I don’t need Adderall, alright. I don’t have ADD in the slightest bit. Who does? Assholes, that’s who.
I don’t need Adderall, alright. I don’t have ADD in the slightest bit. Who does? Assholes, that’s who.
That being said, I want Adderall. But I can’t get it. It’s always a friend-of-a-friend or some other dildo who charges me $5 for 10mg. Or it’s someone talking out of their ass who will never produce anything — a shitty drug dealer. And I hate drug dealers, for the most part. I don’t smoke weed so I never really have to deal with them. That’s going the complete opposite direction of where I’m heading anyway.
If I wanted to become withdrawn and anxious I’d get some weed easily from a drug dealer. If I wanted to borderline throw-up for three hours whilst touching my pants saying “Did I just fucking piss my pants? No, no, I’m good. I’m just warm. Or is it wet? No, I’m good. I’m gonna fucking throw up. I should call my parents more?” I’d buy shrooms — again, easily from a drug dealer.
But I want the clear-minded, purposeful, driven, creativity boosting rocket ship that a shitload of Adderall gives me. And drug dealers don’t fuck with Adderall. Psychiatrists do. So that’s where I went.
I had my pops set up a meeting with a psychiatrist because, let’s face it, I’m still a little kid and have no idea how doctor’s appointments work, I just go to them. Before the meeting I did some homework and went through my act a couple times. I couldn’t be me — I had to be ADD me. Actually, latent ADD me, considering that it went “undiagnosed” for 21 years. I had that shit fuckin’ down pat when I went in there. If this is what auditions are like, I seriously might swing at being an actor.
So I get there and this gentle little doctor brings me into his room. I felt like I was robbing the sucker. The room was standard psychology cheesiness but, I kid you not, he had one of those shitty light-up waterfall pictures hanging on the wall. (Side-note: If you can win a piece of art at the boardwalk, don’t hang it up on the fucking wall.)
Anywho, we get going and I’m pulling out all the punches. I didn’t oversell it though, because I figure kids probably pull this shtick on him all the time. I was nuanced in my performance. I based every symptom of actual facets of my life so it didn’t seem like I was just reading shit off WebMD. I was well-spoken, articulate and conducted a fucking acting symphony on that motherfucker.
WELP, DIDN’T WORK. This motherfucker put a full nelson on my psyche and flipped the tables on me. He knew I didn’t have ADD because he had it. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t even angry because the dude was a professional and it felt like he filled my stomach with cotton candy when I left. I felt good about myself and realized I was only getting in my own way and was ultimately inhibiting my own success.
So I went home and tried to write some stuff. You know what happened? Nothing. Because I didn’t fucking want to write. So I fucking sat around for awhile then went out and got drunk.
I’m not gonna fucking snort it (all the time). I’m not going to a fucking rave. I just want to get shit done.
So I guess ultimately what I’m getting at here is: If you have any drugs or know any shitty psychiatrists, hook me up.
-PHIL M
Send “Dear Street Carnage” letters to SBTVC@StreetCarnage.com
you just sound like a lazy fuck to me. either grow up and learn to do some work or resign yourself to the fact that you weren’t meant to make anything, and probably don’t have the talent anyway.
and moving waterfall paintings are fucking rad.
Shut up dude
Well, you wrote that. So, you got that going for you.
dude, in the time that it took you to write this you could be looking at the pharmacists tits. just move to a different state and have your doc. call it in….adderall can be per-scribed cross state lines.
the waterfall painting website was funnier
Adderall or not, you won’t get anything done because you’re a coddled dandy who can’t even make a doc appointment on his own.
Doing Adderall to get work done…lame, but who gives a fuck, go ahead and do your thing. Doing it for a “creativity boost” is the most pathetic shit I’ve heard in my life. No one will ever buy your script/paintings/short story collection, go get a real job.
I have adderall for sale…
Just google the symptoms on webMD, craft a story that fits the bill of ADD, then ask your doc for a prescription. If you have insurance and are a convincing liar, getting most meds is pretty easy.
I’m about to spend 50 bucks on a moving waterfall picture with realistic chirpping bird sounds. Fuck adderall.
*Something Worth Saying
seriously, i’ll hook you up.
What kind of an idiot has a hard time finding drugs? Especially pharms like add. its everywhere and also if your afraid of drug dealers like this douche then getting a script for add. has to be the easiest one to get, every little kid in america and every college student has a script for this lame drug. This dude is really fucking dumb.
“I’m pulling out all the punches.”
Wha? You are either pulling out all the stops or pulling no punches. Next time, ask dadsy to proofread for you too.
heyyy i liked it. it was honest at least. and i am the same kind of person who cannot make doctors appointments for myself or go out and get a real job or figure out the mass educational system or pay my bills or anything. but we’re all fucking pansies at this point. so do not fret that the other people (who did not even write such compelling personal sagas) have the audacity to bust your balls on this one.
10 pages of scientifically proven pansies:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?_r=3&pagewanted=1
this is gay.
Adderall is kinda cool, but half the time i take it i end up playing Sega Genesis games for like 7 hours straight.
Streets of Rage 2 is way coooooooooooooooooooool!
keep trying until you get a doc who is less thorough. and small private practices are better than hospital/hmo types. they’ll all insist on expensive neuropsychological testing to cover their ass. but get a second opinion, duh. also, attention defecit without hyperactivity is more plausible to have gone undiagnosed.
I liked this
I’ve also tried this and it didn’t work for me either.
Go to a different doctor. Keep going to different doctors until you find one that works.
There’s no central medical database that doctors look at to see if you were denied adderall.
ALSO, make sure that you tell the doctor that you if did take adderal you would like to have a FEW followups to check and make sure everything’s going okay.
He will see dollar signs.
Believe it or not most doctors are in it for the money.
i’m one of those assholes. i have A.D.D. but i also have a legal prescription for Adderall.
I remember when I was a child…
I once called a neurologist and said that I was “smelling imaginary smells and hearing voices”…So i could get a script for a MRI just because I wanted to see my brain. It worked. (I kind of worried after the fact, that I was TOO convincing of a liar…but whatever. It got me what I wanted.)
Try harder. Who gives up after one unsuccessful appt?
ps. It was amazingly awesome to see my grey matter.
blabla fuc you
I’m witcha..I’d like some of this wonderdrug myself..I’m always tired and too lazy to work out. Menopause is a bitch. Gawd I miss black beauties!
[...] trying to kill her nostril’s hunger for the bad shit dust and her throat’s craving for orange Creamsicle pills, but her ex-father tells UsWeekly that she’s wasting her time and money. The sundried turtle [...]
People like drugs, get over it! If it’s not big pharma hooking you up, then we’re just losing money – outsourcing basically. Since all the blow in the US is cut with levamisole and they make meth out of sizzurp, I think adderall is one of the best things you can get on the market today. I’m surprised your shrink didn’t hook it up, if nothing else to placate you. Me, I’ve got a script. Do I have add? Does it matter? I get shit done-ski. I’m in grad school with a 3.9, not to sound like an asshole or anything, but I think the drugs definitely help. All the haters just mad cause they fat and stupid and I’m thin and productive. Don’t give up the dream Phil
dumbass you say you tried it and it helped. Doctors not gonna bust you