows is that most of his Christian teammates are liars and cowards. Exactly two of them have come forward in Davies defense since he was dismissed and the rest of the team is still pretending that the only way they get off is by jerking off for Jesus. By continuing to play after his dismissal, his teammates are openly saying to the world they are either: a) still virgins or b) also in violation of the honor code and lying about it. I’ll let you decide which you find more plausible (hint: none of them have been known to wear purity rings).
And congratulations to BYU for effectively killing the future of its basketball program. If I was an 18-year-old athlete with a smooth mid-range game and a dick that slaps off my knees as I’m dribbling to half court, there’s no way I would waste my prime years in a Mormon virginity pit. Who’s gonna sign up to play for a school that enforces an honor code? Shit, you thought Charlie Sheen’s publicist had it rough, try being a BYU basketball recruiter this summer.
The future looks bleak for BYU hoops. But then again maybe not — I hear the tall Jonas brother has got some game in the low post.
Everyone in San Diego laughs.
A girl i know from high school goes to Bob Jones University in Georgia, a crazy private christian college where women can’t wear pants, and male and female students aren’t allowed to socialize. This guy’s situation totally sucks but if you choose to go to a school like that, you have to be ready to either follow the rules or be really really sneaky for four years. I can’t see who would want to support such places.
the guy signed their honor code. it was spelled out for him. what kind of douche agrees to something like that? chocolate nerd got what he deserves.
YEP
agreed that the school is within their right to kick him off bc he did agree to their terms, but still doesn’t mean everyone else on the team isn’t also doing it. enforcing this is impossible. it will always fuck over the chump who somehow gets caught.
@ Cummissioner Gordon
Hahahaha epic
There’s a good chance that his teammates are getting laid because they’re married. Mormans might be crazy, but they usually are pretty honest, as hard as that may be to wrap your head around. You can’t feel bad for the guy cuz he chose to go there and signed the papers and all that crap.
But maybe they’re on to something. The bible does say, “Don’t lust for their beauty. Don’t let their coyness seduce you. For a prostitute will bring a man to poverty, and an adulteress may cost him his very life.” (Proverbs 7:25-26)
@female
married at 19, divorced by 25. are his teammates married with a wife or wives? curious.
@Cummissioner Gordon
wife, the wives gig is for southern Utah and the PLDS church (different from the LDS), the church was struck with a “revelation” around the time that they were seeking statehood that polygamy wasn’t what the U.S. Government, errr i mean “Jesus” wanted any more.
my bro is on a basketball team at a college that is heavily evangelical christian (though thankfully devoid of moral code), and yeah, those dudes aren’t fucking. they are that lame
how did he get caught?
This is my favourite line – “First off, the fact that Brandon Davies was willing to jeopardize his career for pussy clearly demonstrates he is NBA ready. If I was an agent, I’d be giving him a call and getting the papers together effective immediately.”
Great post!
Bringham Young, I’ll take care of the rest.
You ever see the girls at Christian colleges???? Unless their parents sent them there as a punishment, most can make a chastity vow real easy to maintain. Woof.
he musta fuked the deans daughter… there gotta be more to this story.
Fuck Americans and their athletic scholarships.
Who needs to find a cure for AIDS? They’ve got students that play ball well, and will mostly graduate, get fat, and contribute next to nothing to the betterment of society. Colleges arent worried about their alumni’s intellectual successes, they’re worried about who they can push through to be a pro athlete.
Go team.
no one in san diego ever laughs.
Really black mormon?? These are the folks that regarded the blacks as tainted souls till the early 60′s, just in time for another strategic ‘revelation’ about their social policy.
@ You ARE the father
Agreed. I’m sure this guy’s as useful as that other dude who throws a rock against a fence all day in hopes of pitching in the big leagues.
Go Sports!
Black man makes the most sense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1aaZGJFLiM
2nd tus papa, SD is a right wing hole just above SLC on places i’d ever live.
@pantsload
He turned himself in, probably so he could bang away without having to worry about anything.
