Jesus, do I hate fucking sports. Any of them and all of them. Any human being who yells “RAH!” and roots for “their team” is patently incorrect on how to live and is an absolute moron who repeatedly misses the point.
Jesus, do I hate fucking sports. Any of them and all of them. Any human being who yells “RAH!” and roots for “their team” is patently incorrect on how to live and is an absolute moron who repeatedly misses the point. Did you know these people, these types, are pretty much the cause for every trouble and all war in this world? Allow me to explain.
(sip)
OK, let’s start with “competition” in general: What is this thing that forces all violent meatheads and insensitive bullish people of the world to make it their goal to prove that they are better than someone else at something as irrelevant as how fast you can move your legs or where you can place a rubber ball? Don’t give me the old song and dance of “Athletics is a form of intelligence” when it so clearly is not. What kind of advances has sports made for society besides giving thoughtless people something to talk about because “ideas” are so foreign to them?
When I was in high school, right before a pep rally that was to interrupt our excellent English class, my teacher, Ms. Knapp, said to us, “Fine. Go to your stupid pep rally. But do you know what school spirit is? What about pride? Pride, and the unfortunate misuse of spirit, is a way of saying that you are better than others. This is the basest of all things human. You are better than no one. But the idiots who run this school encourage it because they went to pep rallies when they were your age instead of reading books and now their lives are miserable and meaningless. Feel free to join them.” Or something like that.
There are exceptions. There are always exceptions. Skating, surfing, masturbating, and any other one-man sport that pits you against the “element” rather than one another — these are all fine because it’s you against yourself. It’s not you out there being all, “I am the best at this! I am better than you at this! Look how better I am than you!” (For some reason, fighting or boxing or whatever seems to be OK because it just cuts out all the bullshit and gets down to it.) Yes, skaters and surfers and climbers or whathaveyou do have competitions but it’s the smallest part of their “sport” and no one pays attention to who won Street Style at Tempe (Neil Blender, right? When he spray-painted that ramp?). Usually it’s just friends yelling for each other to push it and then all the friends applaud for one another when they pull off the push.
I have to admit, I am jealous of sports fans. God, if there was one thing in my life that I felt as enthused about as intensely as sports fans seem to be enthused about their team winning, I might just be happy. “Weekends” would mean “the game” to me instead of “I hope I don’t die from drinking and doing bad coke.” Deep down, I want to be that dumb. I want to think I played a part in the St. Louis Cardinals winning their game and let their victory (which I had absolutely nothing to do with) fill me with enough joy to get through the week. Imagine being into something so much that you painted your face for it on Sundays? It must be nice (if you’re a fucking loser).
-THE COKE BEAR
Send “Dear Street Carnage” letters to SBTVC@StreetCarnage.com
Sports are competitive displays of dominance, fine. But so is a self righteous tirade on a psudo intellectual web page, this one, showcasing how much more enlightened you are than those around you. So here is what the deal is. Until very recently society functioned by peoples physical labor. Most things were accomplished by the human body which therefore needed to be in shape. People in shape could do the jobs better and better survive and so they were desirable. Dick heads existed in this scheme as did humble people. So sports formed as a display of physical dominance and some jerks ended up crosschecking someone behind their back or something. Moving onto today, and you. There is a huge shift where people are now providing with less labor intensive jobs, particularly in the west. Now intellectual achievement will get you money and assure your survival and so intellectualism is becoming more desirable. This doesn’t mean that assholes don’t still exist, that being people like you. Smug self righteous intellectual bullies will dominate our society as much as the meathead physical bullies did of time past in order to show some mate how super rad they are. So seeing as you are exactly what you hate, a jock, and reading the title of your post again i say, go fuck yourself you little fag. BOOOOM INTELLECTUAL DOMINANCE!
What kind of sports are these two guys involved in? Special Olympics?
Lol @ people who write more than 2 sentences in the comment section.
Pussy.
ha! to first poster.
meh! to second poster.
Competition is bad cause its all about being better than someone else – and those that are into it are losers and not as smart as me. Making me uh… better than them…
Bitch ass pussy
So everyone that likes sports are dumb? You sound like you’re talking to your therapist about how kids used to pick on you.
Those are the Little Britain guys:) That skit was friggin hilarious.
