Carlos Santana is 600 years old. While the rest of us give up our quest for eternal life fairly quickly, the young Santana vowed to unlock the secret of never dying.
Carlos Santana is 600 years old. While the rest of us give up our quest for eternal life fairly quickly, the young Santana vowed to unlock the secret of never dying.
At first he had no idea how to do it, so he got roped into a ton of scams (magic beans, science, bear baiting). Then, in 1432, he bought his first guitar. Within seconds he was wearing a cool hat, sweet sunglasses, and playing some of the hottest licks the 15th century had ever heard. This is what historians refer to as the “Santanian holy fuck moment”. Santana, being even wilier than history, realized that he could ensure perpetual existence for himself by performing duets with inexplicably popular musicians. This allowed him to suck their life force energy and questionable fame in one fell swoop. Thus the musical vampire was born, wherein he found a way to suck blood from logs of musical poo poo.
SANTANA AND CHAD KROEGER
Santana finds his victims all over the world, even in deep dark Canadia! Check it out! It’s got the flavor and predictability of a hamburger from a mall food court I. Actually, it’s like watching a Big Mac riff with any item off the dollar menu. And that’s Carlos’ secret.
SANTANA AND A HOOKER FROM A CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND
SANTANA AND ROB THOMAS
Try not to hear this either in your head or over the loud speakers when you are in a dollar store.
SANTANA AND GEORGE BENSON — VAMPIRE ON VAMPIRE ACTION!
(so smooth!)
In 1776 Santana tried to drain George Benson’s life force, but he failed because Benson had also tapped into the breathtaking powers of musical vampirism. But I thought I’d include this video anyway because it proves that the Highlander theory of “There can only be one!” is completely wrong.
SANTANA + WHY-CLEF AND THE ALBUMLESS “THE PRODUCT G&B”
This song had to be included because not only did Santana use it to gain power from the Wyclef and the fancy boy singers, but he also managed to accrue power from the listener. This is why you feel dead inside after hearing this song once, and then exponentially deadererer as you hear it multiple times.
Have you seen him playing at Woodstock? A legendary performance, you have to give the boomers that much
Gary Moore, Santana, Hendrix in that order.
Chet Atkins, Blognigger, your mom in that order
perfect.
The Chad Kroeger duet made God weep.
I love the suicidal peeping Tom. His scream = acting.
Is Chad Kroeger related to Larry Kroeger?
i was so excited when they played the rob thomas one at my 4th grade dance.
holy shit, i hate rob thomas.
shouldnt he be wearing like corpsepaint or something?
Look at how he hates Angelique Kidjo and Herbie Handcock