My nerd curiosity got the best of me when I heard this art rock band Xiu Xiu put out a new single that uses a Nintendo DS to make the synth sounds. What I ended up nerding out on was a video with a cute girl making herself vomit.

My nerd curiosity got the best of me when I heard this art rock band Xiu Xiu put out a new single that uses a Nintendo DS to make the synth sounds. What I ended up nerding out on was a video with a cute girl making herself vomit.

Egad. All I wanted was to hear how musicians are trying to incorporate the Korg DS-10 into popular music. Now I have this video laser-beamed into my brain for the rest of my life. How can / why do some women subject themselves to such adamant self-abuse? I tried to make myself vomit after a barbecue once using the two finger method and I could not bring myself to do it. Perhaps if I accidentally drank a pint of Drain-O I’d have the motivation to pull it off, but not with delirious meat sweats and a gut bursting with beer and brisket. It is sheer agony. The fingers go in the mouth, blood rushes to the face, eyes tear and bulge, and then, hooray, you get to throw up — which is the most taxing and damaging bodily function we’ve got. Sheer fucking agony.

Why sweethearts, why? Don’t hate your bodies. We men don’t. You wouldn’t believe what body ratios make our pee-pees throb with blood. Please don’t go dark on us. Stop it, it’s insane. The girl in Xiu Xiu was a certified spank magnet but now I’d avoid her like the plague. There is no doubt in my mind that I would rather have “fat & fun” over “thin & miserable” any day of the year. We love you, pumpkins. Please stop.

-MIKE EIDE

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