Coming out against jocks? Wow, what a bold stance. Let me guess, you also hate Nazis and racists.
the writer of this article was breastfed until the age of 11. go local sports team!
Painfully dumb, and pretentious. I can only imagine how shitty it would be to get stuck talking to you at a BBQ.
go outside and throw a ball for an hour.
then you can go back to alphabetizing your vinyl, … Chi’Lites, Children of Bodom
Yeah, jocks can be dumb and so can art-school graduates, the difference is that jocks don’t take themselves as seriously. Go Team!
I’m just gonna go ahead and quote your own writings for a second. “You are better than no one.” That’s the best sentence in your little, uninspired rant. You should just re-read that line to yourself in the mirror over and over and over and over…
@why do you hate yourself
Uhh you are so full of it bullshit is dripping from your nostrils.
You know what separates human beings from animals?
IDEAS you fuck!
IDEAS have always been what advanced the species you dumbshit since the dawn of mankind.
The first monkey to look at a stick like a tool made the world a better place. The two other monkeys throwing shit at each other trying to be better than the other didn’t do shit.
So go back to you lame ass unintellectual job you failure and just know that when you die the only thing you did for the world was make it stupider.
Hey Salad, I have an idea: why don’t you shut the fuck up and go slap yourself.
Well i guess they did do …shit..technically.
@bigH
Dude why you gotta be a dick?
It hurts my feelings.
You’re the dick, pal.
That comment was twice as stupid as the original article, which was very stupid indeed.
HAhahahaha
What’s your favorite football team BigH?
I live in New Orleans so we’re going to rape them next season no matter who they are.
Glasgow Celtic.
sounds like the person who wrote this is a fat, intellectual faggot. It takes one to know one.
also, re: the pic, how can you be fat AND have a six pack?
obviously someone is uncoordinated as fuck/throws like a girl and has an extremely bitter complex about it.
“The first monkey to look at a stick like a tool made the world a better place.”
Yeah by creating the first weapon? Your an idiot who cant even write a few sentences without contradicting your own thesis. Knib high footbal dominates the sports teams of others!
it’s “pseudo” not “psudo”.
BOOOOM INTELLECTUAL DOMINANCE!
“When I was in high school”
that alone describes everything that sucks about this post
it’s, It’s.
BooooooooGAYa!
Did you read the article you urinal cake? It’s you stupid ass competitive meatheads who turn sticks to weapons and fusion to bombs after ‘intellectuals’ have the ideas.
All I wanna do is use my stick to pick worms out of holes.
footie is the worlds game. it has and will provide millions of kids and adults alike an escape from everyday existence. its a beautiful thing and a beautiful art form.
Its not Glasgow Celtic ya homer. Its The ‘Tic!
Wasn’t there just a competition on this site to find the best user submitted story. Could the Coke Bear of been trying to win a competition by submitting his ode to being a loser.
“homer”? I don’t understand what you mean.
I’ve never heard anyone say “The ‘tic” in real life. I’ve seen it written, but never said.
“The sellick”, aye. “The hoops”, aye. “The ‘tic”, naw.
Packers are going to the Super Bowl this season mothafucka!
“crime is bad and other obvious stuff”
knibb high football rules!
Yawn! Read a book, coke bear. We’re ruled by sexual biology. All of our decisions are based on sexual biology, so stop trying to impress that ivy league grad with D cups…
Do what your parents did! Get a job, sir!
were you a fat kid, too?
Looks like someone can’t fight.
Fuck was this not funny.
Also, aren’t you saying that you are better than sports fans? Isn’t that some sort of proving yourself better than someone else at something as irrelevant as complaining?
Where else can people gather and get behind one thing and act like fools and scream and shout without inhibition? I’d say a concert, but you know, the majority don’t really dance or get loose at those.
It’s just games. They’re probably as fun to riff about as your record collection and I’m sure just as dynamic.
As for skateboarding, I’ve skated all my life and most skaters are just as jocky as a baseball player or whatever. Everyone eyes each other up at spots, gets jealous of each other, and doesn’t want to tell each other where a spot is or what tricks were landed before their bro video release.
