Dear Barf,
I hooked up with a guy when I first moved here and we moved in together because I couldn’t find a place in New York for under $1500 a month. Now I realize he is a gross loser and he honestly makes my skin crawl. Ugh.
Dear Barf,
I hooked up with a guy when I first moved here and we moved in together because I couldn’t find a place in New York for under $1500 a month. Now I realize he is a gross loser and he honestly makes my skin crawl. Ugh. I want to break up with him and he knows it but I can’t leave this apartment. Oh and there’s more. We still sleep in the same bed. I’ve told him he can sleep with other girls and he says he doesn’t want to. I’ve met other people in New York who are in the same boat. They break up and stay in the same place. I need him out of here. I want this place more than anything in the world and he’s rich enough to live anywhere. How do I do it?
-Anonymous in the East Village
Dear Anonymous,
This is a tough situation. I know this seems like the obvious answer, but have you tried asking him to move out? You can do it like a power point presentation and show him how awesome it would be for him to live on his own in his own awesome space because you’re not in love with him anymore. Sometimes telling the truth boldly is the best way to go. If you’ve tried that and he still isn’t having it, and farting, picking your nose and wiping it on him, shitting with the door open or taking up crack-smoking still isn’t getting this fucker to have doubts, then you need to move. What’s worse? Living with the constant anxiety of having to share a bed with someone who makes your skin crawl, or moving to Brooklyn? I know it’s a pain in the ass but what do you love more, your apartment or yourself?
Thems the tough breaks of NYC living my friend. Welcome home.
Xox
Barfy
If you are confused by your sexuality or are considering cheating on your boyfriend or are addicted to cocaine or just had yet another abortion or don’t like your friends anymore… Ask Barfin Arfin what to do. She’s over 1,000 years old and went to rehab a bunch.
Email sbtvc at streetcarnage dawt com with “Ask Barf” in the subject.
the real muther focka says relax my cildren
Are you allowed to sleep with other guys? Why not do that while he’s trying to sleep in your communal bed. While farting, smoking crack and wiping your nose-gunk on him. Then make a power point presentation of what he readily will acknowledge as the worst night of his entire life to show at breakfast every single day until he leaves.
This is a glorified myspace blog. Find someone who can write.
or better yet find them yourself. and post comments there. dork
where do i know the name mcgillicudy from? this is killing me
from his famous brand of liqueurs
From wikipedia:
Lucille “Lucy” Esmeralda McGillicuddy Ricardo is a fictional character from the popular U.S. television sitcom I Love Lucy (CBS, 1951-1957), played by Lucille Ball. Her full name is given in the episodes “The Marriage License” and “Fred and Ethel Fight”.
Arfin never mainlined from what I read. So can she give advice, sure. Is it worth an HPV twat? You bet! If that’s your thing.
“Ever suck dick for coke?”
-Bob Sagat, “Half Baked”