Dear Lesley,
When do you start thinking about having a baby? I’m 29 and my mom is all Midwestern and freaking out but here in the big city nobody does it til their mid 30s.
Dear Lesley,
When do you start thinking about having a baby? I’m 29 and my mom is all Midwestern and freaking out but here in the big city nobody does it til their mid 30s. Sounds good to me but my sister waited til 35 and was on all kinds of weird hormones and fertility drugs. They spent a bunch of money and it was a headache and then they got twins. It takes about 5 years to find a mate right? So does that mean I should have started at 25?
Sincerely,
Jodie Foster
(not my real name)
Dear Jodie Foster,
You’re worrying about having a baby but you don’t have a boyfriend? That’s weird. A surefire way to NEVER get a boyfriend is to tell him you want a baby. If your mom is freaking, that’s her problem. You’re 29. The real problem is that you’re 29 and you still care about what your mom thinks. There’s also a big difference between being 29 and 35. For the next five years I encourage you to stop worrying about when you’re going to have a baby and instead concentrate on yourself and your life. The universal chips will fall where they’re supposed to and in the meantime enjoy your childless life, because when you do have a kid, you won’t have a life anymore. If you find a boyfriend and get married and get pregnant because you think you’re supposed to, you’ll end up getting a divorce and by the time you’re 35 you’re kid will be on Intervention. That too is a headache, so take your pick.
Love Lesley Arfin (my real name)
wasn’t that baby on the left in eraserhead?
that advice is unfuckwithable.
Elaine, you gotta have a baby!
You have from 30 to 35 to have a kid. After that the odds are not great you will be able to pull it off (please don’t list a bunch of exceptions to the rule). Adopting is fine but don’t think it does anything to the world’s population. It’s one in SIX BILLION. Besides, few adopters would do it if they could have made their own (rich people don’t count).
I think Jodie is right. She does have to start thinking seriously at 25. That way she can get out at 27 and still have 3 years to find someone else. There is nothing worse than a girl getting into a relationship at 27 and then leaving 5 years later at 32. It’s going to take 2 years to recover. At which point she as 1 year left. That means 1 kid, at best. Sad.
Dear Jodie,
Stop being so damn picky and maybe you’ll find someone.
Love Doodles McGillicuddy (my real name)
wait, people still want kids?
kids are fucking gross. you are poor and pissed off.
That’s not true, my ex bitch said she wanted a kid on out first date 5 weeks later we’re pregnant and I have a beautiful baby daughter. I’m broke and single again, so the surefire thing here is don’t expect to get another girlfriend if you have a 21 month old kid and no fucking money.
Fertility drugs at 35, say whaaa?? Holy shit. I’m 30 and am planning on having a baby in a couple of years without a second thought…. maybe i should get crack-a-lackin. I’ve been with the same guy for at least 6 years and we own a home together and our families like each other (which is very important) we’re just a little hesitant to seal the deal with a sweet little baby. No marriage though. Waste of money.
For what the fuck do you want a kid? Do you have a farm that needs farmhands?
babies are cute
babies are great if you like waking up a thousand thousand timez a night for the rest of your fuckin useless life
you’ll be like fifty and the useless fucker (s) you raised will be calling in the middle of the night to ask if you can bail them out some how, like you spend your entire life saving for the opportunity to do so
go shoot yourself in the head now
Only black people have babies.
white babies are hideous and grow up to be cancer magnets, its a known fact. Long live mixed babies!
those babies and that mutant older sibling are fuckin atrocious. if that’s jodie’s sister…she should NOT be passing on those genes. her sister already fucked the world over 3 times.
ugh. having babies is stupid…and if you do want one so bad do it yourself, don’t bother with the dude cuz 21st century males make shitty dads. i work at a toy store, i KNOW what i’m talking about.
Thanks for saying the same thing 3 times, “World War Drew.” Really helps to drive your unassailable point home that much harder.
Now you can explain why white babies have a far greater life expectancy worldwide, you sorry little suicidal creep. White babies certainly aren’t heart disease magnets or AIDS magnets or Rwandan-bloodshed magnets or shoot your-neighbor-to-death magnets.
It’s a shame those mixed babies don’t live as long, isn’t it?
You’re wrong about cancer, too.
http://seer.cancer.gov/publications/ethnicity/allsites.pdf
“Black men have the highest incidence rate of cancer.”
Please keep refusing to breed, white hipsters.
In a generation, your kind will be extinct.
why is it only rich people have trouble having kids? does money make your sperm and eggs weak? all the people i know with money have a hard time making it happen. all the poor people i know have too many kids. i have one friend who’s wife gets knocked up if he looks at her funny. do people with money fuck different? are they doing it wrong?
i’m poor, so that means i’m super fertile. for $2000 i’ll be glad to fertilize any rich eggs out there.
That’s because having kids makes you poor.
Jodie,
You can also let the chips fall where they may by having unprotected sex and not using the pill. Just lie about the pill part. The dudes will be psyched at the time, not so much later. You’ll end up living with your mom again, but it seems like that’s about your speed. Try to find guys with money (tough these days).
te4h baby on the left looks like kwato from total recall. “open your mind”…
“that’s silly. Babies are for poor people and rich people!”