Get over it.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1169440/index.htm
This was obviously written by Gavin, who is addicted to pseudonyms but can’t help his verbal tics, i.e., he loves to use “missing the point” as a devastating insult, whether it’s directed toward jocks, people who try to look cool on the dancefloor, or people who think his jokes aren’t funny.
I love that the comments are getting back to the lovely vicious nastiness that they used to be. It was boring around here for a few months.
I think if we weren’t such pussies and fought more wars, sports wouldn’t be so popular. You know? It’s like, why go out for hamburger when you’ve got steaks at home?
What a fucking pussy twat. I wanna put his head down a toilet and flush it…just like “back at high school”
piss off, nerd.
this article fucking sucked.
written by someone who’s never seen an alley-oop
You are weak. When the apocalypse comes I will wear your skin as a raincoat.
Wow! Who knew the entire Street Carnage fan base was a bunch of frat-boys! The Coke Bear is right as rain.
ha holy shit, I’m make that waxwing slain comment my new catch phrase
You sound like a idiot.
I’m going to guess you’ve never tried anything or have ever done anything approaching the best of what you could do. You probably have lazied your way through life, through college, dated 5s because they asked you out and actually going up to an attractive girl and complimenting her would be too much work for you. It’s cool bro, I know actually working on something and trying aren’t cool.
I’m not all up on say, baseball fans who take their local team as a mantra as part of being that team (eg nothing irritates me more than saying “We won!”, We? You didn’t do shit other than watch them on TV), but to say that people who take part in competition are a bunch of tossers is pretty high-school level bitterness.
Spending some time out of your life to get in better fitness for a race, for whatever the reason, isn’t a bad thing. I wish more people DID compete. Maybe then there’d be less fucking fatasses around the world.
THIS GUY MUST SUCK AT SPORTS.
kure kure takora:
Stop worrying about how fat you are. And stop calling other people fatasses. You sound like just the kind of asshole the writer was talking about. Uh-oh, you better go running so you won’t be fat! Idiot. Anyone who cares about their weight or health is a fucking idiot. And since you hate fat people, you will one day become one. Or your children will be fat. Or your wife/husband will be fat. Caring so much about how thin you are makes you a shallow piece of shit jock.
@Christi Bradnox – psst, christi let me tell you a secret… ALL STRAIGHT MALES ENJOY WATCHING SPORTS!
Waxwing Slain would know, because he’s a total fag.
@Straight male- I would probably turn gay for #4 Bobby Orr.
you know, I’m not into sports, but SLAPSHOT is the best movie ever.
The Cardinals? The St. Louis Cardinals?? Of all professional sports teams in the US to use for an example, you choose the Cardinals??? Why? You must be from the Midwest.
Coke Bear, where are you from?
The special olympics are cool, when someone with down syndrome can bench press more then an art school drop out, this is what makes sports so freakin awesome to begin with. Although fat guys, wearing Yankee’s jersey who are into the Soprano’s has to stop … those guys need to stop being nature’s losers.
Roller Derby is good, its man vs. nature vs. man … as soon as surfers start crashing into each other, or people who skate board start crashing into each other and getting points for it then they will be as cool.
Hockey is awesome too.
figure skating should be more D.I.Y
I wholeheartedly agree with Christi Bradnox.
Psst waxwing: Not all straight males love sports. Unless they live in a smalltown where they will be thought a fag if they didn’t.
I love competition. We used to have jerkoff races at my sleepovers. I usually won unless my dick came unattached…
WHAT?????
STILL fucking too soon?
Jesus….
competitive sports channel people’s desire to kill the other tribe into something (barely) more constructive.
you could also think of them as a way to keep the masses enthralled while our masters pick our pockets. be that as it may, i still support the arsenal.
I’m just pissed that Versus cut off the last 2 km of Stage 3 of the Tour of California for pre-game hockey!
*someone* watched a video on chomsky in grade 11..
Christi Bradnox. The fuck kind of name is that?
I’ll tell you what kind: the fat, disgusting, provincial fag-hag kind. lol.
Bros can be excellent friends, as well as excellent wingmen. Date rape what!?
But seriously, the kid who wrote this is obviously bitter. Why not just write an article about how you didn’t fit in at your high-school because of all those meatheads with varsity jackets that one time they gave you a swirly in the bathroom and a wedgie and then at the prom they put pigs blood on the emo girl.