What you left out from your SLC excerpt, and an important fact to this story, is that Brandon Davies confessed. He turned himself in. My sister goes to BYU and personally knows Davies. The only reason he was kicked off the team, is because he went to whoever he needed to, and admitted to breaking the ‘honor code’. Essentially, and from what I have heard from my sister and her friends at BYU, he felt SUPER guilty that he had sex, and decided that the ONLY way he could be ‘forgiven by god’ and make up for his ‘mistakes’ was to turn himself in, and accept the consequences. I have seen the BYU honor code, it is VERY clear that by breaking it every student is facing suspension or expulsion. He’s actually lucky that they are letting him stay in school. I know how ridiculous the whole situation is, but there is no reason to act like he is the victim, or that he needs to be defended. The guy is as Mormon as it gets, and brought it on himself, he very well knew the consequences when he decided to confess. Every student at BYU has to re-sign the honor code every single year they are in school. I hear stories from my family and people I grew up with all the time about kids being expelled for the most simple things (thing wayyyy less important to Mormons than pre-marital sex, pre-marital sex is right there next to murder in their book, for real, that is actually a fact). I remember a friend told me she had 4 friends expelled 6 weeks before graduation because the school found out they had a party where a few people were rumored to be DANCING. No alcohol, drugs, or sex…but dancing. Apparently, and this was maybe 8 years ago, there was a rule that dancing in a social setting was prohibited unless it was a school or church sponsored event. It was technically legal to dance by yourself in your living room (the rules covered space, can dance as long as you aren’t in a space larger than x by x with more than 3 people, or something like that, seriously). Anyway. They were seniors, straight A students, returned missionaries, faithful church members, had never been in trouble before, and that was it – expelled. the difference with these four is that they had been caught. brandon davies confessed, and then went to his entire team and apologized, which is maybe why he hasn’t been expelled. the bottom line is that BYU is a LDS owned and ran school.Iit is notorious for it’s strict rules and crazy high standards the students are required to maintain (no tea, no beards, i know a few years ago FLIP FLOPS were still banned, curfews for on campus living, no members of the opposite sex in your housing, etc.). No one in their right mind would sign up for that and sign the honor code if they didn’t know what they were in for. Brandon davies is no exception. It’s not like he was having sex, the school got suspicious, and then they questioned him and his gf until he broke down and confessed. as crazy and totally backwards as i think the whole thing is (making sex that big of a sin has to have some crazy consequences after these people get married, when all of the sudden it is ‘o.k.’ to have sex and suck dick), he knew what he was signing up for. If he actually cared about his basketball career more than sex with his gf or whatever, he wouldn’t have turned himself in. The reason why this story is so crazy, is that his morals and beliefs were THAT important to him, the guy who is single handedly making BYU a decent basketball school, decided repenting of his ‘sins’ was more important. What you have a problem with, is the entire belief system, but don’t stand up for Davies, because he’s perfectly content with his decision. What I think is the worst part of this story, is that the school and people around him, including himself, treat sex as this awful thing that they want their followers to feel remorseful and incredibly guilty over. So I’ll end on this insane quote from the school, “Everyone makes mistakes in their life,” Abouo said. “We are reaching out and trying to help him get through this.”
I don’t feel bad for him. I’m sure plenty of other schools were, and still are, interested in him as a player. He chose B-the fuck-Y-U.
It would have been way coller if he took one of the Jonas brothers in that photo up the ass to crush the honor code
Aren’t all religions against premarital sex?
Typical xtian shit (or Mormon, they’re all the same) – stab you with their knives of guilt until you’re forced to confess to a non-crime.
Incidentally, everyone’s goin’ on about how this kid “chose” BYU, so he should just shut up and deal with the consequences. But who wants to bet that his Fundagelical parents were the one who made that “choice” for him? Even if he chose it himself, chances are he’s so fuckin’ brainwashed by 20 years of religious indoctrination that it could hardly be called a choice at all.
He chose to go to a religiously affiliated private college, therefore he agreed to their rules no matter how batshit insane they are, he chose to accept them.
@ jesus tryst
if his parents chose his college for him, the college that they are not paying for, that he earns his way into by playing hoops, he’s a fucking pussy.
mormonth are rathitht!
It’s almost impossible to be forced by your parents to go to BYU. My parents wanted to force me to go, as well. But the thing about BYU is that it is REALLY hard to get into. Besides having to have impeccable grades and all that stuff, you have to have graduated from ‘seminary’ a church class 9-12th graders are forced to take outside of school. In fact, unless you live in Utah, the class is held from 6AM-7AM, BEFORE regular school, all 4 years of high-school. You also have to have a bunch of recommendations from your ‘bishop’ and other high ranking church officials. Anyone who even slightly rebelled from the church at all in high school is going to have NO chance of getting into BYU. Plus, if he didn’t have a strong interest in the church, but was pretending for his parents, he would have just kept lying in all his ‘bishop meetings’ (you have these a couple times a year growing up and in college to make sure you are following the ‘word of wisdom’ and ‘honor code’ – the whole no drinking alcohol, tea, coffee…no sex, etc.), he wouldn’t have turned himself in.
@no and yes, as far as i know, all christian affiliated religions teach practicing chastity before marriage. however, the mormon church is different in the sense that ‘accepting christ’ doesn’t earn you ‘eternal happiness’. you get to heaven by your choices and ‘good works’ made on earth. in the mormon religion, having sex before marriage is the second biggest sin one can commit. it is also one of the hardest ‘sins’ to be forgiven for. there is a whole process to essentially ‘cleanse yourself’ from the sin, more than just praying and admitting your wrongdoing. in the mormon church, denying the ‘holy ghost’ is the number 1 most heinous sin, you can’t be forgiven for it. the 2nd biggest sin is premarital sex tied with murder. seriously. haha, it’s so crazy!
@ grewupmormonbutquit, thanks for clearing up the admission requirements for BYU, and for confirming beyond a shadow of a doubt that Mormonism is, to put it plainly, fucking nuts.