Humans started off as cavemen in Africa. When we weren’t beating the shit out of animals to put food on our hut-tables, we were beating the shit out of other cavemen to impress cave-chicks, which sounds great — in practice.
Humans started off as cavemen in Africa. When we weren’t beating the shit out of animals to put food on our hut-tables, we were beating the shit out of other cavemen to impress cave-chicks, which sounds great — in practice. I mean, I’d love to be that guy. Only problem is, I can’t fight for shit. The last time I got into a fist-fight, I woke up in a hospital. My girlfriend was standing over me and she was looking at me like I was the complete opposite of the alpha-male that women want to give blow-jobs and tell all their friends about. Yep, I’d become an alpha-pussy. I’m never gonna fight again. That way, I can never lose. Here are five reasons why you should never get into a fight:
1. YOU MIGHT LOSE
No brainer, right? I suppose you could do that thing where you pick on people who are weaker than you, but sometimes looks can be deceiving. You may pick a fight with a dude who looks like Urkel, but really fights like one of those nerdy-dude’s in the kung-fu movies who sneakily kicks everyone’s ass — the “Trojan Horse.”
2. YOU MIGHT GO TO JAIL
My only experience with prison has been OZ and an old Ice Cube video. I remember there was this big burly, gay black dude in OZ who used to violently rape guys. This is my worst nightmare. Not because he’s black (I’m not gonna go into the stereotypes, but a big STI-laced penis? Ouch), but I’m just not into guys like that.
3. YOU MIGHT GET FUCKED UP
I like my face. Is that gay? I don’t want it to get messed up. I’m not one of those guys who looks cute with scars and broken noses. Plus my skin takes a while to heal. I’m weighing this up in my head and I think my looks are way more important than my pride.
4. YOU MIGHT WIN
Don’t look confused, winning is almost as bad as losing. If you win, I guarantee some dude (let’s call him “tough-guy”) will hear that you defeated someone and will automatically want to kick your ass to prove he’s gangsta. Tough-guys are the worst people in the world to get into fights with. Not only do they fight dirty, but if you manage to fuck them up, they won’t rest until they get one over on you. They live by their rep. Life is like one big game of Street Fighter to them. And they’ve got unlimited continues.
5. YOU MIGHT DIE
I heard about a guy who died from one blow straight to the head. Really, was it all worth it, dude? You could have easily avoided that by just pretending you didn’t see him pinch your girl’s ass. If you didn’t see it, it didn’t happen. Now you’re in heaven, looking down while some guy eats out your girl’s pussy while she tells him that her dead boyfriend has a small dick. Sorry, “had.” You’re dead, so now everything’s in past tense.
my favorite do’s and don’ts was the pre and post bearded fight face.
Chapel’s keeping it real gone wrong shit sums it up pretty good as well.
I think anyone can write into this website, and they’ll post it.
Standards are at an all time low.
reads like sumthin a 14 yr old wrote in 1988
And just say “NO” to marijuana cigarettes!
the sf joke was funny
Do you actually believe the “Africans are the original man” theory…you stupid fucking douchebag? Try starting your articles off with a slight measure of common sense. It’s a good way to get people to care.
Hey vane$$a, have you ever heard of WIK-IPE-DIA? It’s all there in black and white. With pictures too!
“I’m not one of those guys who looks CUTE with scars and broken noses.”
No wonder he ended up in the hospital.
Jail is pretty shitty, though, so that point is right on.
If some guy pinches your girl’s ass at the bar, you HAVE to fight, unless any of the above reasons trump “No more girl”
Mergh, getting punched in the face doesnt even hurt.
I got my nose broken to shit in a fight last year, and I’m all, “Just leave it like that, I don’t care how fucked it looks,” and the doctor says, “If we don’t reset the bone you have a very high chance of getting an infection which will put your brain at risk.” Thank you health insurance for protecting my stupid brain.