All those dumb jocks totally didn’t have any intellect (and they still don’t, why do you think they watch sports). Really though, if you grew up and: A. Never played any kind of sport and B. All the kids who did play sports were your mortal enemy, that means you are a loser.
This is trite nonsense from someone who wishes he were smart.
Hey Christi and Loomis, why didn’t you guys tell me we were going to comment on “coke bear”‘s article? Should I see if Abigail Thompson wants to get in on this?
uh-huh. you really really need to watch a grumpy old lefty who wears bad sweaters to make comments as pointless as mine.
Dude; this site was a welcome distraction from work until you showed up.
Really? This is very funny. Sports are very gay though I agree.
I like how he pandered to skaters. It’s like he knows we’ll nail his girlfriend AND not give a fuck about sports in the same day.
The worst are when these fat, useless fucks say “we” when they refer to their favorite team. When you point out that they did absolutely nothing to help their team, they quickly make the nonsense point that their ticket money helps. Fuck them. I’ve spent money on watching Star Wars, but that doesn’t mean my money had anything to do Lucas’ geniuses.
gay
“”All that I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football”
Albert Camus was really imbecile, huh?
*“Athletics is a form of intelligence” when it so clearly is not*
nice reasoning, faggot
Please don’t cite Camus. I am so certain that you only know an aphorism or two of his and have never studied him, that you come off as a total idiot. What else do you know about Camus? That The Cure wrote a song based on The Stranger? I am positive this is where your knowledge on Camus stops.
The Coke Bear has a great point. I think you all are blind for not seeing it. And does everyone on here who posts their blog have a shitty one like Taeil? That has got to be the most ESL-sounding, boringly written, and the biggest forced-but-failed attempt at being funny or smart that I have ever seen.
Oh, I see he’s a marine. Sorry. It’s not your fault. You’re excused Tailey.
@ Mr. T.
Camus says everything is absurd. EVERYTHING.
EVEN SPORTS. And the fact that your mom is nasty.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism
@Christi: “… Anyone who cares about their weight or health is a fucking idiot. …”
hahahahahahahaha
Ok.
^^^^^^ Yeah, Christi. Die young. Thanks.
i bluffed. actually, i dont know who albee camus is, but it sounded so fuckin good.
now that everything is clear, its time to move on. christi, please go back to the kitchen. thanks.
This article is the unabridged version of “*Sniff* I’m telling mommy”. The writer was probably picked on in high school and rightly so.
I love how Christi gets into an arguement over sports being lame. Competitive or something? Nah.
What a hypocritical bitch. If you really agreed with this guy you wouldn’t have said anything. You would have sat on your couch and said nothing for like 40 years, or 20 or however much time you have left.
You’re that emo kid that would go down to the park by himself and mope, and refused our invitation to play football with us, aren’t you? We’re obviously not jocks, don’t care about winning, and could have used another player.
is that the guy from swingers?
Didn’t the Sex Pistols meet at a soccer game?
Taeil,
I love the pictorial stuff on here from you and all your shit in general. The guy dancing to the Smiths was hilarious. Also, I wish Gavin would publish your racist shit too. Keep pushing, I want to read it.
this guy sounds like a huge fag
anyone who disagrees with this is a dumbass faggot who embraces their ignorance and should rot in hell for eternity if anyone responds negatively to this message they are proving themselves in infront of God to be gay ass pieces of shit who burn in hell
Anyone who calls him a “pussy” is an obvious idiot. You’re saying he’s a “pussy” because he is one of the few people left who do not care about moving a sphere from one place to another with a few fancy moves? How does this make him a “pussy”? You’re not “pussies” either by liking sports, you’re just idiots who waste their time when you could be doing it to develop technology or help people starving to death. Now you call me a “nerd”? And you say that’s bad? Of course I’m a nerd! I am one of the few people that care about real things and want to make changes the world, and people dislike it, claiming they are better because they beat people up, play sports, and have constant sex. This is why humans are going to kill themselves soon: they are hugely reliant on technology and yet embrace their ignorance. Global Warming, X-Class flares and nuke plants, or some other avoidable disaster will kill us soon, and everyone is too damn stupid to do shit about it.