Last week I chatted up a girl at a bar, got her number, then called a few days later to see if she wanted to meet up. She said, “I’d love to, but I can’t find a sitter on such short notice. Can we do Thursday instead?” I go, “Sitter? Dog-sitter? Cat-sitter? Plant-sitter?”
[Photo courtesy of Titty City]
Last week I chatted up a girl at a bar, got her number, then called a few days later to see if she wanted to meet up. She said, “I’d love to, but I can’t find a sitter on such short notice. Can we do Thursday instead?” I go, “Sitter? Dog-sitter? Cat-sitter? Plant-sitter?” Duh, human-sitter. We’re both in our early 20s. She’s boner-meltingly gorgeous and cool and smart and works her ass off (a little too much, I recall wondering). Considering her objectively is a no-brainer.
HOWEVER, she has a child of 2 years. I don’t judge her by it. I barely know her, and certainly don’t know the circumstances under which this creature came to pass. But am I built for this shit? I’m young as fuck, work in music, and live in North Brooklyn. Self-indulgence, immaturity, and wanton behavior are a given. I’m not expecting to be a father figure to the kid — I don’t know if we’d even get to the point where she’d want me in the same room as him. But I mean … questions, right?
If it goes well, eventually we’ll want to bone — does she get an overnight sitter? Do I go to her house only to get blueballed when the baby starts crying? Is the baby daddy around? Is he bigger than me? What if it goes really well for a while and I do meet the kid and he gets used to me, and then it ends and I’m gone? Does that fuck with him? Am I giving myself too much credit and jumping the gun by a mile? If I decide not to call her again, am I just “another one got scared off?”
-GETTIN’ TOO YOUNG FOR THIS SHIT
Dear Gettin’ Too Young,
I hear your hot prob, my dude. (Fuck, I just wished this column was called “Hot Probs.”) I think all these thoughts are perfectly rational and normal, but know that it’s also like 55% fantasy.
This girl, from how you make her sound, does seem like she has a lot of her shit together, so maybe give her the benefit of the doubt. She most likely assumes guys get freaked out and has dealt with this before — thus, she knows how to make sure the kid isn’t there to kill your boner and give you blue balls, won’t introduce you to him until it’s deemed appropriate, will take care of shit with the baby dad, etc.
Maybe she just really needs to get laid (she does). I wouldn’t project all that future stuff and besides, her having a kid isn’t your problem. You do you, regardless. She made her own bed. She’s a big girl. She’ll deal when stuff comes up.
This is assuming that she’s awesome — awesome enough for you to be like, “So what’s up with having a kid?” and maybe being able to talk about it unabashedly. If she’s not or you think it’s weird and you don’t feel it, you don’t have to. But I don’t think you should kibosh it yet.
You’re giving yourself way too much power here. She’s just a girl and you’re just a boy and that’s that. You’re not “ruining anyone’s life” yet or anything. And other than molesting, child abusing, kidnapping, or homeschooling, I’d say you’re probably in the clear and won’t ever “ruin anyone’s life.” Give it a chance.
Little kids are really funny and cute. Nothing ever happens the way we think it’s gonna. You don’t have the father the kid and you don’t have to grow up, but methinks this will be an interesting experience for you. Reach for them stars, buddy.
xx
-LESLEY ARFIN
LesleyArfin.com
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yawn.
I always want to make fun of Lesley just to be a dick. But in reality she’s cool as hell.
Mike Brezinki howeever you spell it and Patricia Arquette
mika!
Sound advice and another eye catching snap(per). Keep it up and I’ll do the same.
^no, she’s a perpetual adolescent writing for a site who’s founder chastises perpetual adolescents on a weekly basis
1) she has a kid = she likes to have unprotected sex. Yes. 2) she’s responsible enough to not have the kid die. 3) you work in the “music biz” ??? you need a woman who can bring home the bacon, faggot.
to the contrary:
a) she had a kid instead of an abortion: religious freak? b) she likes to have unprotected sex… is she fucking stupid? c) how is she able to go to the bar ON THE REGS unless she’s a bad mom/a drunk who’d rather get fucked up than deal with her kid? Fuk that bitch… but wear a condom.
Been here. Good one.
