Up until recently I used to live with a really close friend (you know, someone you consider family). This person moved out over the weekend and we had a dumbass fight that resulted in me yelling at him to get the fuck out and him following that instruction.
Up until recently I used to live with a really close friend (you know, someone you consider family). This person moved out over the weekend and we had a dumbass fight that resulted in me yelling at him to get the fuck out and him following that instruction.
Anyway, I apologized for my behavior but have still not received any apology or any sign of remorse for his actions. I don’t think I will be receiving an apology anytime soon (which is a shame because that is all I want from him, ya know?) as he is one of those people who lets his pride get in the way and thinks he’s always right.
I live with another close friend as well who has been hurt by his actions and has still not received an apology either. I think he was just trying to stir shit for the sake of it and has been holding onto past grudges and felt that his departure was a perfect time to treat everyone like dirt.
Anyway, he received a letter the other day (which I opened out of curiosity because it looked like he won some competition — he is always winning shit) that contained two tickets to a music festival being held this weekend (I live in Australia; it’s for a dance music festival that has been touring the country). Now I know that opening his mail was wrong (very wrong) but he used to take it upon himself to open our ex-housemates mail and has actually pocketed money that was sent in good faith from a university to complete a survey for research purposes (I know that doesn’t really justify anything).
So me and my friend haven’t actually heard from him since he left and he hasn’t said anything about tickets that he is expecting in the mail so we’re not sure if he knows he has actually won these tickets or not.
The plan is that if we haven’t heard from him by Sunday at 11:55 AM (the festival starts at like 12:30 or something on Sunday) then we will go. Also, he has actually moved interstate so it’s not like he can attend the festival anyway.
Me and my friend see it as payback for him being such a selfish prick and making us feel sub-human for the past few weeks.
This is a moral dilemma that I need your guidance on: What do you think I should do? Should I go and not tell him about it (I’m still very upset by his actions and for not apologising) or should I tell him about it and try and not be hurt if he gives the tickets to someone else or worse, SELLS them and makes a profit (he is the type of person who would do that).
The bad, vindictive side of me is like, “Yeah! Take the tickets, screw him!” and the good side of me is like, “No, think about your karma; what goes around comes around, etc., etc.”
I hope you reply to this as you’ll definitely hand out some life lessons and tell me the truth straight up.
Thanks in advance,
A.C.
P.S. Just a quick fangirl moment: I’m a REALLY big fan of yours. I’ve read your book and read your notes from NY column in Russh and follow your blog, etc. Such an inspiration! I could go on but don’t want to freak you out.
Dear A.C.,
In this situation, you obviously know what the right thing to do is: The tickets were sent to him, they’re his tickets, end of story. Am I saying that’s what you do? No, but it is in fact the “right” thing to do. The fact that you’re having a moral dilemma over it proves it.
There are a few things in the email that raised my eyebrows, the first being that you feel that this guy owes you an apology. More importantly, you feel as though he owes you one just because you apologized to him. That is indeed the very opposite of an apology. When we ask someone for forgiveness in a genuine way, ideally we should not expect anything in return. Not a hug, not a friendship, not a dance concert ticket, and not even an apology back. Obviously your motives for apologizing were only to clear your conscience and make YOU feel better because you screamed at him. I’d be pissed too. A true apology is when we can admit our wrongs. A true apology is full of humility. Humility isn’t a bad thing, it’s a HARD thing. It gets us humble.
It seems as though you want an apology so badly not because you like this guy so much (it doesn’t seem like you do) but because you feel bad and don’t want him to be pissed at you. I hate it when people are pissed at me. It’s a shitty feeling. But as the saying goes, if you’re eating a shit sandwich, it’s probably because you ordered it. You can’t change the fact that he’s “full of pride” or “thinks he’s always right.” Those are his problems. But you should be looking at your problems.
If you want to continue to feel guilty or shitty or have him stay pissed at you, then steal his tickets. Will you have fun at the show? Maybe, maybe not. Will it be worth it? Maybe, maybe not. But doing the next wrong thing is a surefire way to not feeling good about your choices. Who knows A.C., maybe if you tell him about the tickets, and ASK HIM FOR THEM, maybe he’ll even give them to you. Forget about karma or any of those buzz words. They are substitutes for rationalization and usually just confuse us. Forget about what might happen to you “in the future” because “the future” is as soon as the next five minutes. The future really means right fucking now.
Hope that helps xox,
-LESLEY ARFIN
Lesley gets it right once again.
i’d go to the concert…
two things
1) Its ‘My friend and I” Bushpig..
2) 5 bucks says either you secretly really liked him, or youve drunkenly banged him before, and although hes been ‘meh’ about it, youve hoped one day you guys could be together..
What’s a “dance concert”?
By giving him the tickets, she automatically admits to opening his mail. That’s just another fight waiting to start. The deal was did the second she opened the envelope. Might as well go to the show.
Did anyone make it through this whole post?? I’m impressed
She’ll go to the concert.
She’s already decided.
Fuck Karma – just take the tickets and go. There was no reason to get a second opinion.
arfin for the win yet again. (I didn’t read the whole thing but she’s always right)
that shit sandwich line is one of the best I’ve heard in a long time. Awesome post Barf!
imagine talking to this girl, holy shit would that be boring. shes probably super fucking hot.
barf, you werent kidding about needing submissions
Dear Anal Cunt,
Do you know what happens to those who don’t believe in Kharma? They go to HELL.
dear richard nixon,
karma – as it is actually spelled – is buddhist.
hell is catholic.
what happens to people who don’t believe in getting their shit straight?
Essential Logic. Nicely done Lesley.
Too long, where are you?
Nicely played Lesley in this age of entitlement to point out the fact that moral dilemmas are a clear sign that you know you’re about to do the wrong thing and just want a justification for it! I Agree with Atheist, she’s already decided to go to the show and wants an outside source to co-sign so she can feel guilt free about her kleptomania.
It would be really great if he stole your best friend who “sorry, couldn’t make it” to the concert with you that night and drove her like a bitchin’ Camaro while you were sitting through an average show.
The worst part of all this is they seem to be tickets to Stereosonic.
Dear seriously now,
We laugh at people who don’t get humor. Oh, and fuck you.
In response to “hmmm”s comment…i know both of these people, and know that AC has never banged, nor secretly been in love with the shitcunt that just moved out of her house.
go to the festival, like you know you’re going to. fuck it, if he gets angry then he’s only got himself to blame for not picking up his phone. as long as you tried, why waste them?
whatup, guess I owe you 5 dollars, or 6 aussie bucks
I say, wait whatever time you feel is necessary for him to ask about mail/apologize, and then go to the concert. Because if tickets were mailed, and he doesn’t ask about mail, then those tickets would have been gone to waste.
People in Australia read this site? A University sent cash in the mail?
good.
fuck yes im australian!
I literally will Jack off on those two girls in the pic
Fuck, you are amazing at giving advice <3