Fighting can be pretty entertaining though. I like to watch UFC, get drunk, do a ton of pushups, then pick a fight with the biggest dude I can find. I like the taste of blood. I also like to wear TapOut shirts and bandannas and gel my hair until it is so hard and pointy it can be used as a weapon in the next fight I get into. I also like to jerk off while looking in the mirror, making a muscle and kissy face at myself. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game son!
RYU & KEN make a deadly combination
@BJ
Yes it does, BJ, yes it does.
http://www.mmamafia.net/news/ufc/3173-picture-of-diego-sanchez-face-post-fight-ufc-107.html
^^^^^BAHHHH!! That niggah got a new eyelid
I feel like every one of these reasons not to fight are all actually really good reasons to get in a fight. Part of fighting is accepting all this shit, and if you can’t then you’re nothing but a teary eyed pussy. Bitch.
It’s all about odds and probabilities. But just straight out saying all fighting is no good does indeed make you a pussy. Why don’t you just hide under a fucking rock with an infinite supply of chapstick while you’re at it?
“Why don’t you just hide under a fucking rock with an infinite supply of chapstick while you’re at it?”
hahaha. chapstick.
And the pussification of America continues. Thanks for nothing, faggot. You deserve to get punched to death if your girl gets her ass pinched and you look the other way like a shiny weasel.
First of all, the main reason if you get raped in prison is because you REFUSE to fight and just take it up the ass.
Second, you might as well do a post like “5 Reasons Not to Do Drugs” or “5 Reasons Not to Fuck A Chick You Met at a Bar” or “5 Reasons to Not Piss Anyone Off” since such things inevitably have various cons. But yeah fighting should be avoided at a considerable cost.
there is no “winning” or “losing” a fight; be righteous.
Fuck you Crunk. Have you ever heard of “total bullshit?” It’s right there in your mouth. How do you know that the original man isn’t buried under a modern architectural wonder in Europe? Look. I’m fine with some of the brothas and sistas, but I absolutely refuse to anoint anyone the pseudo-sacred “original” (who gives a shit who was first anyways?) based on archeological evidence that’s forever changing. The earth is large. The real original remains could be anywhere. Besides, considering that races have proven genetic differences, it’s a bit hard to believe that we all come from the same African. For Christ’s sake. How stupid need you be?
If anyone does anything to your girlfriend the least bit physical and the least bit wrong, you HAVE to fight. It’s like one of the ten commandments of being alive. It doesn’t matter if you lose and it doesn’t matter if you fight dirty — take a chair to their head when they’re not looking, whatever — you just have to do it. For anything else you can run away.
I guess I’ll have to agree with the girlfriend thing, even though I don’t want to because I’d rather walk away. I’ve been in many fights, won and lost, and at 32 years old, I’d like to be done with it. I won the last one, but there was nothing about it that made me feel good. Actually, it made me feel like the type of meathead I despise. I do however enjoy reading some of the blustery, bullshit, clichéd bravado posted here in the comments.
Crunk rules.
Pinch of salt required.
But Vane£££a is off the KEY yo!
Weird.
Word.
Fighting is FUN! Even when you lose. Provided its not some psychotic 4 am last-call-brawl where someone eats curb or gets his face smashed through a car window, but that shits waaay rare. If its a “fair” one-on-one dust up (no knives or bricks or bullets) between two men, then AMEN. Nothing better for breaking up monotony and getting blow-jobs than a good “time I fed this fucker his teeth” tales.
A tall white-boy at a Chicago bus stop picked a fight with me the old-fashioned way: by punching me in the face twice. I was sober as a judge, and when I just stared at him, confused, he backed up, put his head in his arms and said “Let’s go, motherfucker!” So we went. 90 seconds later he was leaking from his nose like a busted faucet and running full speed away from me. My right eyebrow grew to the size of his fist and the migraine lasted for about 5 hours, but that was hands-down the most fun I’ve had in a loooong time.
The best part was the “oohs,” “damns” and “oh fuckS” from the other people at the bus stop as I grabbed his jacket collar and smashed his face with my fists.