@nippledeedoodah… It’s WHOSE, not who’s. You dumb shit. “writing for a site WHO IS founder…” Did you not graduate second grade?
Lesley, I just have to say that I love your advice column. You’re regularly spot on with the advice given.
Its Loser Boosiere’re
touche.
Relatively stupid advice from Leslie. I would suggest extreme caution, having been previously involved in this same situation. Even if she just wants to get laid initially, you know where that generally leads after a little time. The more likely scenario is that she’s tired of doing it all alone, and would love to find a nice, caring partner to share a life with her family. Even if she says the opposite, there is a reasonable chance she’s conditioned herself with that sort of empty self-talk just to keep from sinking into total despair and loneliness. Things can go beyond casual before you know it, and then you may find yourself in a heavier situation than you anticipated. Casually fucking single moms is not the same game as with single childless women. Do yourself, and her, a favor and move on.
Jeez, she wants to bang with you for an evening and you’re wondering about whether you’ll be on the hook for her 2 year old’s college? What a dope.
Worry about…
1. Crazy Baby daddy
2. Birth Control
Forget about…
1. Her kid getting attached to you.
2. Why she likes to go out and drink and screw.
I’m with Zippy. But: I’m old.
Lesley is killing it lately with these responses. They are honest, optimistic and encouraging without sounding like a hipster Tony Robbins. If I wanted cynicism and pessimism I’d talk to myself. Keep it up.
@marcia brady’s nose: “if i wanted cynicism and pessimism i’d talk to myself” holy moly amen to that mah sistah…
leslie, your advice is what i’d like to think i could give myself, if my brain wasn’t constantly trying to kill me. keep it up. i’m fixin to query you soon…
Little kids are neither funny nor cute. They are frequently god-fucking-awful and ALWAYS loud. If this bitch can’t figure out the hows and why’s of getting an abortion then what do you think’s gonna happen when her overactive uterus clamps another fetus down with your name on it?
Fuck all children and fuck their idiot parents. This world does not need another two-year-old asshole in it and you’d do best to find another hole to stick your (wrapped) boner into.
you should use more convincing pictures from the web.
Drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something, just nailed it.
drippy dog dix and jimmy fucking carter are both gavin.
So many questions, u fuckin pussy. Go ahead, fuck this girl two or three times and get out.
good advice. leslie is cool.
did you really just say you “live in north brooklyn?”
what a cunt.
i bet you jerk off thinking about your cross streets.
smash first – ask questions later
adopt the motto – its a good one (for a while)
if she was tired of doing it alone and wanted something – anything more than a lay – she wouldnt have given you her #. you’re obviously not made of that kind of material. guys like you are a dime a dozen and she’s already learned the hard way.
i hate her writing
Dating words to live by: no pets, no kids.
http://www.streetboners.com is quickly becoming http://www.don‘t-forget-to-waste-two-hours-looking-at-titty-city.com
lesley, you’re so wise….
Single moms put out. They will do anything in bed, and come up with shit you wouldn’t even think of. They are horny and hard up, and they know they are in an undesirable position so they don’t expect much from you besides your dick. Unlike regular frigid chicks who would rather be watching Gossip Girl and tweeting about the shoes they just bought on Gilt, they are actually into your dick. 90% of dates with single moms are booty calls. They can’t go out on regular dates much anyway because they are taking care of the kid. It’s definitely worth it for the sexual experience.
Unfortunately, there are downsides. If you are not an idiotic caveman or wormy nerd they will fall in love with you. This can happen relatively quickly because single moms are kind of manic and having a kid makes you notice how quickly you are getting old. So break it off after 3 weeks unless you’re into being a stepdad. The other downside is that in many cases having a kid really does stretch things out so unless your dick is as wide as a 2 liter bottle of soda you will probably have to adjust your technique.
been in the same situation with a girl possibly even cooler, went for it, and in the end regretted it. every girl is different, but i’ll never do that again.
Fuck her and leave her.
yawn
Maybe you should ask yourself why she wants to sleep with a guy who puts stickers for shitty bands on neighborhood stop signs or whatever your “music industry job” is.
Anal. Way to go with a chick with a kid.
No need to thank me.